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264: Pam McLean: Who you are is how you coach

Pam McLean Show Notes Page Pam McLean came to realize that being a good coach or a good leader is not enough to coach anyone. Today, we need great coaches and leaders that can navigate complex issues and ambiguous situations and, most importantly, be adaptable. And it all starts with their internal landscape. Pam was …

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Ajit Nawalkha Live Big | Mindvalley | Evercoach

208: Ajit Nawalkha: I believe I can live big

Ajit Nawalkha Show Notes Page

Ajit Nawalkha used to have a constant dialogue of self-doubt. Coming from a background that was not very abundant, Ajit fought social comparison and feelings that he was not good enough. But over time with constant re-programming, he’s been able to have more dialogue of “I can” and to help others LIVE BIG.

Ajit Nawalkha was born in Jaipur, Rajasthan – India. He grew up in a home with 23 other family members under one roof. Clearly, in such conditions space and money were limited. Early in life, he decided that he wanted a bigger life.

So, he learned that if he was to “make it in life” the choice laid between 3 options: a career of a lawyer, a doctor or of an engineer. Trying to follow the traditional path, Ajit opted for the latest… Only to be standing in front of his family a few years later, announcing that he has chosen a path of an entrepreneur instead.

Online education was at its early stages, Facebook had just come out, believing there were any money or success in that field felt rather as an insanity. Despite family concerns, he dropped his engineering study to pursue a career in business. He started as a non-profit intern in Mindvalley – the same company where one day he would become a CEO.

Joining the company, he felt like he was finally surrounded by people who understood him and spoke his language. Finally, having found his natural environment, Ajit started growing at exponential rate. He quickly moved from a non-profit intern to a department head and then to CEO of the company. That seemed like a dream-come-true.

Ajit had also started his career as an entrepreneur and business investor. He started working with business owners, teachers, and healers, helping them to grow their business. Suddenly the position of the CEO did not seem like the top of his career. Ajit felt his passion and purpose revolved around helping coaches, authors, speakers, and entrepreneurs create a positive impact in the greater world.

So, having achieved what seemed like a pick of the business career before 30, he was starting fresh once again. His company Evercoach was born. Evercoach is a virtual hub for coaches. Ajit’s life was transformed by smart, gifted coaches and mentors, and this motivated him to become a coach himself. His mission is to empower dedicated educators, coaches and teachers to facilitate positive change in the world.

Ajit formulated his own leadership approach. Confronting traditional business education, he advocates for “leader of none” approach, believing you are only as brilliant as people that follow you.

Over the past decade he has helped build training and coaching companies to inspire the coming generation, transform entrepreneurs to live on purpose, while enjoying their lives while increasing profits.

Ajit currently lives in Los Angeles, California and loves to explore the world, learn different cuisines, write, and spending time with his wife Neeta and his son.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen to #ajitnawalkha to get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow – Click to Tweet  

“As a leader you’re not just a role model, you need to create other role models.” – Click to Tweet  

“You just being good at your job doesn’t make you a really good leader.” – Click to Tweet  

“Just getting assigned as a leader, while you’re just great at your job, is actually very wrong in context of the stress that it creates for the person.” – Click to Tweet  

“The leader themselves have to first figure themselves out before they step into the role of helping other people.” – Click to Tweet  

“The biggest role of a leader is not to do their job, but to help other people to do their job.” – Click to Tweet  

“Good leaders, you’ll love them for not doing anything.” – Click to Tweet  

“Leaders are supposed to not actually do the job.” – Click to Tweet  

“People who progress in life are people who work on themselves.” – Click to Tweet  

“All humans are working with humans in some capacity.” – Click to Tweet  

“The greater you understand yourself, the greater you understand your capabilities, the greater you understand the outside world.” – Click to Tweet  

“Your inner dialogue is way-way-way deep; it’s uncomfortable, but it’s important.” – Click to Tweet  

“We are all perfect in our own unique way.” – Click to Tweet  

“We are all a set of values and beliefs.” – Click to Tweet  

“The same set of beliefs that may serve you at point in life, does not serve you at a different point in life.” – Click to Tweet  

“Most of our values and beliefs are not nature, they’re nurture.” – Click to Tweet  

“One of the biggest reasons you may not make progress is because your values and beliefs are conflicting to your progress.” – Click to Tweet  

“The most amazing thing about finding yourself is that everything becomes easy.” – Click to Tweet  

“If you want to make progress in your career, know yourself more.” – Click to Tweet  

Hump to Get Over

Ajit Nawalkha used to have a constant dialogue of self-doubt. Coming from a background that was not very abundant, Ajit fought social comparison and feelings that he was not good enough. But over time with constant re-programming, he’s been able to have more dialogue of “I can” and to help others LIVE BIG.

Advice for others

Know that you’ll be okay. Don’t operate from fear and scarcity.

Holding him back from being an even better leader

More learning.

Best Leadership Advice

Care for people, people matter.

Secret to Success

I don’t operate from ego.

Best tools in business or life

Organization, a lot of tech tools.

Recommended Reading

Live Big: The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Passion, Practicality, and Purpose

Contacting Ajit Nawalkha

Website: https://www.ajitnawalkha.com/

Website: http://www.livebigthebook.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ajitnawalkha

Resources and Show Mentions

Call Center Coach

An Even Better Place to Work

 

Show Transcript: 

[expand title=”Click to access edited transcript”]

208: Ajit Nawalkha: I believe I can live big

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Call center coach develops and unites the next generation of call center leaders. Through our e-learning and community individuals gain knowledge and skills in the six core competencies that is the blueprint that develops high-performing call center leaders. Successful supervisors do not just happen so go to callcentercoach.com to learn more about enrollment and download your copy of the Supervisor Success Path e-book now.

 

Jim Rembach:    Okay Fast Leader Legion today I’m excited because on the show today I have somebody who is going to tell us and help us with a core tenet on what it takes to be an effective leader. Ajit Nawalkha, was born and raised in Jaipur Rajasthan, India. He grew up in a home with 23 other family members under one roof. Clearly in such condition space and money were limited. Early in life he decided that he wanted a bigger life. So he learned that if he was to make it in life the choice laid between three options a career of a lawyer, a doctor, or an engineer. Trying all the traditional path, Ajit, opted for the latest only to be standing in front of his family a few years later announcing that he has chosen a path of an entrepreneur. Online education was at its early stages. Facebook had just come out and believing there were any money or success in that field felt rather as an insanity. Despite family concerns he dropped his engineering study to pursue a career in business. He started as a non-profit intern in Mine Valley, the same company where he one day would become a CEO.

 

Joining the company he felt like he was finally surrounded by people who understood him and spoke his language. Finally having found his natural environment, Ajit, started growing at exponential rate. He quickly moved from a non-profit intern to a department head and then to CEO of the company, that seemed like a dream come true. Ajit had also started his career as an entrepreneur and business investor. He started working with business owners, teachers, healers, helping them to grow their business. Suddenly the position of CEO did not seem like the top of his career. Ajit felt his passion and purpose revolved around helping coaches, authors, speakers, and entrepreneurs create a positive impact in the greater world. So having achieved what seemed like a pic of the business career before 30 he was starting fresh once again. His company, Ever Coach, was born. Ever Coach, is a virtual hub for coaches. Ajit life was transformed by smart, gifted coaches, and mentors and this motivated him to become a coach himself. 

 

His mission is to empower dedicated educator, coaches and teachers to facilitate positive change in the world. Ajit formulated his own leadership approach confronting traditional business education/ He advocates for leader of none approach. Believing you are only as brilliant as the people that follow you. Over the past decade he has helped build training and coaching companies to inspire the coming generation transform entrepreneurs to live on purpose while enjoying their lives while increasing profits. Ajit currently lives in Los Angeles, California and loves to explore the world, learn different cuisines, and write and spending time with his wife Nita and his son. Ajit Nawalkha, are you ready to help us get over the hump?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     I’m absolutely excited to be here Jim. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Well I’m glad you’re here. I’ve actually been following you for a number of years so I’m really excited that you’re here. I’ve given my Legion a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you even better?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     My current passion apart from family of course that’s my primary driver, at this point is just to take care of the family and really spend time with them. But at the same time what I’m passionate about is to be able to create positive change in the world. I do that by building businesses or helping businesses around different types of education sector and different type of education that are around adult development, not just child development. But also by writing books, by writing articles, creating videos that inspire, motivate and help people take action towards creating greater reality for themselves. I’m a researcher in that context. I research, I test, I find different idea, I build them together and I try to create greater philosophies that can help humanity move forward. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Yeah, and I really like I mean I like—like I’ve been following you for a couple years and talking about that whole exploring and testing and talking about adult learning. One of the things that you and I had the opportunity to chat before we got on the interview was this whole concept of—for me trying to develop that existing frontline leader in customer care environments and how oftentimes they’re just given and bestowed the responsibility with not a whole lot of opportunity to develop themselves. But yet they are given the responsibility to develop others. What’s the problem with that? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Well there’s a lot of problems to that. It happened with me also early on in my career where, like you said I was an intern in the company Mind Valley which I’m also a co-founder of. But when I was an intern in the company what had happened was the person that was supposed to lead me had been recently demoted because of some internal challenges in their performance. And because of that I was kind of made the leader of the team. But I didn’t know anything about how online marketing works, how business works. I was learning it but—I was a 24 year old kid I didn’t really know what to do. And at that point what had happened was because of that responsibility I know I built some really bad habits as a leader. As much as you can get this responsibility if you don’t have the right training it becomes a bit of a challenge. Because as a leader you’re not really playing only the role of being a role model but you’re also being somebody who needs to create the role models. You need to be able to inspire the team to be able to take action. You’re just being good at your job doesn’t make you a really good leader it just makes you really good at your job. 

