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Fred Halstead | Leadership Skills That Inspire Incredible Results

224: Fred Halstead: Be joyful about it

Fred Halstead Show Notes Page

Fred Halstead’s positivity can drive people crazy, including his wife. But as a coach Fred knows he needs to empathize with others that are not like him. They may have regrets and need to work through their challenges before they can move forward.

Fred was raised in a western suburb of Chicago, Wheaton Illinois. His parents bought a property with seven acres a good-sized house, a guest house and barn. His father, an architect, who led the oldest architectural firms in the US, decided to completely remodel the old house. So, Fred and his two brothers and parents slept in the guest house for two years while mostly the family rebuilt the house. Work ethic and accomplishment was paramount. After the reconstruction was complete, Fred and his older brother returned from a weekend visit with friends to find Dad laying out an area for a new swimming pool. Dad decided that we’d have a pool and his brother Grey and Fred would dig it by hand, put in the rebar and then contract for pouring of the floor, walls and deck.

During high school he also gained the experience of team sports by playing on the football team and running track. Wabash College, a very small liberal arts college in Indiana, fit Fred’s need for a broad education. After graduation he attended Northwestern University Graduate Business School.  When the Daft Board reclassified him and called him to military duty, he decided to volunteer for the Air Force. After OTS, he served as an officer in the Office of Special Investigations for four years, the last 18 months as commander of the office. Among several adventures in the Air Force, the best thing that happened to him was meeting and marrying Donna.

After three fairly short-term jobs in financial management, he began a career in executive search. Fred started his own firm, which later merged into an international firm. In 2003, after many years of assessing the talents of executives and culture of client’s organizations and considerable noodling about how best to use his talents, a new career in helping leaders become even more successful called. Halstead Executive Coaching was formed.

After 40 years of observing, assessing and coaching leaders, Fred wrote a book reflecting what he has learned. It is focused on skills needed to be an inspiring and highly successful leader. The inspiration and encouragement for the book, Leadership Skills That Inspire Incredible Results also resulted from the positive results of a highly interactive Program that he has presented to senior level leadership teams for the past five years.

Fred’s foundation and rudder are his faith and his two most important blessings are his faith and his family. Fred and Donna have two exceptional children who married extraordinarily well and they have three wonderful and sweet granddaughters all of whom live in the Dallas area.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen to Fred Halstead to get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow – Click to Tweet

“People can see through us very easily.” – Click to Tweet

“When we’re genuine people know it, when we’re not people know it.” – Click to Tweet

“You’ve got to figure out what is motivating you.” – Click to Tweet

“We are what we repeatedly do.” – Click to Tweet

Hump to Get Over

Fred Halstead’s positivity can drive people crazy, including his wife. But as a coach Fred knows he needs to empathize with others that are not like him. They may have regrets and need to work through their challenges before they can move forward.

Advice for others

Greatly appreciate all other people.

Holding him back from being an even better leader

Confidence

Best Leadership Advice

Understand what your strengths are and fully use them.

Secret to Success

The fact that I am a positive person and understand what my limited strengths are.

Best tools in business or life

Listening and asking powerful questions and genuinely encouraging others.

Recommended Reading

Leadership Skills that Inspire Incredible ResultsThe Fred Factor: How Passion in Your Work and Life Can Turn the Ordinary into the Extraordinary

Contacting Fred Halstead

Website: https://halsteadexecutivecoaching.com/

email: fred.halsteadec [at] yahoo.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fred-halstead-41b01814/

Resources and Show Mentions

Call Center Coach

An Even Better Place to Work

 

Show Transcript: 

Click to access edited transcript

224: Fred Halstead: Be joyful about it

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Call center coach develops and unites the next generation of call center leaders. Through our e-learning and community individuals gain knowledge and skills in the six core competencies that is the blueprint that develops high-performing call center leaders. Successful supervisors do not just happen so go to callcentercoach.com to learn more about enrollment and download your copy of the Supervisor Success Path e-book now.

 

Jim Rembach:     Okay Fast Leader legion today I’m excited because I have somebody on the show today who is going to be able to share a whole wealth of experience with us that I know is going to help us all move onward and upward faster.

 

Fred Halstead was raised in the western suburb of Chicago called Wheaton. His parents bought a property with seven acres, a good sized house, a guest house, and a barn. His father an architect, who led the oldest architectural firm in the U.S. decided to completely remodel the old house so Fred and his two brothers and parents slept in the guest house for two years while mostly the family rebuilt the house. Work ethic and accomplishment was paramount. After the reconstruction was complete, Fred and his older brother returned from a weekend visit with friends to find that dad was laying out the area for a new swimming pool and he had decided that he and his brother gray would dig it out by hand put the rebar in and then contract for pouring the floor, walls, and deck.

