086: Ann Parker: I had kind of lost my power

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086: Ann Parker: I had kind of lost my power

Ann Parker Show Notes

Ann Parker was in her twenties and had become a shrunken version of herself. She lost confidence in herself and lost her identity. Her world and her future came crashing down and that’s when she reached inside and climbed out. Listen to Ann tell her story of finding new strength.

Ann Parker was born and raised in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania with an older sister and a younger brother with parents that raised them to be of strong faith.

Ann was a confident person in her youth, with a strong faith in God a personal passion for positively leading and influencing others. But she had to re-make and rediscover herself in her late 20s after a difficult divorce with her high school sweetheart.

The marriage wrecked her. As she was emerging from the “black hole” of divorce she learned to become grateful for all that the experience taught her about loving herself and others. Now, Ann feels lucky to have married again to the best man she’s ever known.

Ann’s divorce experience taught her how important it is to be true to yourself. One’s leadership “brand” should be consistent throughout your personal and professional life. Until you know yourself well – your strengths, passions, power, and needs for growth, you will not be as effective leading other people to their own places of influence.

Empathy and respect are huge for Ann. She feels that you can understand anyone you come across in life if you just make it a priority to see the world through their eyes. Hate, jealousy, greed, and shame cannot thrive when you allow people to be who they are and love them for who they are, regardless of your personal biases and limited worldview.

Ann is currently the senior manager of the Human Capital Community of Practice and the Senior Leaders & Executives Community of Practice at ATD (Association for Talent Development). At ATD Ann has had the privilege to talk to numerous training and development practitioners, hear from a variety of prominent industry thought leaders, and develop a rich understanding of the profession’s content.

In addition to her full-time work at ATD, she is a freelance blogger for The Huffington Post and a freelance writer/editor for Brighter Strategies.

Ann currently lives in Woodbridge, Virginia with her husband where they are anxiously awaiting the birth of their first child.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen to @atdsrleaders and get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow Click to Tweet

“People have skills that get overlooked because of stringent job requirements.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet

“I am the best leader when I am me.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Who you are as a leader at work is who you should be as a leader at home.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“I’m am effective as a leader when I am playing to my strengths.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Allowing yourself to be who you are is not easy.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Let the folks that you mange know that you need their strength.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Love yourself first; then you are able to be an incredible leader to other people.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Recognize self-doubt and call it out.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“You are the best leader when you are you.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“Not every decision you make has to be perfect.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

“There is not always a right choice; just make a decision.” -Ann Parker Click to Tweet 

Hump to Get Over

Ann Parker was in her twenties and had become a shrunken version of herself. She lost confidence in herself and lost her identity. Her world and her future came crashing down and that’s when she reached inside and climbed out. Listen to Ann tell her story of finding new strength.

Advice for others

Not every decision you make has to be perfect. You can be faced with choice A or choice B and both are okay, just make a decision.

Holding her back from being an even better leader

Self-doubt is something that creeps up in me.

Best Leadership Advice Received

You are the best leader when you are you.

Secret to Success

I am pretty empathetic. I like to see the world from their eyes and worldview.

Best tools that helps in business or Life

Faith, faith in myself. Faith in five people who I know will love me unconditionally no matter what. And faith in my God.

Recommended Reading

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Rising Strong

Contacting Ann

Website: http://www.td.org/CTDO

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ann-parker-280313a

Twitter: https://twitter.com/atdsrleaders

Resources

54 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Competencies List: Emotional Intelligence has proven to be the right kind of intelligence to have if you want to move onward and upward faster. Get your free list today.

 

Show Transcript: 

Click to access edited transcript

086: Ann Parker: I had kind of lost my power

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we uncover the leadership like hat that help you to experience, break out performance faster and rocket to success. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Need a powerful and entertaining way to ignite your next conference, retreat or team-building session? My keynotes don’t include magic but they do have the power to help your attendees take a leap forward by putting emotional intelligence into their employee- engagement, customer-engagement and customer-centric leadership practices. So bring the infotainment creativity the Fast Leader show to your next event and I’ll help your attendees get over the hump now. Go to beyondmorale.com/speaking to learn more. 