 

Maybe you can train people on it, maybe. But that also is a whole different skill a whole different gamut of area that you need to kind of consider and work towards. So just getting assigned to become a leader while you’re just great at your job is actually very wrong in context of the stress that it creates for the person that takes those leadership roles. Because that is why also we see so much conflict internally in the team it’s because the leader themselves have to first figure themselves out before they are stepping into the role of saying, oh, I can help other people. One of the biggest roles of a leader is not really to do their job but actually to help other people do their job. And that’s really the role of a leader in a way. 

 

Jim Rembach:     As you started talking I started thinking about some of the studies that I have reviewed. One of them talking about, the glass ceiling when you hit a certain point. Meaning that your technical skills and abilities will get you so far and for a lot of people in organizations that will get them to a senior level role. But in order for them to get into that next level where they’re actually leading the people who are in those roles it kind of flips. Your technical skill while it’s important and having that know-how is there but you now have to be one who leads and, oh by the way, I have this technical benefit. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Exactly. Think about it like this, as you move up the ranks—for all the listeners that are thinking about taking a leadership role or have taken a leadership role, look at your leaders job role see how much of your leaders job is to not actually do what technically needs to be done. You might think, oh they don’t do anything they just sit around and don’t know anything, but that is actually their job to actually sit around. It’s not that they’re not doing anything what they’re doing is exactly getting you to do your job in an effective powerful way. Good leaders, you will love them for not doing anything. The bad leaders are the ones where you go, oh they’re not doing anything I’m the one who does all the work. The other one who does all the work, yes, because you are not leading the team yet. Leaders are supposed to not actually do the job. Because if that would be the case, it will all be based on technical know-how. And technical know-how has a limit. 

 

After a point there is no greater technical know-how there’s a greater experience which basically tells you what mistakes you don’t need to do but it’s not new technical know-how. If you know a language encoded in the particular language everybody knows that language it’s all about the quality of the skill that they might have. But a leader of the team not just leader in superiority in the technical know-how but leader of the team is usually the person or should be the person that actually knows how to inspire the team, how to coach the team, actually knows what the team should be doing in times of stress and in times of concern. So there are more people who rile people up and bring them together to create a team to create an atmosphere of high performance. Not necessarily people who are the greatest technical advanced human being in the team that’s not what they are there for.

 

On this particular study you don’t put an age on it they’ve said when people kind of hit their mid-40s and. Oftentimes we hear about this midlife crisis, mid-career crisis, and I dare to suspect that a lot of it happens at that time where you get this technical skill and ability not being able to take you to the next level and you get this stagnation that occurs because you haven’t been coached on how to lead all along the way. That’s one of the greatest things that are missing in the corporate environment right now. People are moving up the ranks without actually being trained for it, without being coached for it. That’s why they start to struggle the moment they go up and they start to get into conflicts. 

 

Jim Rembach:     So when you start looking at—talking about the diversity of the coaches that you’ve had the opportunity to work with, and you start putting in the context of that people moving to that next level of responsibility. I’m also a firm believer that growth doesn’t mean dis-movement doesn’t mean upward, growth happens this way as well. You’re talking about impacting the world and humanity it isn’t necessarily that I’m at the top and being able to coat down on humanity in order to be able to teach but I have to be you amongst them within it, so I see growth in different ways. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Absolutely. 

 

Jim Rembach:     But when you start talking about being able to get people to effectively move in that direction and looking all the diversity of coaches, where do you find the most success? What type of discipline or what type of area?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     In coaching or even in training or just as human beings what I’ve found is the more people start to work on themselves. It’s a very diverse field working on themselves. It’s not an easy play. It’s probably one of the most complicated things to do and most ignored thing to do. And that’s the dialogue of our education system. In education system it’s all about technical. It’s all about what’s the technical thing that you need to learn. It’s all about the strategies. It’s the things that we can make sense of, it’s what we teach in school. You can make sense of—you’ll write this or this is the Newton’s law, this is whatever law and those laws make sense so we can teach it and so we work on that and that’s what we teach. But what we do is we train the kids to learn only the technical things. And they feel that the progress in life associated to their technical growth. What we know for sure at this point and this is not just me saying it here but like you quoted a study that you read there are multiple studies that had been done which shows that people who progress in life are people who work on themselves. 

 

There’s a reason why readers are leaders. Those lines are not just hypothetical these are studies that have been done again and again these are questions that have been asked to leaders again and again—top entrepreneurs, top celebrities, top professionals again and again and again. The single biggest attitude that these individuals tend to have is they constantly focus on their personal growth. And as they grow personally they tend to grow academically they tend to grow spiritually they tend to grow career-wise they tend to grow in dimensions that otherwise they didn’t even know they had the bandwidth to be able to grow. Because after all humans are working with humans in some capacity. 

 

Even if you’re working with a software code you’re kind of working to replicate a human nature in some way. The task that human beings do that’s kind of you’re trying to replicate. So you have an understanding of human beings. You have an understanding of emotions. Greater you understand yourself, greater you understand your capabilities greater you understand the outside world. And that’s one of the biggest skills that you can have as a professional, as an entrepreneur for you to be able to go, hey, what is the inner dialogue that I can work on? It’s hard, it’s not easy it looks easy because we always touch the surface and we can say, oh, I know my inner dialogue but that’s not your inner dialogue most of the time it’s a reflection of society that you see on the surface. 

 

Your inner dialogue is way, way, way deep and it’s uncomfortable but it’s important as more and more of that you do. And which is what you do for example Jim, like you help people really figure that dialogue out when you’re coaching them, you’re training them on leadership. Leadership training is personal development that is personal development. People think it’s something different, it’s not it’s the same. You’re talking about communication. You’re talking about understanding of the human being that is personal development. 

 

Jim Rembach:    That is so true. And even when you were talking I started thinking about something that I saw where Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba, was talking about how our education system is seriously flawed with what you were referring to where we were teaching them how to do this stuff and all this technical stuff when we should actually having even more of the arts even more of the creative side. As he was saying with the way that we’re going a lot of that technical stuff is going to be machine stuff anyway. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Yeah, because that’s what humanity is. Human humanity is always making that progress. We want to make things easier. The reason why we want things easier is because we want to actually be more creative. We want to be more in follow we want to be more in our bodies we want to be more in the nature so it seemed like for the longest time we wanted to do more but we actually want to do less as human beings. It’s not that we want to sit around and get bored it’s we want to do less of things that we don’t like that’s what I really mean. We don’t want to sit on the desk all day long nobody enjoys that. I have not met one person who says, I love that I don’t get to interact with anyone. Even introverts are not like that. Introverts are like, yep, I will like my desk but I can read a book I can do this I can do that I don’t have to look at my computer all day. Nobody likes that absolutely no one.

 

Jim Rembach:    To me as you were talking I’m like, okay, the world’s coming back around to you Ajit. We need to learn how to be even better humans and then we have been. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Yeah, absolutely. And we are great humans it’s just that because of all the social noise, it’s called a social comparison theory it’s been research by I think Stanford, where they talk about that we as human beings have start to compare ourselves relative to other people. We have always been like that but now it’s magnified thanks to social media because we’re looking at other people’s lives at all times. So what we do is we draw comparatives and we look at our life in context to somebody else’s life. Instead of looking at our life in context of our life which should be the way because we are a different unique DNA versus anybody else. So why compare to a different DNA when our DNA is completely different, that is the challenge right now that we face as humanity. We are all perfect in our own unique way. It may seem imperfect in comparison but direct comparison to ourselves we are usually very perfect human beings. If we make progress towards what our greatest strengths are and work a little bit on weaknesses as well we would create great progress for our reality. 