During high school he also gained the experience of team sports by playing on a football team and running track. Wabash College a very small liberal arts college in Indiana fit Fred’s need for a broad education. After graduation he attended Northwestern University graduate Business School. When the draft board reclassified him and called it a military duty he decided to volunteer for the Air Force.  After OTS he served as an officer in the Office of Special Investigations for four years, the last 18 months as commander of the office. Amongst several adventures in the Air Force the best thing that happened to him was meeting and marrying Donna. After three fairly short jobs in financial management he began a career in executive search. Fred started his own firm which later merged into an international firm. In 2003 after many years of assessing the talents of executives and culture of clients organizations and considerable noodling about how best to use his talents a new career in helping leaders become more successful call, Halstead Executive Coaching was formed.

After 40 years of observing, assessing and coaching leaders, Fred wrote a book reflecting what he has learned. It is focused on the skills needed to be an inspiring and highly successful leader. Leadership skills that inspire incredible results also resulted from the positive results of a highly interactive program that he has presented to senior level leadership teams for the past five years. Fred’s foundation and rudder are his faith and his two most important blessings are his faith and family. Fred and Donna have two exceptional children who married extraordinarily well and they have three wonderful and sweet granddaughters and all of them live in the Dallas, Texas area. Fred Halstead, are you ready to help us get over the hump?

Fred Halstead:     I am Jim, and thank you so much for allowing me to spend this time with you and your viewers. I’m really excited about it and I would say I know you are such a skilled interviewer and this is going to be a lot of fun. 

I appreciate that Fred. Now I’ve given—and just as so for those that aren’t aware, you may be watching the video we also have audio, so it’s audio and video podcasts so Fred’s going to be all over. And so I’ve given my legion a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we get to know you even better?

Fred Halstead:     Thanks. My passion really revolves around something simple and that is whatever I can do to help other people be successful that’s really what stirs my passions and It’s just really exciting for me otherwise I’d probably be retired by now but I just enjoy so much what I do through my coaching.

As they say, why retire when you enjoy it you do it until you can’t do it no more.

Fred Halstead:     Yeah, that’s right. When I started thinking about your history and where you are now and all of that I started thinking about what you just said and talking about the whole executive search component. You said something about your passion and things that charge you being about helping others be successful but how does that happen with a search process? You’re gathering some information and you’re going and finding somebody and you’re placing somebody but where do you actually get that fulfillment in that process?

There really it came for me from the hiring executives. It’s extremely important that one know what the company needs and what that person who’s going to be the boss needs or the chairman of the board what they need. So while you might be a parent what a CFO does and is supposed to do each company is different. And to bring out the information that you need to truly understand what that company and what that new boss truly needs in the person is helping them to be successful. And then on the candidate side make sure that they are actually a good fit for their sake as well as the company’s sake and to help them in the air view process.

Jim Rembach:      You mentioned a really important word that I hear a lot lately and that is that whole fit thing. From a culture, from a DNA talking about team effectiveness talking about all of those things for me I also start immediately going to the whole customer experience the employee experience and the customer experience. And so from an executive search process I wonder how much importance was actually placed on those key things in regards to experience, experience of employee and experience of customer, did you see things and kind of change throughout the years or was it something that really wasn’t in place or it was always in place? 

Fred Halstead:   Well the experience is key and the experience is one of the keys actually, and it’s something that’s easier to identify and measure. So you usually start with that. You’d start with what has the person done? What have they accomplished? And then the even more important piece is what drives and motivates that person what is their character? I have seen very few people not be successful because of a lack of intelligence or knowledge. It happens. But much more often it happens because of a lack of character a lack of drive and skills that are somewhat innate and difficult to measure.

Jim Rembach:     Okay so that leads me into the work that you’re doing now because if I’m talking about  leadership skills that inspire incredible results, are we are we really dealing with essentially a very limited pool or source of people that could actually reach these heights? 

Fred Halstead:   Well the book is aimed at the same people that I typically coach, which is senior level executives, and yet when I give the program that’s based on the book, The skills that inspire incredible results, it just turns out it’s very interesting Jim I’ll ask, what skills have been most useful? What have you found is most practical? And part of that comes out in listening and asking questions particularly. It’s been very useful at home I notice a big difference in my kids. When I start asking them questions that begin with what, it brings them out just like it does with my subordinates and my peers and my boss so it turns out it has a very broad application for almost anyone.