 

Alright Fast Leader Legion I can’t wait to meet with our guest today because for the past several years she’s been learning about other fast leaders and the mentors that guide them. Ann Parker was born and raised in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania with an older sister and younger brother and with parents that raised them to be of strong faith. Ann was a confident person in her youth with a personal passion for positively leading and influencing others. But she had to remake and rediscover herself in her late 20’s after a difficult divorce with her high school sweetheart, the marriage rector. As she was emerging from the black hole of divorce, she learn to become grateful for all the experience had taught her about loving herself and others. Now Ann feels lucky to have married again to the best man she’s ever known. Ann’s divorce experience taught her how important it is to be true to self, ones leadership brand should be consistent throughout your personal and professional life until you know yourself well your strengths, passions, power and need for growth you will not be as effective leading other people to their own places of influence. Ann is currently the senior manager of the Human Capital Community of Practice and the senior leaders and executives community of practice at ATD, The Association for Talent Development.

 

At ATD, Ann has had the privilege to talk to numerous training and development practitioners hearing from a variety of prominent industry taught leaders and developing a rich understanding of the professions content. In addition to her full-time work at ATD she is a freelance blogger for the Huffington Post and a freelance writer/editor for Brighter Strategies. Ann currently lives in Woodbridge, Virginia with her husband where they’re anxiously awaiting the birth of their first child. Ann Parker, are you ready to help us get over the hump?

 

Ann Parker:    I’m ready. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. I’ve given our listeners a little bit about you but can you tell us which are current passion is so that we can get to know you even better?

 

Ann Parker:    Yeah, sure. So, I’m really lucky to be at ATD, Association for Talent Development for eight and half years now. And I’ve been challenged and grown here and seen my career track changed several times. I started in writing and editing for the membership publication magazine and now I’m in the communities of practice department, which is really just a member focus department. I think right now I’m really focus more on leadership and kind of influence in a greater role and a greater space in the organization. And I’m also for the members looking at ATD’s members who are talent development professionals and my specific membership segment is senior leaders and executives in that space. I’m really serving them well and I’m getting to know who they are and what they want from us as a professional membership association. 

 

And currently, I’m working on a really cool magazine for this audience it’s called Chief Talent Development Officer also CTDO is the acronym for that. And this is a free quarterly digital magazine so anyone can subscribe and the content is very high level, again its focus for talent development executives and it’s also focused on any leader in the organization. And the content show how developing people matters. And we talk about topic such as leadership development, change management, employee engagement and those kinds of things. So, I’m really excited and passionate about that currently and also gives me the chance to write and edit again for ATD which is one of my biggest hobbies and personal passion as well. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Thanks for sharing that and there’s something that you had mentioned that to me kind of struck a chord and I want to make sure that all of our listeners hone in on this particular fact and that is you don’t have to have the title of talent development in order to be focused on developing talent.

 

Ann Parker:    Correct, yeah. ATD really looks at a broad audience and we think about talent development it’s anywhere from someone who’s title is talent development officer to trainer, HR, human capital, organization development and even a manager. So anyone who’s in the role of mentoring, coaching, managing, developing another person, so any leader if you think about it that way. The stuff that we offer as an association and the magazine CTDO, specifically, is for anyone. And I think specially in the kind of the workplace today where change is constant and there’s a really interesting generation dynamic going on in the workplace this is exciting, inspiring and I find it to be pretty cool. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Well, there’s also one thing for me that when I start thinking about what you’re talking to is that people think or assume that innovation really comes from the lightbulb moment it is that, “Hey, I got this idea that’s no brand-new no one has ever taught of it before” that’s truly not the case.  And when you start thinking about coming up with something that is unique and different and that can make a difference. And so for me, I have found some of my best content, ideas, elements that I can now combine with something else to come up with something better when I look outside of my own industry, when I look outside of what my core skills were it was that expansion that cause me to actually expand, if that make sense. 

 

Ann Parker:    Yeah, absolutely. I think when I found that on my own personal work that when I can’t come up with my own personal “aha moments” on my own. And really when I surround myself with people who have different strengths, different ideas, who see the world differently we can kind of all put that together and create some really actionable ideas that are truly innovative. And I think the same goes for—we look at how you hire people for the workforce and exactly what you’re talking about Jim. 

 

Jim Rembach:    You know that’s a really good point. I kind of had a somewhat of a dispute, I guess you’d say let’s put it that way cause that’s friendly, with somebody who was talking about a particular job that they were trying to seek, a candidate for and one of the requirements they had within that particular job was something about having a 10 years of experience in that particular industry but when I look at the rest of the role I’m like, is that really a need? In fact, when you start thinking of having 10 years of experience only in that particular role, how much diversity? How much creativity? How much opportunity is being brought to your particular organization if you’re going to put people in that tiny box? 