 

Jim Rembach:    I can only imagine that with all of the coaches that you’ve worked with and all these different disciplines, even your work at Mind Valley, you’ve been inspired in so many different ways. Like I said it’s one reason why I follow you because of your inspirational message. On the show we like sharing quotes and I’m sure you probably have tons that you love to share. But is there one or two that you can actually share with us?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     There quite a few like you said. And I usually misquoted so think of it as a paraphrase and usually I don’t really necessarily try to remember who said it because what I love is the essence of things. I think the essence is what is important not necessarily the quote itself. The first essence that I love is, if you think you can if you think you can you’re always right. So basically the decision of you saying, can you do something or can’t you do something? Because it’s not can or can’t that’s not what you’re really evaluating you’re evaluating is your intention to want to do it or not want to do it because you’re always right. If you say you can’t do something it’s because your intention is to not be able to do it. But if you say you can do some that’s your intention. So you play your intention and that will always be right in the larger context of the outcome that you create. 

 

Another one that I love is, you don’t solve a problem by solving the problem you solve a problem by creating a new reality.  Usually people think that, oh, there’s a problem let’s fix the problem. But usually the problem originates from a very different reality that we have in our life. It’s either embodied in us in our ecosystem in our systems in a company and usually tackling the problem is a very temporary solution. Sometimes you need to do that temporary solution but most of the times you actually need to create a new reality that is not in alignment with the old reality that you had that is creating the problems. Does that make sense? 

 

Jim Rembach:      It doesn’t make sense. And it also makes sense in in a business perspective from a customer experience perspective. I think too many times companies focus on and try fixing the problem that a customer may have when they really need to be figuring out a brand new reality for that customer. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Yeah, brand new reality for that customer. Brand new reality for their company if there’s a repeated problem. That has become a problem it’s probably because there’s something flawed in the company. There’s some process flaw there’s some product flaw there’s some systems flaw there’s some human flaw there is some flaw but you will only be able to figure that flaw out by creating a new reality you won’t be able to figure the flaw any other way. 

 

Jim Rembach:      That’s very true. Okay, so now  looking at where you’ve come from where you are and also even where you’re headed I know there’s humps that you’ve had to get over and we learn from those. Talking about coaching and reflecting upon self and stuff, one of the ways that we do that if we can’t come back on our own history is we have to learn about others. So is there a story that you can share where we can learn?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Well I think the biggest hump that has happened and tends to come back sometimes even as I go through life is my constant dialogue of self-doubt. Not constant but used to be a constant dialogue of self-doubt and I think that’s a common thing that happens. It is a reflection of not only social- comparison but also of my background. Because I come from not a very abundant background I always doubted if I’m good enough if I’m actually going to be successful. I was a little bit overweight so I didn’t think I was pretty enough or good-looking enough and so on and so forth so I think those were some of the big hurdles that I’ve gotten passed over time. Like constant reprogramming,  constant reprogramming, and really being able to believe in myself and really being able to say that I can be what I—it’s the same quote that I said, you can or you can’t you’re always right to be able to have more dialogues of I can and I believe I have more capabilities than I imagined. If I constantly work towards it and I constantly evaluate it and learn around it I will be able to get past it. 

 

Jim Rembach:    As you were saying that I picked up on something that I find going back to that whole concept of fixing the system versus creating a new reality and that was your word reprogramming. I think too many times we do that self-reflection we try fixing something about ourselves when in fact we should be trying to do the reprogramming of ourselves. When you talk about reprogramming, what does that really mean? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Well reprogramming means we are all a set of beliefs. If you really think about us as human beings we are a set of values and beliefs that’s what we are really like emotionally and spiritually. We have a certain values and we want to live by those values we are either fighting for those values or we are living those values and we have certain beliefs. Now these values and beliefs, values are mostly intrinsic which means that’s your nature like that’s just how you were born that’s your DNA most of the time. Some values are built over time as well. Some of your core, core, core values is just what gives you joy and pleasure and that is a whole different conversation to really find those values, and I’m not going to go there, but to understand that you have values and you have beliefs and that you live by and that’s why you follow a political party that’s why you follow a particular religion that’s why you follow a particular authority figure whatever that is because you have a set of values you have a set of beliefs. Now these set of values and beliefs serve you and sometimes they don’t serve you. The same set of values and same set of beliefs that may serve you at a point in life does not serve you at a different point of life. It’s just how life is. 

 

What happens is you have to be able to constant revisit what these values and beliefs are and if they’re serving you or they’re not serving you. If they’re not serving you because most of our values and beliefs are not nature they’re nurture which means you’ve learned from the world as you progress from your childhood to your adulthood in your job in your relationship. You have created these values because this is a protective mechanism for you something that gives you a stand gives you some kind of protection from the outside world. Like for example, if you believe money is the root of all evil which is a popular belief in a lot of religion if that’s a value or a belief that you operate from that will not serve you in making money because you think it’s the root of all evil. So if that value is one of your core values that belief is one of your core beliefs, guess why you are not going to be able to make progress in your career? Because you would think you will get richer. And as you’ll get richer, you become evil especially if you have a negative connotation to evil too, which everybody does. But at the same point and time, money is not equal to evil, evil people with money is evil. Money is not the root of evil. You can replace that value you can replace that value by saying, money is a magnifier. Meaning, if you’re a good person money will only show more people that you are even better person, which is actually the belief that

I have. Money is a magnifier if I’m a good person. If I have more money all you will see is more good which is why more good people should become rich.  But if you’re a bad person well more people will think you’re bad and that’s okay too, that’s just what it is. If I have a belief that money is a magnifier I’m a good person I don’t mind being rich, I will pursue in a direction of making more money. Now this is of course one of the examples that I’m saying, beliefs and values are spread and sprinkled over all our life and we just have to constantly evaluate and say, hey, is this value serving me? Is this belief serving me? Or is it not? Because one of the biggest reasons you may not make progress is because your values and your beliefs are conflicting to your progress. 

 

Jim Rembach:     I think that’s a very valid point. I think a lot of times once we find—I think that’s where people find discomfort with where they are in a place or career. Like you’re talking about I haven’t quite gotten a grasp on myself and then when I do finally get that I realize what that doesn’t align with who I’m working for no wonder why I can’t stand being here. 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Yeah. That’s true if that’s the case, if you find more and more about yourself. But, hey, listen a lot of people might say, should I not find myself? Because if I find myself I might want to quit my job. The most amazing thing about finding yourself is everything becomes easy. If you feel like you need a job and you need to make this much revenue or this much money while you’re at the job and so forth, it actually becomes easier once yourself for you to be able to create that. As much as it will look hard right now, because you’ll be like, oh, what happens if I’m out of my job or if I’m out of my boss? You want to be out of your job or you might not like your boss. If I am not in alignment with my boss, what will happen? You will find a way to become your own boss. Or you will find a way to replace the boss. You’ll find a way because you are so in tune with yourself. Remember, in your job when you see the confident people, when you see the people confident but not assholes, so you got to be careful, they’re confident people and then they’re assholes. They look the same often but they’re not the same. 

 

Confident people are confident people and sometimes some people who are just not in alignment or assholes also look like confident people. If you look at the confident people, people that you look at and you go, hey, that’s an awesome person that’s a great gal that’s a great guy I love this person and I love their confidence, that’s a confident person most of the time. if you love those people those people are also the people that are full embodiment of their values that’s why they are so confident. Because they’re going, alright, I know exactly who I am I know what I can deliver and I know how to deliver it. So they don’t have a problem progressing in their career, they never have a problem progressing in their career. Look at the confident people they don’t have a problem the reason’s because they are in alignment with themselves. One of the things that you can take away today is if you want to be clearer about your career and if you want to make progress your career, know thyself know yourself more and that will help you. 

 

Jim Rembach:     That’s fantastic. We had talked earlier—you’re starting a family, the work that you’ve been doing and that you’re still yet to do I know you’ve got a lot of goals, but what would be just one of them? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     My common vision for myself and my family, once our son grows up you’ll see if his values is the same but me and my wife definitely align on this, is to help move the needle. Help move the line. Help create a positive shift towards humanity. Move that needle a little bit more. And that’s really the intention that we show up at every single day. Our values that we know as core to both me and my wife is service and love. We want to operate all this from a place of love and we all always operate from a place of service to be able to help humanity to be able to help our friends to be able to help our families and that’s really the place that we operate from. And because of that every goal, every vision, of ourselves is always in alignment with that. If we can make progress towards a positive greater world that’s what we want to do more of. 

 

Jim Rembach:     And the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor. 