Jim Rembach:      What you were just saying also makes me think about something that I often talk about is that it’s a trickle-down effect of leadership. All of this money if not billions of dollars throughout the globe is spent on developing the very top level of organizations with the thought that all of that skill, ability, framework, processes, all that stuff will trickle down to the front line but that’s not what happens. So for me I like on the fast leader show is to bring it down to practicality purposes the people who are on the front line through the Call Center Coach Leadership Academy as well as  that mid-level leader who could really benefit from a lot of things that those senior level people are getting but just don’t. When we start talking about the these leadership skills that inspire incredible results and you just talked about even in impacting the family at home, what does it mean for people from a overall organizational perspective to build skills in these core areas? 

Fred Halstead:   Well the implications are extremely broad. If you were to become a better listener and you are a leader in a company it is amazing what happens because the people around you are going to feel more respected you’re going to learn more. And that’s going to translate into you being a much better and more successful boss and a higher level performing person. The same holds true of asking powerful questions. And this is one of the most difficult things Jim and that is for highly successful leaders to step back and say I’m going to ask some questions here of you to bring out your best thinking rather than me tell you but I’m pretty darn sure I know is fact and when I’m pretty darn sure I know is what should be done. It’s really hard for people to feel like, okay I’m just going to spend a little bit more time here asking questions and listening and getting your best thinking. So then you end up owning what it is that you’re responsible for doing.

Jim Rembach:      So obviously approach is extremely important and how you do that. Even in the book you talk about,  in one particular section you say, people are smart but if your intention is to guide a person to your way of thinking or the solution that you know to be best, others will realize that fact and so that’s what you are talking about. But what else makes that a particular problem? 

Fred Halstead:   People can see through us very easily. When we’re genuine people know it. When we’re not people know it. How many times have you witnessed or heard someone else say, yeah the boss will ask me questions but I know darn well he knows what he wants me to do and I wish he’d just say it. Well that boss is a genuine. That boss isn’t really interested in learning what you think. That boss is interested in telling you what he or she thinks and it’s not even much of a foggy glass there that people can see right through.

Jim Rembach:      On the other side of that coin because I’ve run into this problem to where I’ve tried to get people to share with me what they think and sometimes they’re just sit there saying, just tell me what to do.

Fred Halstead:   Oh yes, absolutely. I run into that in my coaching. I’ll start asking questions they’re coming to me lying answers and I’m reflecting back to them. Okay here’s one question, Jim, this is a tough problem so I’m acknowledging that it’s a challenging issue. If you could think of just one thing that you might do first what would that be? Well, have freed you to stop looking at all the complexity of it and all that sort of stuff and just focus on okay, let me think if it’s just one thing I can talk about that and that gets the conversation going. And so the person goes from, I don’t know how many times this has happened in my coaching and it can happen in other people’s leadership is the person—no, I just want you to tell me, I don’t know I wouldn’t have asked if I knew to—ah –in not a very long period of time that all thinking, man, I figured this out I’m smarter than I thought I was and by the way my boss is pretty smart too because he helped me figure it out or she helped me figure it out.

Jim Rembach:      Yeah. I think the important trap there as you were talking I started thinking about my potential impatience with that meaning that you asked and they come back and say just tell me what to do and my response has to be an additional question to what it should be.

Fred Halstead:   Yes.

Jim Rembach:      Get them to actually bring that out. And if they still are persistent and still, well I don’t know, I still need to ask another question. And then for me I just need to let it go if they can’t respond so maybe through time they start realizing that they’re going to have to think.

Fred Halstead:   Well, I was to say you create a habit. So the expectations have changed and one motivation you mentioned it’s really tough to just sort of sit back and ask the questions when you think—I know what to do I’m just going to tell them. Well is that really in their best interest? One of the themes of the book is when you want everyone around you to be highly successful you’re going to be more successful. And one of the ways to have people around you highly successful is to bring out the very best in them rather than show the person. 

Jim Rembach:      I think you bring up a really good point and an important distinction that I often have to talk about and I think this is a great place. We, unfortunately, call coaching something that it really isn’t. So, coaching is when we actually help to bring out what’s already in the person. And if we’re going to be stopping and giving the answers we are no longer coaching we’ve just changed the dynamic we’ve just changed what that activity is it’s now we’re training or we’re mentoring  no longer coaching.