 

Ann Parker:    Right. I think that’s extremely frustrating. And I think even if you look at job descriptions now, personally for me when you get education requirements—I think so many people have skills, and ideas, and viewpoints to add are just overlooked because of stringent and all the requirements like that I can agree with you, I think people need to look at not just a role and kind of who that person was already maybe that exceeded the role but what they want for the organization, what this role could do, what does this job position could do and then kind of hire to that.

 

Jim Rembach:    That’s for sure. Now, I know that having opportunity to chat with you briefly a couple of times and also learning more about you is that you’re a person who seeks inspiration. You had written a little bit about someone who you met recently, I’m a fan too of Berne Brown and some of her work and I try to get her on the show but she is just so popular right now that I can’t get her, but we seek out inspirations from others in order to help give us that extra bit of confidence to move forward and go down a particular path that we wouldn’t go through before or go to before and we use quotes on the show, is there a quote or two that kind of stands up for you that you can share with us?

 

Ann Parker:    Yeah, sure. I think about my personal leadership mantra, my personal leadership philosophy it would really be that, “I am the best leader when I am me.” And this kind of a quote that I’ve recited over and over to myself for the past few years. I went through a leadership development program here at ATD, I had the opportunity to go through that, it was a one on one coaching time along with some workshops. And I went into that experience, I was really so excited about it and I should mention I like to be inspired and I think I’m a pretty self-aware person and pretty reflective and I like to search for constant growth and development in my life. I was so excited with this opportunity. I went in thinking I had a certain number of things about myself that I wanted to change to be a better leader. I’m not decisive enough. I’m not assertive enough. I really need to develop my strategic thinking capabilities, these are all kinds of things that are in my head that I was thinking when I go in to this workshop. 

 

So it was all about developing your own leadership brand. And I learned that that really transcends beyond just your professional work life to your personal life as well. Who you are as a leader at work it’s who you should be as a leader at home, with friends, with your church or community. And so that was an eye opener to me that consistency which makes sense. And I kind of learn through the process coaching at the workshop that when I’m trying to master up these skills that I—I see my CEO, my Director that I think I need to attain, I’m going to be effective as a leader when I’m me and I am playing to my strengths as best as I can. And so that was kind of an eye opening epiphany for me, if you will and I think it’s a pretty simple concepts for it to really sink in my bones was pretty cool. So come into terms with that and then really looking at what I have to offer as a leader and how I can best influence people and developing those skills and certainly that all ties in to Brené Brown’s work I think the humanness of leadership when you allow yourself to be you, to be who you are to be authentic. Brené talks about a lot of authenticity and vulnerability, it’s not easy it really takes a lot of courage. So, I think along with learning that through the coaching experience and reading Brené’s work was really an inspirational and transformational moment for me and my personal leadership.

 

Jim Rembach:     And I would say that listening to you talk, and thanks for sharing that, is that many of the things that you’re referring to I think go on throughout our lives. I know for me I still struggle with looking at somebody else who I admire and saying, hey, I should do more of that or be more like that, and I have to stop myself because I start feeling like I’m deficient and then I can’t bring my whole self to the situation or the interaction because I feel like I don’t have as much confidence, this is what it comes down to.

 

Ann Parker:    Absolutely.  I agree, I think that’s an ongoing struggle something that we’re going to—as people do throughout their whole lives, it’s a process. I think even just being real about that sometimes in certain ways as a leader is respected letting the folks I manage know that. I need them, I need their strength, I need their skills and when they do all they can and they are best selves that’s when we all succeed.

 

Jim Rembach:     I think one of the things that stands out is really the whole concept of acceptance. And it isn’t acceptance from a deficiency perspective, a lot of people I think refer to acceptance at—oh, you’re just quitting and giving up.

 

Ann Parker:    Hmm-mm. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Well, but the thing is when we start looking at strength building and being extraordinary in regards to a strength is that what we really should be doing is putting our efforts and focus and additional learning on those strengths because it’s easier for us to expand something that we’re already strong at instead of looking and focusing in on weaknesses and trying to bolster them up. And so, I think coming to the humility, the realization talking about getting courage from that and saying, look I accept it that this isn’t one of the things I’m best at, but you know what, and you are and so I would love to collaborate with you.  

 

Ann Parker:    Yup, exactly. And it’s not easy to admit that, to yourself or to others even. And I think that’s absolutely the place where you have to get— have some humility there and find some courage to admit that and then to do what you can as well to be as you said your best self. 