 

An even better place to work is an easy-to-use solution that gives you a continuous diagnostic on employee engagement along with integrated activities that will improve employee engagement and leadership skills in everyone. Using this award-winning solution is guaranteed to create motivated, productive and loyal employees who have great work relationships with their colleagues and your customers. To learn more about an even better place to work visit beyondmorale.com/better. 

 

Alright, here we go Fast Leader Legion it’s time for the Hump day Hoedown. Okay, Ajit, the Hump day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Ajit Nawalkha, are you ready to hoedown? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     I am absolutely ready. Let’s do it. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Alright. So what do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     I take more learning. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What is the best leadership advice you have ever received? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Care for people. People matter. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What is one of your secrets that you believe helps you do better in life and in work?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     I don’t operate from ego. I am an ego-less man. I have less ego. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Organization, lots of tools, lots of tech tools. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What would be one book that you’d recommend to our legion, it could be from any genre? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Well right now I recommend my book, Live Big, it’s coming out now. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay, Fast Leader legion you can find links to that and another bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/ajit nawalkha, and just do Ajit, you’ll be able to find it. Okay, Ajit, this is my last Hump day Hoedown question: Imagine you were given the opportunity go back to the age 25. And you could take all the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you but you can’t take everything back you can only choose one. So what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why?

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     I think the piece of knowledge that I will take back with me will be the knowing that I’ll be okay. I think I operated a lot from fear and scarcity when I was younger. I think I could do better if I just knew that I’ll be okay and everything will be fine. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Ajit, thanks for being with us today. How can the Fast Leader Legion connect with you? 

 

Ajit Nawalkha:     Well, get the book. As you get the book you will see various ways to interact with me. You can get the book at livebigthebook.com. As you go there you’ll get a get a copy of the book as you get the copy of the book you’ll find a secret link in there which allows you to be able to get a free program with us and also be able to interact with me directly. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Ajit Nawalkha, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader Legion, honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!

 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links, from every show special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already. Head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster. 

 

END OF AUDIO 

 

[/expand]

 

Karen Chaston: Live Love by Design

206: Karen Chaston: I did not honor myself

Karen Chaston Show Notes Page

Karen Chaston tragically lost her son Dan and she went straight back to work. She knew how to be a CFO, not a grieving mother. Eventually, she learned that his passing was meant for her to wake up. She now knows that you can have that career, but it doesn’t have to come at a cost to you.

Karen was born and raised in Sydney Australia. She is the third oldest of 6 girls and 1 boy. The boy is the baby and even now at 53, he’s still the golden child!!

Her parents were married for just under 52 years. Sadly, her dad passed away in 2003, though her mum is still going strong at 88.

In 1973, at age 16 Karen gave birth to a daughter who she adopted out. Karen then decided to not complete her final year of high school and started her banking career which lasted for 10 years.

At the age of 19, she moved north to the Gold Coast which is in South Queensland (another Australian state) with her then boyfriend Andrew. She married Andrew a year later in 1978. Earlier this year they celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.

They have three boys Ben (37) Josh (34) and Dan. Josh and Dan were twins, unfortunately Dan passed away at age 27 in July 2011.

After the twins were born, she took six months off and then she was offered a 4-week casual job at Dreamworld (a theme park on the Gold Coast), which lasted 14 years. In 1996, when she was Financial Systems Manager, her CFO boss suggested that if she ever wanted to be paid what she thought she was worth she had better go and get her bit of paper. She listened. Then whilst working full time from 1996 -1999 she studied part time at Bond University for Master of Accounting Degree (life was her undergrad). Then in 2001 she was granted her CPA status.

From there she rose the corporate ladder very quickly, eventuating with her and Andrew returning to Sydney to be the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of a publicly listed company form 2008-2013.

After losing her son in 2011 and then 15 months later, choosing redundancy (being laid off) she started on her journey to becoming her own best friend. A journey through life’s university, empowering her with the wisdom to become an author, speaker, trainer, radio co-host and ultimately, her founding the Live Love By Design brand which includes online and offline programs, book, soon to be released Live Love By Design TV and Live Love: Give Back to Teens Project.

Karen and Andrew currently live in Sydney, but plan to move back to Queensland soon.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen to @KarenChaston4u to get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow – Click to Tweet

“Everything starts with you, where a lot of time, we tend to put ourselves last.” – Click to Tweet

“How often do we end up fighting with colleagues, all because we haven’t taken the time to look at them from a different perspective.” – Click to Tweet 

“We’re constantly not only battling against our peers, but our self as well.” – Click to Tweet 

“We self-sabotage, so many times.” – Click to Tweet 

“It’s about being more conscious in everything you do.” – Click to Tweet 

“How many roles do we play during a day?” – Click to Tweet 

“When you have great relationships, especially with yourself, everything is just easier.” – Click to Tweet 

“It’s all about you actually understanding what you want out of life.” – Click to Tweet 

“So many times, we don’t even define what success means to us, we take on someone else’s definition.” – Click to Tweet

“There’s a million ways to look at anything, but we get stuck in, this is the way we do things.” – Click to Tweet

“We all forget to breathe, properly.” – Click to Tweet 

“You can have it all, but when you drift apart from who you are, life doesn’t work.” – Click to Tweet 

“It will take you nine months to birth your new way of life.” – Click to Tweet 

“When you start to change, everyone around you will start to change.” – Click to Tweet 

Hump to Get Over

Karen Chaston tragically lost her son Dan and she went straight back to work. She knew how to be a CFO, not a grieving mother. Eventually, she learned that his passing was meant for her to wake up. She now knows that you can have that career, but it doesn’t have to come at a cost to you.

Advice for others

You are the only person you are going to spend your entire life with. So, put yourself first, find your strength, courage and truth to make sure you live a life that is true to you.

Holding her back from being an even better leader

Not really very much. I’m only in competition with “yesterday me”.

Best Leadership Advice

Schedule everything in your calendar. Look to if it’s been your joy, moving you closer to your goal, if you should delegate it, or eliminate it.

Secret to Success

I genuinely listen to people and myself. I keep asking questions, is there an easier way of doing this better.

Best tools in business or life

Constantly monitoring my goals and how I’m closing gaps in each pillar under the live love way of life.

Recommended Reading

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

A Journey To Becoming Your Own Best Friend: A Woman’s Guide To Getting Out of Her Own Way

Contacting Karen Chaston

Website: http://www.karenchaston.com.au/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/KarenChaston4u

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/empowerwomen/

Resources and Show Mentions

Call Center Coach

An Even Better Place to Work

Show Transcript: 

[expand title=”Click to access edited transcript”]

206: Karen Chaston: I did not honor myself

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Call center coach develops and unites the next generation of call center leaders. Through our e-learning and community individuals gain knowledge and skills in the six core competencies that is the blueprint that develops high-performing call center leaders. Successful supervisors do not just happen so go to callcentercoach.com to learn more about enrollment and download your copy of the Supervisor Success Path e-book now.

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay Fast Leader legion today I’m excited because I have somebody on the show today who’s going to give us a quite different perspective on our careers and our lives. Karen Chaston was born and raised in Sydney, Australia. She’s the third oldest of six girls and one boy, the boy is the baby and even now at 53 he’s still the golden child. Her parents were married for just under 52 years. Sadly her dad passed away in 2003 though her mom is still going strong at 88. In 1973 at the age of 16 Karen gave birth to a daughter who she adopted out. Karen then decided to not complete her final year of high school and started her banking career which lasted for ten years. At the age of 19 she moved north to the Gold Coast which is in South Queensland with her then boyfriend Andrew. She married Andrew a year later in 1978. 

 

Earlier this year they celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. They have three boys Ben, Josh and Dan. Josh and Dan were twins and unfortunately Dan passed away at the age of 27 in July 2011. After the twins were born she took 6 months off and then she was offered a four week casual job at Dreamworld which is a theme park on the Gold Coast and that lasted for 14 years. In 1996 when she was financial systems manager her CFO boss suggested that if she ever wanted to be paid what she thought she was worth that she had better go and get her a bit of paper. She listened and then while working full-time from ‘96 to ‘99 she studied part-time at Bond University for a master of accounting degree then in 2001 she was granted her CPA status from there she rose the corporate ladder very quickly. Eventually with her and Andrew returning to Sydney to be the chief financial officer of a publicly listed company from 2008 to 2013. After losing her son in 2011 and then 15 months later choosing redundancy, which is being laid off, she started on her journey to becoming her own best friend a journey through life’s university empowering her with the wisdom to become an author, speaker, trainer, radio co-host and ultimately founding the Live Love by design brand which includes online and offline programs a book soon to be released, Live Loved by design TV, and Live or Live Love: Give back to teens project. Karen and Andrew currently live in Sydney but plans to move back to Queensland soon.  Karen Chasten, are you ready to help us get over the hump? 