Fred Halstead:   Yes, that’s right. And that was really drilled into all of the students that the coaching program I went through and I’m sure it is in every coaching program but the one at University of Texas at Dallas was one of the first at the Masters level really would drill that into us. And it turns out that there is, and I think this is very true because I’m witness and leadership as well, there’s a real balance between what you said. Because we all have some wisdom and we’re going to cheat that person if we don’t bring out some of that wisdom mostly through the questions we ask but occasionally through a little bit more direction. So it’s not a total either/or but the more you balance it based on bringing out the best in them the better they’re going to be and the more successful you’re going to  be.

Jim Rembach:      Okay, so for me this kind of all brings it full circle Fred so I can see now based on what you described in regards to your executive search work and your coaching work how all this fits. Because there was a lot of inquiry there’s a lot of discovery there was a lot of this that went back so I can see how the transition became quite easy and where the parlays and also probably why your executive search organization was acquired and brought into a larger organizations because of that type of work.

Fred Halstead:   Yes and this is sort of interesting that others can use as well. When I was in the search business of course I really started to ask a lot of questions and it was really important to me to understand what the needs were and understand what that potential candidate is in terms of who they are as a person as well as a leader. So there were several instances when I was interviewing the hiring executive and he’d say, Fred, you know a lot about this. I’m thinking to myself I don’t know much at all about it but I wasn’t fully honest I just kept my mouth shut and put it was all through the questions. I was listening and I was asking questions based on that so people think you’re smarter than you really are when you do that and in my case that was real important.

Jim Rembach:      In the book you also talk about something I think we often fail to do, I think we’re all guilty of it I don’t think anybody’s immune from this particular issue. You talk about two things that are most important for us in regards to our development. You talk about having an accountability partner and then also having intentional peer practice. So why are those two things important? 

Fred Halstead:   A couple of reasons. One is the accountability partner—it makes us help to be more accountable because we’ve got someone who is assessing what we’re doing and saying and in a way is helping us.  It bonds us to that person it creates a vulnerability which is very healthy in terms of saying, Jim, I really need to work on this. And you’re thinking, yeah Fred you do. And I’d like you to help me so I’d like you to just notice when I’m doing this or when I’m not doing this or how I am doing this and just let me know I would really appreciate that. It makes that connection it helps you and it helps them.

Jim Rembach:    I would also think that it also takes away a lot of the fear in the whole thing it takes away a lot of vulnerability or add some vulnerability to it. We have to be able to get that type of feedback in a in a way by which we don’t feel intimidated by it so I can I think being more intentional is really important. What about the peer practice?

Fred Halstead:   The peer practice came about as a result of the program I give I call stir and that is—let’s say there’s a group of 20 leaders of a company or a segment of a company and they’re all going through the program. These skills while on the surface are so just sort of easy to understand they’re all important, boy, when you start to try and do them it’s really tough. We practice we have people pair up and then they spend just 15 minutes each talking about a real business issue that they have and oftentimes we pair them with someone with whom they normally wouldn’t discuss that issue. So let’s say, it’s a marketing vice president and we’ll pair that person with the CFO well those discussions normally aren’t anymore than you got to watch your budget or whatever. But when you start asking, in this case the CFO, about a marketing issue you have that gives you the opportunity to have somebody think totally out of their real it lets them have that opportunity. It brings the two of you a lot closer together and become more appreciative of each other and you practice using those two skills in the book. It’s a tremendous way to build trust, camaraderie, and to build your confidence in the skills. I urge that people do that and I’d urge your listeners and watchers to intentionally go to appear with an issue outside the realm of your responsibility and say, Jim, I’ve got this challenge could you talk to me about it and help me think through it? Very powerful.

Jim Rembach:    It is and I would dare to say that that person doesn’t even have to be in your organization because some organizations don’t go to people you still have to be able to seek out that type of person. We learn more in a community than we do in a class and we just have to be more intentional make sure that we incorporate that into our job.

Fred Halstead:   The advantage of doing it in your organization is in its you’re building that relationship with a person within your organization which can help them and can help you in doing your work and getting promoted in all kinds of things.

Jim Rembach:    And I think the important note here is that you have no excuse, you need to do it. 

Fred Halstead:   Well there are a lot of excuses, but yeah, it’s a good idea to do. Like all things you’ve got to figure out what is motivating you. I’ve really stressed that to him because these skills again are so difficult if you don’t figure out why is it then I’m going to really try and listen with more intensity because that’s hard. If I don’t know why I’m going to do that then it’s so tough to actually do it to understand yourself understand what motivates and drives you.

Jim Rembach:    I think the same applies when we start even talking about the customer and the customer experience. We put ourselves into this type of learning and we start projecting that on to our customer it’s going to have a significant effect on our overall business because the customer experience didn’t they’re going to get affected.