 

Jim Rembach:     That’s for sure. So I know when we start talking about this stuff, the old saying and I’ve said it many times and I know I’ve said it several times in different episodes is that, the Lord didn’t give us youth and wisdom at the same time. 

And that’s for sure. 

It is. And we have to go over humps in order for us to get wiser. Is there a time where you can remember that you’ve got over a hump and you became wiser as a result can you share that with us? 

 

Ann Parker:    Yeah, yeah. So I think just personally you’ve mentioned at the beginning of my bio, I went through an early divorce and as people we go through at some point in our lives, maybe not everyone which is great, but I had kind of lost my power, if that makes sense. I become some shrunken version of myself. I was in my 20’s so certainly still kind of growing and molding as a person and myself. I been married very young and so it was kind of this personal crisis at a young age where I longer felt confident in myself. I no longer felt like I knew who I was. And kind of the world and the future that I built around myself all came crushing down and so it was kind of place a personal transformation, kind of reaching in and climbing out of that and finding myself again, I feel really grateful for the chance to do that. 

 

I think some people just going to go through their lives and life happens and you keep moving and you don’t really know who you are. You reach 50 or 60 or even 70, but I had the chance by the age when I think it really counts to kind of remake myself a little bit. So, yeah, I think for me that was kind of the biggest personal hump in my life so far. And honestly it took a lot of therapy and counselling and just a lot of honesty with myself. And came through that to really know myself better and love myself better and I think that’s kind of where it all start. I think even in your personal life and your leadership roles at work just know who you are and loving yourself then you’re able to really be an incredible leader to other people and kind of bring out the best in them. And so that’s been a pretty transformational experience for me. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Thanks for sharing that Ann and I know you’re on the better side of that caused we’ve talked about that earlier with finding the right person as well as expecting your first born. So, the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best. 

 

Ann Parker:    Thank you so much. Yes I am in a great place and I am feel grateful for that and very excited to meet my child, and Thanksgiving Day is when she will be here.

 

Jim Rembach:     Now before we move on, let’s get a quick word from our sponsor: 

 

An even better place to work is an easiest solution that gives you a continuous diagnostic on employee engagement along with integrated activities that will improve employee engagement and leadership skills in everyone. Using this award winning solutions guarantee to create motivated, productive and loyal employees who have great work relationships with their colleagues and your customers. To learn more about an even better place to work visit beyondmorale.com/better.

 

Alright, here we go Fast Leader listeners it’s time for the Hump Day Hoedown. Okay, Ann, the Hump Day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So, I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Ann Parker, are you ready to hoedown?

 

Ann Parker:    I’m ready. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Alright.  What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

 

Ann Parker:    I think self-doubt is one thing that creeps up time and again for me and so being able to recognize when that’s happening and kind of call it out in myself and then either surround myself with people who can do what I can’t do or be honest with other when there’s something I don’t know and then again play to my strength. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

 

Ann Parker:    You are the best leader when you are you. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

 

Ann Parker:    I’m a pretty empathetic person and so I like to get to know people and see the world from their eyes and their view. I think that hatred and greed and intolerance can be avoided when people are able to as the old cliche’s—walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. And so I think I really value respect and empathy and that has helped me to be a pretty effective leader. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life?

 

Ann Parker:    Faith. I would say faith in myself. Faith in the five people who I know will love me unconditionally no matter what. And faith in my God. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What would be one book and it could be from any genre that you’d recommend to our listeners? 

 

Ann Parker:    Brené Brown’s, Daring Greatly and her newest as well, Rising Strong. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Okay, Fast Leader listeners you can find links to that and other bonus information from today show by going to fastleader.net/Ann Parker. Okay, Ann, this is my last Hump Day Hoedown question: Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25 and you’ve been given the opportunity to take the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you but you can’t take everything back you can only choose one, so what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why?

 

Ann Parker:    Decisiveness and the ability to understand that not every decision you make has to be perfect and there is not always a right choice. So you could be faced with choice A or choice B and both are okay, just make a decision.

 

Jim Rembach:    Ann it was an honor to spend time with you today, can you please share with the Fast Leader Legion how they can connect with you?

 

Ann Parker:    Yes, you can connect with me via e-mail at aparker@td.org. You could also check out my latest publication via ATD, www.td.org/ctto.

 

Jim Rembach:    Ann Parker thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. 

 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show, special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster.

 

END OF AUDIO 

 

 

 

2019-11-27T23:47:41-05:00September 14th, 2016|Podcasts|0 Comments

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