 

Karen Chaston:    I certainly am, thank you for having me. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Well, I’m glad you’re here. Now I’ve given my legion a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you even better? 

 

Karen Chaston:    My current passion is Live Love by design. I just love everything about it and I truly wish that I had this wisdom this understanding when I was a lot younger. Which is why my passion project is a Live Love Give back to Teens Project. I’m very passionate about showing this wisdom with young women especially young women who have had an unexpected pregnancy like I did in their teens or early 20s so that they can understand that no matter what choice they made whether they decided to keep the child, get married, raise it as a single mother or to abort their child or to adopt their child out like I do they still can live their dream life they still can have everything they desire or they require are the keys to their success which I share in the program, Live Love keys to a young woman’s success. 

 

Jim Rembach:     As you’re talking I started thinking about a lot of different aspects of I guess you’d say self-sabotage barriers, self-inflicted wounds, our own humps that we put in front of us. 

 

Karen Chaston:    Yeah, limiting beliefs the whole lot of it. 

 

Jim Rembach:     So when you start talking about the Live Love by design, for me I could initially say, oh this is just all fluffy stuff, but however I also know that you’re a CPA so there’s got to be some structure and frameworks and things like that, tell us a little bit about that? 

 

Karen Chaston:    There is a lot of structure. There’s nine areas of life in my Live Love our wheel of life and I like the fact that there’s nine. The reason being is nine is all about birthing, it takes nine months to birth a child and it really does take these nine areas of life for you to birth your Live Love way of life that I like to say. The nine areas are mentally, professionally, financially, family, socially, physically, spiritually, emotionally and environmentally, now that’s a lot to remember. So for ease I’ve bought them into four pillars which is all about you, all about your relationships, all about your expertise, and all about your wealth creation. And it should be in that order that you actually create everything. So everything starts with you, whereas a lot of time, especially women, we tend to forget about ourselves we tend to put ourselves last. And what happens when that happens? We end up in resentment we end up exhausted and we end up going when is it my time? 

 

Jim Rembach:     That’s very interesting that you say that. Because when we start talking about development, skill development, personal development, when we start looking at work—I was just reading a study that was talking about training and development at work and one of the things that was saying is that for a lot of organizations where the struggle becomes is that people don’t take the time to do it. Kind of like here in the States people have a lot of vacation or holiday time that they just end up sacrificing, they don’t take it they just continue to work on through. When you start talking about Live Love by design and being able to make sure that you’re investing in yourself and doing those things how do you get people to actually do that?

 

Karen Chaston:    Okay, so I show them the benefits of what happens when they do it. When they do spend the first hour of themselves each day and looking after themselves before they go to work and how different they are when they turn up to work how more productive they are how energized they are all day long. By showing people the difference is how they can actually go, I’m going to do it. And it’s quite interesting that you said that about taking leave and taking time to go to take the time to rejuvenate yourself. I always left every job with at least four weeks annually up my sleeve. I never did it, I worked, worked, worked. That’s why I love this program because I have lived that life of the people that I assist I can say firsthand, I know what you’re going through I’ve done it I burnt out I put on weight I did all of the things that I’m telling you not to do so I’m coming from that experience and I know how different. Not only I would have been but how different my colleagues would have been if I had these gems when I was in that role. Every single person in that organization would have been more productive would have been happier would have been truly coming to work and understanding each other. How often do we end up fighting with colleagues all because we haven’t taken the time to look at them from a different perspective?

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay, so as you’re talking I started thinking about how a lot of folks are saying that the younger generation is kind of requiring a workplace that is more like that. Is it possibly that we’re going to kind of grow into this as the workforce shifts or do we really need to make and take a proactive stance in moving things forward? Let me also add this one piece is that, here in the States there’s this whole gender pay equality thing that’s been existing as long as women have been in the workplace. 

 

Karen Chaston:    Yes, it’s the same in Australia, it’s the same reward. 

 

Jim Rembach:     So then if we talk about those things, and Live Love by design, is it part of that issue that kind of causes women to have to—I have to prove myself I have to compete at a higher degree I can’t give up—is that contributing to this issue?

 

Karen Chaston:    Totally. I totally agree. I know for a fact that I worked harder than any colleague or any peer of the same level it was because I was constantly trying to prove myself. And of course we’ve all heard of the imposter syndrome, we all have that and I thought it was just women that had that but I’ve spoken to a lot of men and a lot of men have it as well. We are constantly waiting for someone to tap us on the shoulder and say, you know what? You shouldn’t really be in this role you’re not as good as what you think you are. We constantly not only battling against our peers but our self as well we self-sabotage so many times. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay, we’re talking about a systematic approach that has the nine areas of focus. For me, like you said it was a lot, but then I also thinking about I can’t focus on nine things, maybe that’s a gender problem too I don’t know, from a system perspective how do you get to make sure that holistically they’re actually helping and lifting themselves up in all areas?

 

Karen Chaston:    Okay, so it’s actually quite simple and you’ve got to love the world we live in. We have a calendar, you schedule everything into your calendar and every week you review who you were at the start of the week what your goals were for the week and then you review at the end of the week and you just do that continually. So you’re continually moving forward you’re continually focusing on all nine areas of your life. Once you sort of get into the habit, and this we know it takes 62 days to form a habit, once you actually get into the routine it’s more about tweaking as opposed to, oh my god I’ve got to spend all this time looking at the nine areas how on earth can I possibly do that? It’s just about getting it and starting to understand how better you feel? How more alive you feel? Just by the fact that everything is coming together. How many times do people come home and they bring the worries of the day with them into the home. And then they end up fighting they’re not spending time with their family they’re not really there because they’re still going over the day in their head and they just plop themselves on the couch and sure they might have the TV on but they’re not even focusing on anything. It’s about being more conscious in everything that you do. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay, you just described my day of the past three days in a row. 

 

Karen Chaston:    You need to learn to transition then. And it’s so easy to do it you can just sit in your car for five minutes and breathe and then consciously say, who do I want to be when I walk through that door? And you can be that person. How many roles do we play during the day? There’s a lot isn’t it? And it’s about consciously starting your day walking through your day because you know what your days roughly going to be like and saying, who am I going to be in every different meeting in every different scenario? And then you bring that person into the scenario and everything just works easier because you’ve created it in your mind before you even start it. Sure it might not go a hundred percent the way you are but it’s going to be a lot easier. So you’re not bringing home that really tied burnt-out person and you’re then, okay I’m going to be a husband now I’m going to be an father now, so that you are actually, consciously making those relationships better in your life. When you have great relationships especially with yourself anything is just easier. 

 

I’m trying to think through all this and without knowing exactly the entire system program and all of that but I’m starting to think about isolation. Meaning that, okay I’m trying to do these things I’m trying to execute this system I’m trying to be proactive and get in front of this whole issue because it’s kind of like you–I always used to talk about training of people either you take the time and put in the investment to train those people otherwise you just end up doing it all yourself and they never learn the job and you have to invest upfront have the hard work come first in order for you to enjoy the easy later. I see this being very similar in that perspective. However, I would think that you would need to have some type of peer support at least to have the common thread with somebody else that kind of, hey, we’re going through this together, kind of like that buddy system. 

 

Yes that works but it’s all about you actually understanding what you want our life. So many times we don’t even define what success means to us. We take on someone else’s definition and we wonder why we’re either falling short or we achieve it really quickly and we’re still unfulfilled. So it is about you sitting back initially and defining what success means to you in every area of your life. Then you say and you’ve got to be really honest with yourself now, where am I now?  So if 10 out of 10 is success, where am I now? And more than likely you’re below five because you’ve never taken the time to do this. Then you figure out, okay, what are the action steps to get me from five to ten? Then you schedule those action steps keep reviewing, keep reviewing, keep reviewing and then you will achieve it. When you get to ten out of ten you will up the ante. And then you go back to five again and you just keep doing that and that’s how you create it. When you know inside of you what success means to you in all of areas of life you actually then are consciously always going where am I at? Where do I want to be?  How do I close that gap? How do I close that gap? And that’s what I love about it is because you’re actually consciously taking control of your life as opposed to just letting circumstances tell you where to go. But every single job I had circumstances got them for me I didn’t consciously go, I now want this role I’m now going to go there. Sure I became a CFO of a publicly listed company but that happened because I was in the current role I told him I was bored I told them I was going to start actively looking for another job and they said come to this company we’re directors here we want you there in that role. I didn’t even have to look for a job it just came to me. 

 

Jim Rembach:     It’s very interesting as you’re talking it reminds me of a brief conversation that I had really just yesterday with a friend of mine. She started talking about a lot of her female friends are going through, she call it a mid-career not a midlife I think she called a mid-career crisis. And really not trying to find their way on where they want to go next. And to me as you’re talking I’m like, oh, this is a solution for them. 