Fred Halstead:   Yes. I had an interesting example of that it was kind of outside coaching, a friend of mine who I’ve kept up with from my recruiting days, he’s never been in the same firm in fact we competed against each other and now we’re neighbors at a lake that we have a home, and he said, friend it was really interesting I had this big search it’s competing with other much larger search firms with the board of directors and we were selected. They told us the reason we were selected is because we the only firm that really got into and asked them about what it is they think they need the rest just told them what they offer they didn’t ask what that client needs but just what I can give you. 

Jim Rembach:    When I start thinking about the experiences that you’ve had and the journeys and the interactions and the people you’ve met I know it’s your finding and being able to leverage a whole lot of inspirational things and we do that on the show by quotes. So is there a quote or two that you can share that you like?

Fred Halstead:   Yes.  One of them is: We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act it’s a habit.

Jim Rembach:    Very practical but yet true. 

Fred Halstead:   Aristotle. Yes, very practical in my book, absolutely.

Jim Rembach:    In addition to that and other things that we actually get a whole lot of value from and benefit is when our guests actually share times when they’ve had to get over the hump because there we find so much wisdom it goes back into that whole community of practice and sharing things and that’s one reason why I love to do it on the show. Is there a time where you’ve gotten over the hump that you can share?

Fred Halstead:     Yes. I’m almost embarrassed to say it but I am a very positive person. When it comes to humps as I look back I almost don’t see any humps. As I reflect on that I have to be really careful my positivity can drive my wife crazy and I’m sure other people. And I have to be very mindful that other people aren’t like I am that most other people will have regrets they will get stuck and it’s harder for them to move forward. And in some ways the more I understand that and the more I can empathize with them the more I can help them to move forward beyond those humps. One of my humps I guess was the when I had open-heart surgery 11 years ago. The surgery wasn’t too bad I thought it was just fine, of course I was asleep. The recovery really stunk. That was a hump but gosh, it turned out great. The lesson there is to be mindful of everybody’s not like me and I’m not like everybody and to accept that work with it and really be joyful about it. 

Jim Rembach:    And the Fast Leader legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor.

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Alright, here we go Fast Leader legion it’s time to do the Hump day Hoedown. Okay, Fred, the Hump day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Fred Halstead, are you ready to hoedown? 

Fred Halstead:   I am.

Jim Rembach:    Alright.  What is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

Fred Halstead:   I would say that it’s confidence. I have a lot of confidence and yet it could be easily argued that I should have more.

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received? Understand what your strengths are and fully use them.

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

Fred Halstead:   The fact that I am a positive person then I’ve come to understand what my limited strengths are and I take tremendous pleasure in using them every day.

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your best tools that help you lead in business or life?

Fred Halstead:   Listening, asking powerful questions and genuinely encouraging others.

Jim Rembach:    What is one book that you’d recommend to our legion, it could be from any genre, and of course we’re going to put a link to Leadership Skills that Inspire Incredible Results on your show notes page as well.

Fred Halstead:   Thanks. I think it’s the Fred Factor, it’s a very simple book and it’s short, and I love short books, it’s all about a postman who exhibits incredible talents in terms of customer service and love for other people.

Jim Rembach:    Okay, Fast Leader legion, you can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/FredHalstead. Okay, Fred, this is my last hump day hoedown question: Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25. You can take the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you but you can’t take it all you can only choose one. So what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why? 

Fred Halstead:    A great appreciation of all other people the why is because when you don’t have that when you don’t truly try and love other people you have to like them but you’re going to miss out on a lot because you’re going to spend time worried about what people aren’t rather than what they are and what they can offer. 

Jim Rembach:    Fred, it was an honor to spend time with you today. Can you please share with the Fast Leader legion how they can connect with you? 

Fred Halstead:   Yes, through halsteadexecutivecoaching.com and fred.halsteadec@yahoo.com 

Jim Rembach:    Fred Halstead, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot! 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links, from every show special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster. 

END OF AUDIO

 

120: Christine Porath: That really cost me in terms of happiness and stability

Christine Porath Show Notes

Christine Porath decided to take the non-traditional path. She wanted to make a difference and it wasn’t what they were looking for. As a result, she had to make a move and it set her back. And she would do it all over again. Listen as Christine shares why she made her choice.

Christine was born in Cleveland, Ohio. She’s the oldest of 4 (she has 2 brothers and 1 sister). Growing up, her passion was sports. She played basketball and soccer at College of the Holy Cross. She majored in Economics.