 

Karen Chaston:    Exactly and they are my ideal clients. Because it all comes from a different perspective. Let’s face we don’t know what we don’t know. It’s about someone else coming who has no agenda apart from helping them to succeed and say have you ever looked at it from this perspective? And let’s face it there’s a million ways to look at anything but we get so stuck in, this is the way we do things, that we don’t look outside of those areas. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Yeah, I think that’s an issue in a lot of different ways isn’t it? When I started thinking about the transition and all that you’ve gone through and the pivoting and going a different direction and coming to a lot of these realizations is that I can think of a lot of inspiration that you have found along the way. One of the things that we do in the show is look at quotes for that. Is there a quote or two that you can share that you like?

 

Karen Chaston:    My favorite quote, and I’m pretty sure everyone watching this or listening to this actually have been on a plane and they’ve all heard it, please put your own oxygen mask on first before you assist others. Now I found that’s not an emergency situation that is an everyday requirement. Because when you are all topped up when you are energized when you have looked after yourself first you can have anything come at you and you will not react you will just consciously know how to deal with anything. And you really do assist others all day long nothing fazes you because you’ve taken the time to breathe you’ve taken the time to look after who you are. And our breath is the most amazing thing on helping us in any scenario and we all forget to breathe properly deep into our bellies. 

 

Jim Rembach:     That’s a good point because I even talk about breathing, teaching my young middle school baseball players when they’re up and have a whole lot of anxiety and things like that and I’m like, look, stop, pause and breathe.  

 

Karen Chaston:    Exactly. 

 

Jim Rembach:     They look at me like I’m crazy. Maybe they’ll figure it out someday. 

 

Karen Chaston:    Get them to do it get them to notice how different they feel. Like consciously say, how do you feel at the moment? And they’ll feel it. Then say, okay, let’s do a couple of deep belly breaths. I like to call them my conscious loving breath. And then say, how do you feel now? And they’ll go, wow, then they’ll brave all the time. 

 

Jim Rembach:     That’s a good point. Okay, so now when we talking about again this transition everything I know you’ve had humps to get over. You and I’ve had the opportunity to chat on several occasions and we’ve had some really good discussions and I know you have a lot of good stories to share. But is there a time where you’ve gotten over the hump that you can share with us? 

 

Karen Chaston:    Yes there is actually. It all comes back to when my son passed in 2011. I did not honor him. I did not honor myself. I went straight back to work because I knew how to be a CFO I did not know how to be a grieving mother and to be quite honest I didn’t want to be a grieving mother. And that was meant to be my wake-up call and because I didn’t wake up I had to have another tragic event which was me being laid off. It was my choice when two companies merge together and they decided to offer me 2/3 of my current salary. I started to realize that I didn’t want to do it anymore I just couldn’t do it anymore it was just too draining on me. I now know that Dan’s passing was designed, and I’m pretty sure that we designed it on the other side, for me to actually wake up for me to actually start doing what I’m doing now to help the world to understand that you can have that career but it doesn’t have to come as a cost to you, for your health. There’s a saying, I gave up my health in order to get my wealth and now I’m spending my wealth to get back my health. And that truly was me and I truly believe I was heading for major illness—heart attack, stroke, and diabetes possibly even death. And it was through that life university phase of me actually learning new concepts learning new awareness that I came up with the, Live Love by design. It’s about helping people to actually go, you can have it all. But when you drift apart from who you are, life doesn’t work it may for a little while but it won’t wrong turn and that’s what I love about who I am today. I honestly wake up every day and I just love who I look at. I love my life and I like to say I dance to work and I tap-dance home because it is a new way of doing things as you said the younger ones are looking for a new way. We’ve been doing it this way for so long. Look at all the cancers in the world look at all the illness look at what stress is causing everyone it doesn’t have to be that way. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Alright, so gosh, there’s so many things are just flying through my head as you’re talking. I want to kind of get an idea of say a transition period. In other words I am struggling with some of these things today and I do put in or I’m going to put in the effort to make some changes but how long was it going to take me to really start getting some momentum from it?

 

Karen Chaston:    Okay, let’s put it this way as I said in the beginning nine months it’ll take you nine months to birth your new way of life and depending on how focused you are depending on how much you notice how much easier life is you could get there quicker. Okay, now nine months it sounds like a long time but how quickly do our years go by? How quickly do they fly by? It doesn’t take that long. But as with everything it comes back to you consciously deciding consciously seeing who you are today and then designing who you want to be. Because you can do it it’s really easy. You think nine months, come on, how old are you? For me it’s not even 161th of my life, so it’s not that long but you can do it. Not only will you do it when you start to change everyone around you will start to check. When you become happier when you become to truly enjoy your life it’s really easy. And you’ll be like, oh my god, why didn’t I know this when I was 20, that’s exactly what I say all the time. Why didn’t I have this wisdom when I was that young? Why didn’t I look after myself first when I was younger? Let’s face it it’s a lot easier to look after yourself to maintain than it is to do a big major overhaul. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Most definitely. Okay, so when you start talking about launching all these things and you’ve been working at this program and this work for a while, this coaching work, what are some of your goals?

 

Karen Chaston:    Some of my goals, well as you said in the beginning I’ve just launched my Live Love by design TV show, I obviously want to get out there I want to speak more I want to go into more corporations. I truly want to be able to go in in to back end, especially in accounting firms and especially in lawyers and all those sort of areas where I was really dealing with, banks and everything to actually go, come on it’s not working like you’re burning out your employees let’s look at a new way of doing things let’s just trial it let’s actually see what a difference this will make let’s actually have your employees work less hours but be more productive. Like how cool would that be? Why do we have to be there for 10-12 hours a day? We don’t, we can if you’re honest with everyone your staff are only working probably six hours of that 10 12 hours. They’re doing other things they’re just trying to cope to get through the day. So let’s actually bring it down so that they actually work less hours more productive you make more money and everyone is happier. That sounds pretty good to me. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Does to me too. And the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor. 

 

An even better place to work is an easy-to-use solution that gives you a continuous diagnostic on employee engagement along with integrated activities that will improve employee engagement and leadership skills in everyone. Using this award-winning solution is guaranteed to create motivated, productive and loyal employees who have great work relationships with their colleagues and your customers. To learn more about an even better place to work visit beyondmorale.com/better. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Alright, here we go Fast Leader Legion it’s time for the Hump day Hoedown. Okay, Karen, the Hump day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Karen Chaston, are you ready to hoedown? 

 

Karen Chaston:    I am.

 

Jim Rembach:     Alright. So what is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

 

Karen Chaston:    Not really very much, every night I actually really look at my day and I always ask myself two three questions and it’s in answering these questions that I always make sure that I’m continually moving forward and I like to say I’m only in competition with yesterday me no one else.

 

Jim Rembach:     What is the best leadership advice you have ever received? 

 

Karen Chaston:    To schedule everything in your calendar. To constantly look at it to constantly see if it’s bringing your joy, moving you closer to your goal or whether you can delegate it or eliminate it. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

 

Karen Chaston:    I genuinely listen to people and myself. I keep asking questions especially—is there an easier way that I can do this better? 

 

Jim Rembach:     What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life? 

 

Karen Chaston:    Constantly monitoring my goals. How I’m closing the gaps in each pillar under the Live Love way of life. All about you all about your relationships all about your expertise and all about your wealth creation. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What would be one book that you’d recommend to our Legion, and it could be from any genre? 

 

Karen Chaston:    It’s the, Five Regrets of the Dying from Ronnie Ware, she was an Australian palliative care nurse. She interviewed people for years. The Five Regrets were: number five, I wish I had let myself be happier, number four, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, number three, I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings, number two I wish I had not worked as much as I did, and number one I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others expected of me. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay, Fast Leader legion you can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/Karenchaston. Okay, Karen, this is my last hump day hoedown question:  Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25. You can take the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you but you can’t everything back you can only choose one. What skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why? 

 

Karen Chaston:    You are the only person you are going to spend your entire life with. Put yourself first find your strength, courage and truth to make sure you live a life that is true to you.

 

Jim Rembach:     Karen it was an honor to spend time with you today can you please share it the Fast Leader Legion how they can connect with you? 

 

Karen Chaston:    They can contact me through my web sites which is, livelovebydesign.com or karenchaston.com.au and please reach out because I would really love to assist you in birthing your new live love way of life. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Karen Chaston, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!

 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show special offers and access to download and subscribe if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster. 

 

END OF AUDIO. 

 

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027: Parrish Arturi: It was a humbling experience

Parrish Arturi Show Notes

Parrish Arturi was not always calm, cool, and collected. Once while leading a project team for a new product the funding for it was removed. Parrish was very passionate about the work his team was doing and took the news of the project cut personally. Parrish lost his cool and then learned a valuable lesson. Listen to Parrish as he tell his story and what he learned on how to get over the hump.

Parrish was born in a Connecticut suburb just outside of New York. He was the fifth of six kids with names that all began with the letter “P”. His mother was a nurse and his father was a doctor and as a young child he could remember Sunday dinners and his grandparents’ house where the entire family would meet. His strong sense of family and caring for others has guided him to a successful career.

Parrish is currently the Senior Vice President for Service, Operations and Technology for Fidelity Personal Investing (PI), a unit of Fidelity Investments. In this role, Parrish and his team are focused on the strategy and development of an industry-leading service, operating in technology platform that enables Fidelity’s retail network to deliver outstanding experiences that drive business growth, customer engagement, scale and competitive differentiation.

Prior to this role, Parrish served as the SVP, Customer Experience, where he led the development and execution of Fidelity’s award-winning programs and capabilities tried customer loyalty and satisfaction in support of Fidelity’s vision of delivering the best customer experience in financial services. From 2004 2009, Paris served as SVP, Digital and Mobile channels. His responsibilities included digital strategy, experience and management of PWI’s online, mobile and social channels, including Fidelity’s primary consumer web destinations (Fidelity.com, 401k.com and NetBenefits.com) and mobile applications. Parrish was responsible for the delivery and execution against channel sales and service goals, as well as ensuring competitive leadership of Fidelity’s consumer digital offerings.

Prior to joining Fidelity in 2004, Parrish work for Wachovia. He was responsible for leading and building various areas of the e-commerce division, including online banking, brokerage and bill payment, online marketing, business development and interactive design. Previously he worked as a Managing Director at Signet bank, developing Signet’s information-based strategy, including the launch of one of the nation’s first Internet banking offerings. Parrish began his career at CUC International, where he served as a product manager in the new products division and as a marketing manager for affinity card products.

Parrish holds a Bachelor of Arts in Economics from Wake Forest University and a MBA from Wake Forest University’s Babcock Graduate School of Management. Parrish currently serves as the vice chair of the Customer Experience Professionals Association, the international nonprofit organization created to guide enhanced the growing field of customer experience management.

Parrish currently resides in Boston, MA with his wife and three kids.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen and @parturi will help you get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow Click to Tweet

“I’ve been successful because of the relationships I’ve been able to build.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“The passion inside of me may not always be visible.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“When there are good times enjoy them and relish them for what they are.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“In challenging times you’re going to find the most insights and learning about you.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“You don’t always know everything, there are other perspectives you’ll want.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“Self-reflection is a really important characteristic for us to have.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“One of the greatest thrills I get is when I see someone who had been on my team progress.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

“Treat your team how you’d want to be treated yourself.” -Parrish Arturi Click to Tweet

Hump to Get Over

Parrish Arturi was not always calm, cool, and collected. Once while leading a project team for a new product the funding for it was removed. Parrish was very passionate about the work his team was doing and took the news of the project cut personally. Parrish lost his cool and then learned a valuable lesson. Listen to Parrish as he tell his story and what he learned so you can move onward and upward faster.

Advice for others

Self-reflection is a really important characteristic for us to have in business and in our families.

Holding him back from being an even better leader

Keeping balance between being open to test new things and letting your past experiences dictate your perspectives on things.

Best Leadership Advice Received

Use the Golden Rule.  It sounds simple but it’s applicable in everything you do.

Secret to Success

Building relationships and working with people across diverse groups.

Best Resources in business or Life

Mentors and people in the community. But my most important resource is my wife.

Recommended Reading

Scaling Up Excellence: Getting to More Without Settling for Less

Contacting Parrish

Email: parrish.arturi@gmail.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/parrisharturi

Twitter: https://twitter.com/parturi

More Resources

54 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Competencies List: Emotional Intelligence has proven to be the right kind of intelligence to have if you want to move onward and upward faster. Get your free list today.

Show Transcript: 

[expand title=”Click to access edited transcript”]

027: Parrish Arturi: It was a humbling experience

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we uncover the leadership like hat that help you to experience, break out performance faster and rocket to success. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Jim Rembach:     Thanks Kimberly. Okay Fast Leader legion you get the opportunity to have redemption with me today because I have a guest today that I had the opportunity to interview previously but the audio just came out so bad that he gracefully agreed to do this interview again. So, Parrish Arturi, thank you very much. 

 

Parrish was born in the Connecticut suburb just outside of New York. One of six kids that names all began with the P. Son of a doctor and nurse, caring person—glad to have him on the show. Parrish is currently the Senior Vice President of Services, Operations and Technology for Fidelity Personal investments, which is a unit of Fidelity Investments. In this role Parrish and his team are focused on the strategy and development of an industry-leading service operating in technology platform that enables Fidelity’s retail network to deliver outstanding experiences that drive business growth, customer engagement, scale and competitive differentiation.

 

Parrish like my wife is an alumni of Wake Forest University where he received both his undergrad and his MBA and he currently serves as the Vice Chair of the Customer Experience Professionals Association which is an international nonprofit organization created to guide and enhance the growing field of customer experience management. Parrish currently resides in the Boston area with his wife and three kids and they currently just got back from a fantastic vacation in Europe. Parrish has a strong family roots in both Ireland and Italy. Parrish Arturi, are you ready to get us over the hump?

 

Parrish Arturi:     Absolutely and I’m thrilled to be with you again, Jim. 

 

Thank you very much. Now, I’ve given our listeners a little bit of information about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you better?

 

Parrish Arturi:     Sure. My current passion and really that passion has been over the last several years and my career has been around helping people inspire better features, helping people to better—in terms of their financial life and in terms of personal life as well.

 

Jim Rembach:     When you say that something that is really a passion for you, where does that really come from?

 

Parrish Arturi:     Where it come from is—all the way back prior to my upbringing which is about help to make the world a better place. I think about my parents and what their focus on caring for people, helping the people they served get to a better place with their health. And I think about how we’re doing that and how I’ve really been passionate about that when I got into financial services and then now that I became a leader it was also about helping the people that were part of my team, help them become better and leave a legacy. 

 

Jim Rembach:     Now, you’re talking about legacy and you’re talking about caring things like that, you had shared with me that oftentimes as far as a childhood memories is concern, you knew those Sunday dinners grandparents that were first-generation immigrants, what impact do you think it had on where you are today? 

 

Parrish Arturi:     I think it had a tremendous impact in terms of the time that we would spend together as a family and in terms of time that I would see my parents or my grandparents bringing people together, working hard and that’s where a lot of the value is created was in the personal interactions and our relationships. I thrive in this relationships, I like to think that one of the reasons that I was able to be successful in some part in my career because the relationships I’ve been able to build. 

 

Jim Rembach:    You are one of those folks that when I see just the way that you interact with others, the way that you carry yourself using just so collected and reserved—and when you start talking about that passion and that inspiration piece, sometimes when you look at somebody who is a reserved like you, where is the passion, where’s the drive? And so, at the Fast Leader show we focus in on quotes and things like that that kind of help us really get that drive. I mean, do you have some of that internal passion that you keep bottled up that comes from some of those quotes, can you share it?

 

Parrish Arturi:    Yeah. Absolutely. The passion inside of me may not be always visible, they’re maybe a fire burning inside, but it’s cool, calm and collected outside. And again that’s certainly not always the case but I pride myself on one to model the right behavior, the behavior that I would expect from others. And that passion comes from prior to what I observed and what I experienced in the family, may even be a birth order thing. Quite honestly, [4:45 inaudible] a fifth out of six, there’s a lot of activity going around me. And it was always a lot easier to observe and then react versus be the one out front all the time. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What are some of those quotes or passages that drives you?

 

Parrish Arturi:     Some of the quotes—there are a couple of them. One that I always think about is one from Martin Luther King that I find particularly poignant. It’s about, the content of a man’s character is not defined in times of comfort and convenience but were someone stands in times of challenge and controversy. And so for me, over the years from a business perspective as I’ve experiences those different times, everybody has ups and downs and ebbs and flows. When there are good times enjoy them and relish them for what they are and then in challenging times where you’re challenged most is probably where you’re going to find the most insights, the most learnings about you and about what you can do to take forward and how you can help others.

 

Jim Rembach:     For me, even when you talk about that quote and why it means so much to you, I think it goes back to what I had mentioned before as regards to being that reserve person but yet has that inner drive and passion. I mean, it’s really interesting to me how that quote is so congruent with the way that you behave but there are times when we do lose it, you mentioned it’s not always calm and collected. And we talk about getting over those humps on the Fast Leader show, can you remember a time where you’ve had a hump to get over where you kind of—“I had to go through that, I had to go through that learning in order to learn how to be more reserved and collected for the future.”