After graduating from college, she thought she landed her dream job: helping launch a sports academy. However, she quickly learned that this workplace was rife with rudeness.

The actions of a narcissistic, dictatorial boss trickled down through the ranks. He belittled employees, demeaned managers in front of others, and barked orders at employees. Employees felt disconnected and disengaged.

Some intentionally sabotaged the organization; many took out their frustrations on others, disparaging colleagues, making snide remarks to customers, and failing to pitch in like good teammates do.

This experience led her to study the costs of incivility—defined as any rude, disrespectful or insensitive behavior. Christine’s goal was to help organizations build more positive cultures.

She pursued her Ph.D. (in Management) at Kenan-Flagler Business School at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  Her first academic job was at Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California.

While she remains affiliated with programs there, she is now a professor in the management department at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business.

She splits her time between Los Angeles, California and Washington, D.C

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen to @PorathC to get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow Click to Tweet

“When there is incivility, people just shut down.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Leaders showing that they care can start with some really basic things.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“It doesn’t mean that you get soft on results.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Civility is a pathway to showing people they’re valued.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Just commit to doing the little things that make people feel connected.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“You reduce turnover significantly by making people feel they matter.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“We can make subtle adjustments that really matter to those around us.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“It’s difficult to multitask and be attentive and effective with people.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“At the core, civility is really about connecting with people.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“The number one thing that people want from leaders is respect.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“We miss how important it is for people to feel respected and valued.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“The higher you go in an organization the less negative feedback you get.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Choose something that’s consistent with your values and know that there’s sacrifices to be made.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Hard work pays off.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“When you face setbacks, it’s the ability to bounce back quickly that’s going to make all the difference.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“The quicker I can focus on my future, the better off I’ve been.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Too many with incivility get stuck and ruminate for years.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

“Bet on your future, don’t let your past sink you.” -Christine Porath Click to Tweet 

Hump to Get Over

Christine Porath decided to take the non-traditional path. She wanted to make a difference and it wasn’t what they were looking for. As a result, she had to make a move and it set her back. And she would do it all over again. Listen as Christine shares why she made her choice.

Advice for others

Become more self-aware and pick one or two things to work on that will bring you closer to people.

Holding her back from being an even better leader

Interrupting people.

Best Leadership Advice Received

Don’t worry about who gets the credit.

Secret to Success

Hard work.

Best tools that helps in Business or Life

Resiliency

Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace

The Rhythm of Life

Contacting Christine

Website: http://www.christineporath.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christine-porath-4b660a11/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PorathC

Resources and Show Mentions

Civility at Work Self-Assessment – Take this quick assessment of your behavior.

Feedback Worksheet – Use this tool to tool to improve your feedback skills and performance.

54 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Competencies List: Emotional Intelligence has proven to be the right kind of intelligence to have if you want to move onward and upward faster. Get your free list today.

Show Transcript: 

Click to access edited transcript

120: Christine Porath – That really cost me in terms of happiness and stability

Intro Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

Need a powerful and entertaining way to ignite your next conference, retreat or team-building session? My keynote don’t include magic but they do have the power to help your attendees take a leap forward by putting emotional intelligence into their employee engagement, customer engagement and customer centric leadership practices. So bring the infotainment creativity the Fast Leader show to your next event and I’ll help your attendees get over the hump now. Go to beyondmorale.com/speaking to learn more.

Jim Rembach:    Okay, Fast Leader Legion today I’m excited because the guests that I have on the show today is actually going to help us gain some critical new perspectives on an old yet growing problem. Christine Porath was born in Cleveland, Ohio. She’s the oldest of four. She has two younger brothers and a younger sister. Growing up her passion was sports. She played basketball and soccer at the College of the Holy Cross where she majored in economics. After graduating from college she thought she had landed her dream job helping launch a Sports Academy where she quickly learned that this workplace was rife with rudeness—the actions of a narcissistic, dictatorial boss trickled down through the ranks. He belittled employees, demeaned managers in front of others and barked orders at employees. Employees felt disconnected and disengaged some intentionally sabotage the organization many took out their frustrations on others disparaging colleagues, making snide remarks of customers, and failing to pitch in like good teammates do. 

This experience led her to study the costs of incivility—defined as any rude, disrespectful or insensitive behavior. Christine’s goal was to help organizations build more positive cultures. She pursued her PhD in management at Kenan-Flagler Business School at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill. Her first academic job was at Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California. She remains affiliated with programs there but now she’s a professor in the management department at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business. She splits her time between Los Angeles California and Washington DC. Christine Porath are you ready to help us get over the hump?