 

Parrish Arturi:     Sure, sure. I think it was about having self-awareness and insight. So, that’s part of the journey, part of the leadership journey overtime. There’s one particular time that I can remember, it was a hump and it was back when I leading new products and services, a digital products and services back in the late 90’s early 2000, when we’re just starting to test out capabilities with the Palm Pilot, [6:57 inaudible] remembers what this are, we had enabled banking, electronic banking on a Palm Pilot. I was very passionate about it and I knew that notion of mobility and wireless was going to be important, obviously it took several years for it to play out. But the product and the application that we had created—it was a tough time at the bank that I was working in, they wanted to reduce the funding and eliminate the product that we’re working on and I took that very personally. I also had run with the person that I was working, who I respected tremendously and she had a lot of experience and she’d always say, “You know, you don’t get it. You’re not the one making the decisions other people have a perspective on this.” And it was quite humbling for me but it also made me reflect that the way that I was reacting to it had a direct influence on the perception that other people had for me in terms of the level of maturity and how they may think about me and other roles that maybe available. 

 

That was a really important moment from me, just kind of crystallize that. You don’t always know everything. Even though when you’re younger that you –as a freshly man with MBA you might think that you know everything but you don’t, there’s a lot of other perspectives that you want to take in both next year and then around you that will help you become a better person.

 

Jim Rembach:    A couple things that stood out to me that you referred to and you talked about youth and that was many years ago, oftentimes those things do come back on us and luckily because we had that life experience oftentimes we can correct ourselves much faster than we would going to that original experience, but if you think about a piece of advice that you would give to her listeners from that story and that experience, what would it be?

 

Parrish Arturi:    The big piece for me is having self-reflection. So, whether it’s reflection in the moment or afterwards and also having—I also had the benefit of having a great leader who is willing to provide that feedback to me. And that, when you’re able to reflect, self-reflection is a really important characteristic fresh to have either as leader—as business leaders or as people with families or relationships that we want to make ourselves better or want to make the others around us better. 

Jim Rembach:    So, you had mentioned something about—since lower in the birth order and have the opportunity to observe before you stepped out, but oftentimes we don’t have that coach also that you referred to. I had this conversation with somebody a little while back saying, “ You know what, there’s just not a whole lot of that that goes on much more anymore.” And there could be a lot of reasons for that. It could be the overburden task related workplace that we live in that you can’t focus on, “I ain’t got time to focus on somebody else, I need to get this done.” 

 

So, therefore, we have to learn how to do more that self-reflection instead of relying for somebody else to point things out to us. Is there something that you do to help you be more self –reflective?

 

Parrish Arturi:    There is. Even on an annual basis for example, I was thinking about setting goals for the year both personal and professional. What we’re planning on doing for the year as a team and part of that process is reflecting back on the past year, think about moments, projects, initiatives where you can derive some insight from. So, I think that’s just kind of built in to my DNA now, I learned that as a learned trait from another leader that I work for and that’s part of how I think about doing that. And I also think about either family or teams that I work with, I think we’ve just build that into the dialogue or conversation and it started to become much more natural.

 

Jim Rembach:    That’s a very great point. First of all to have it as part of your framework and to practice it. You can’t just expect that it’s just going to happen, it’s something that you have to work at. For me too certain things that you’re talking about—the first couple of time where I’ve done it, not so good, right? But you have to be persistent, you have to keep going on.  But if you think about where you are right now and your current passions and the things that are giving you that excitement, what would it be?

 

Parrish Arturi:    What excites me most, Jim are two things: One, when we think about the customers that we serve at Fidelity and the difference that we can make in their lives with their futures, whether it’s with their children, whether it’s the retirement, help in their goals and dreams to become true, that’s really compelling and important. And I find I’m very passionate about that and the work that we do in helping our customers get to a better place, I find very inspiring. The second thing that was going to talk about would also be when I see that in teams or people that had been on my team. And one of the greatest thrills I get is when I see someone who’d been on my team advance and progress, I get a tremendous amount of fulfillment from seeing the growth of someone’s career that may had been on my teen. 

 

Jim Rembach:    And that’s other a thing that is scary for a lot of leaders. When you start thinking about having somebody who has the talents and the skills that may even surpass ours, I think for my perspective I want to be part of that development, but not everybody’s there. So, how do you feel about that? How do you get past that hump?

 

Parrish Arturi:    I think there’s a certain amount of insecurity and some might feel if they have that, I think it’s natural. But I also again, reflect on my career and there are people that helped bring me along it wasn’t always a seasoned professional that I have today, and others help bring me along so I feel that is like paying it back as well as know someone else model the right behavior that I aspire to be the same type of leader, same great leadership principles that they applied. 

 

Jim Rembach:    You had mentioned something about that planning process and that reflection process, typically folks when they do that they also have a goal setting process, what is one goal that’s important to you right now? 

 

Parrish Arturi: Our goal  for this year, the one and the next couple of years has been around transforming the service experience for our customers and our retail branch network. And so how that manifests itself are in a couple different ways, but it’s about service quality and it’s also about the experience that gets delivered inside our [14:14 inaudible] centers. And so, our goal for this year we have measures around, we instituted what we call quality review process, and so our goal is to improve our scores and the quality reprocessed by 20%, so, that’s like one very specific goal. We stop broader and then we narrow them down and time box them and think about what specific measures associated with them. 

 

Jim Rembach:    The Fast Leader legion wishes you the very best. Alright, here we go listeners, it’s time for the,   Hump Day Hoedown. Okay, Parrish, the Hump Day Hoedown is the part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So, I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Parrish Arturi, are you ready to hoedown?

 

Parrish Arturi:    Absolutely, you got it. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

 

Parrish Arturi:    Good question. For me it’s keeping balance between being open to do new things, to test new things—our environment is changing so rapidly in terms of the innovations, and balancing that with letting your past experiences dictate your perspectives on things. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

 

Parrish Arturi:    Best leadership advice that I had ever received was, use the golden rule, so, that’s treat people how you want to be treated yourself. It sounds so simplistic but it’s applicable to everything that you do. So, if you think about in terms of leadership, treat your team how you would want to be treated yourself, as you’re part of a team. Would you want to understand what’s our shared vision is? Would you want know what your goals and objects are? What you want to get feedback and coaching? Absolutely. So, if you think about things along those lines and apply the Golden rule to your professional or your personal life you’re going to end up in a great place. 

 

Jim Rembach:     What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

 

Parrish Arturi:    If I reflect over my career it’s really been building relationships. Building relationships engaging people across diverse skill sets to achieve a common goal, a common outcome and a purpose. Whether it’s in financial services or it was in marketing is to bring people together across diverse groups and building those relationships.

 

Jim Rembach:    What do you feel is one of your best resources that helps you lead in business or life?

 

Parrish Arturi:    That resources are the mentor that I have on business perspective, they’re also the people that I have in the community for example at Customers and Experience Professional Association has been tremendously helpful in terms of resources that we have. And then my pride and most important resource is my wife who provides me a ton of feedback and helps and supports in all of the work that we do. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What would be one book that you would recommend to our listeners?

 

Parrish Arturi:    One that’s on the top of my mind is, “Scaling up Excellence” I just read it, it by Huggy Rao and it’s basically how do you take concepts, and it’s particularly relevant with what we do in our customer experience. How do you take those bright spots and how do you think about scaling them across a very broad network. So, it’s particularly relevant to people that work in large organizations and how you create and sustain excellence on ongoing basis.

 

Jim Rembach:    Alright  Fast Leader listeners, you can find the link to that book and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/Parrish Arturi. Okay, Parrish this is my last Hump Day Hoedown question: Imagine you are given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25 and you have been given the opportunity to take the knowledge and skills that you have back with you but you can’t take everything you can only choose one thing, what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you? And why?

 

Parrish Arturi:    The skill and knowledge would be the ability to look at trends and to be able to engage in them faster. So, if I think about all over the years whether it’s been in financial services during the digital age it’s being able to look for trends and act on them quicker.

 

I could use that from a stock investment perspective too. [Laugh] 

 

You’re not the only one. 

 

Parrish, it was an honor to spend time with you today. Can you please share with Fast Leader listeners how they can connect with you?

They could connect with me electronically via email at parrish.arturi@gmail.com. They can connect to me on Twitter@parturi and also on LinkedIn.

 

Jim Rembach:     Parrish Arturi thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader legion  honors you and thank you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!

 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show, special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster.

 

END OF AUDIO

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