Christine Porath:    Yes. 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. I’ve given our listeners a little bit about you but can you tell us your current passion is so that we get to know you even better? 

Christine Porath:    Sure. I really love getting out there and talking to leaders about what’s working as far as building positive cultures and what they’re learning to really reduce rudeness in the workplace. So it’s a lot of fun to learn from others and then be able to take those ideas back into the classroom and teach our MBAs and executives about what works and what doesn’t. 

Jim Rembach:    I’ve been studying this whole employee engagement and human behavior and human connection for—gosh, I’ve been in it for a long time but studying it for you know over a decade and I became certified in a couple programs and certified in emotional intelligence and people are familiar with employee engagement but then when you throw in civility for me it’s like in order for you to get to engagement you have to go through the door of civility. 

Christine Porath:    Yes, absolutely. It helps people to be engaged. When there’s incivility, even if you’re just working around it a team a department organization, what I found is people just shut down. They don’t even mean to necessarily so in experiments what I find is people have a really tough time concentrating, they lose focus, they don’t remember as well, they aren’t attentive to information and so you lose the production of those just working in that kind of environment. 

Jim Rembach:    So, when you start thinking about the differentiation between engagement and civility and you think about that as being applied within an organization, I’m thinking about a culture, how can an organization really transform from disengaged to engaged when they have to go through that civility door, what are you looking at from a progress perspective?

Christine Porath:    I think it’s leader showing that they care. And this can start with some really basic things like acknowledging them, whether that’s in the hall or going out and seeing folks in person I think a lot of it has to do with making them feel valued in different ways. So, Doug Conant, for example, I was speaking with him this week and he turned Campbell’s culture around a CEO in part by writing thank-you notes. His perspective was about touch points but in every interaction he sought to make the most of it and people really felt that. It doesn’t mean that you get soft on results like his whole idea was tender-hearted with people, tough-minded with results. I don’t think that they’re exclusive of each other I think they can work together but I think that at least big surveys show that the number one reason why people are engaged is they feel like their leader is genuinely interested in their well-being and I think civility is a pathway to showing that in very small ways that do not take a lot of time on leaders part but make a big difference to people feeling a part of the company and feeling valued. 

Jim Rembach:    To me it definitely seems like that’s the starting point. You’re step which can be huge, is really this one if you want to get to engagement. 

Christine Porath:    Yes, absolutely. Again I think it starts with baby steps you know just committing to doing the little things and doesn’t necessarily involve huge financial costs by any means but I think the whole idea is people want to feel connected. And so if you’re able to find ways to do that you stand to gain a lot across things like performance, engagement, even creativity people are much more likely to be helpful and of course they’re much more likely to want to stay with that organization so turnover costs are huge reduce cost significantly by making people feel like they matter. 

Jim Rembach:    Definitely. Right now we’re talking about some of the information and the insights that are reflected in “The Mastering Civility—A Manifesto For the Workplace which is your recent book and in here there’s some statistics to me that if you’re thinking about the impact and what we’re really talking about here is it talked about 48 % of people intentionally decrease their work effort, 47% intentionally decreased the time spent at work, 38% intentionally decreased the quality of their work and it goes on and on and on and 78% said that their commitment to the organization declined because of this incivility issue. But we have so many social cues that are telling us that we’re supposed to be behaving this way, how do counteract that? 

Christine Porath:    You mean because people are rude these days and there’s a prevalence of it?

Jim Rembach:    Yes.

Christine Porath:    It’s sad. I just want to clarify because it is a sad state. Well, my first step was just to show how it matters so I felt like it was really important to show as objectively as possible what the costs of this are in order to gain leaders and organizations attention. I think, I was an economics major as you mentioned, and so for me it was very much like show them the money, you know from Jerry Maguire like show them how it’s hitting the bottom line and then hope to then move the needle such that—I’ve been trying to show most recently what are the benefits of civility? Like for leaders it pays. They’re twice as likely to see you as a leader it shows up and in their performance ratings. 

So, trying to make the case to shift from the rudeness that you mentioned and not even get to just neutral but to push beyond that to create the engagement that you mentioned. And I think that that’s where I’m at now and fortunately organizations have seemed to respond well to this message. When I started this research about twenty years ago no one was talking about this. It was very hard to convey the importance given that all leaders have to deal with and so I think it’s been helpful to try to document in small ways over the years like what are the outcomes that matter? And how civility really does pay? And I think it’s evident also by the fact that the best places to work they have great return on investment things like that. I think that there are also some stats from organizational culture telling us that it does show up in the bottom line. 

Jim Rembach:    Well it does. But I will have to say though that I’m guilty—guilty as charged. Because when I also look in your book you have a really cool checklist and on your show notes page on the fast leader show we’re actually going to make a link to people being able to take this test on their own. It’s really important because for me it’s like there was some aha’s, right? 

Christine Porath:    Yes. 

Jim Rembach:    And so, one of the things of course it says you have to neglect to say please and thank you, well that’s kind of like we should be doing that and it should be a standard practice. But the next one I’m like, yep like when we use email when face-to-face communication is really needed—yet guilty I should be doing more of that. Another one is emailing or texting during a meeting. This are all things that we don’t realize that we’re doing that creates incivility.

Christine Porath:    Yes, it’s funny you mentioned the latter two because the number one thing on the list most recently was people admitting to using email when face-to-face communication is needed you. I think most of us has fallen into that. And what’s interesting to me that when I go out and speak with employees and organizations the number one complaints I hear about is leaders not being attentive to them not listening because they are on their devices. When you’re meeting with them or in a larger group meeting and leaders of course don’t realize that this might rub people the wrong way their answer is, “Hey, I’m just doing my job fighting fires I’ve never thought about that.” 

And so I think it’s one of these things the test is really meant to bring more self-awareness to what are you doing that might be perceived as uncivil or might be losing your employees respect or engagement or what have you. But I think the whole idea behind the test is that we can make subtle adjustments that really matter a lot to those working around us. And so it’s just meant to bring about that attentiveness or mindfulness to some of the things that we fall into and we’re all guilty of many of these things, so it’s pick one or two and work on it kind of thing.

Jim Rembach:    Yeah, I think that’s a good point. I think when you start thinking about social cues and habits especially the younger generation—I actually was having a conversation with some parents of a fellow teammate of my daughter’s in her basketball team and they were talking about how it’s gotten to the point to where when they tell their kids to put their devices away they don’t know what to do they don’t know how to interact and it’s just ridiculous. And I think we’re going to have to be more intentional and do like you hear some businesses saying we’re leave your cellphone in the basket at the door before you go into this meeting. 

Christine Porath:    Yeah. I mentioned this in the book a story about a high-level leader that with his top executive team he actually put the cardboard box, he mentioned, right outside the room and they were required to drop that in there was no laptops during the meeting and what he found even though he said they were like, as the box vibrated it was like crack addicts in the room he said it was so hard for everyone, but he said, over time what happened was they cut down their meetings they were half as short it also became much more productive in the sense that it was a richer connection during the meaning, it was a lot more fun, they had people speaking up that never had a voice in meetings, and he said what was really neat about it was people took those routines and started practicing them in relationships with others. So, they ended up liking that approach but it wasn’t easy. I was just on a panel this week out in Silicon Valley at a women’s conference and on the panel there was someone from Cisco, there was the former chairwoman of CBS entertainment, and they spoke about these challenges and how they are doing things differently even with high-tech companies like Cisco because what they’re finding is it’s just so difficult to be managing the multitasking and finding a way to be both attentive and effective with people. 

Jim Rembach:    Yeah, I think the bottom line here to all this is that if you don’t have the human connection you’re not going to have business.

Christine Porath:    Right, absolutely. And I think that’s really where you win the hearts and minds of your people. And so, trying to make that a priority even though we’re so tempted, and unfortunately as you said now it starts even younger, my niece and nephews are much more challenged by this than even I am so, you start to see how it becomes the new normal.

Jim Rembach:    Yeah, and I think the new norm in a lot of ways when it comes to civility and engagement is something that we do have to really actually make those box at the door, do those types of actions, activities, and practices to really stem the tide because the tides are not going in the right direction. And a lot of this is really—there’s a whole lot of emotion and excitement that’s in all of this. You talked about the discomfort of those executives but then they finally warmed up and things got more productive. We look to quotes on the show to really help us find that true north get that inspiration that direction, is there a quote or two that you can share with us?

Christine Porath:    I think the core civility is really about connecting with people and so finding ways to connect. I think another big theme that I try to impress on people civility pays. Unfortunately, I have some research to back that up now in terms of numbers and just the various outcomes in which it pays so I think that those are two messages that I really try to impress on people. Related to that there was a huge study where I found the number one thing that people want from leaders is respect. And that actually even surprised me because it was more important to people in terms of having better focus, engagement, health and well-being, retention, it was more important than appreciation and consideration than feedback that was useful, than having an inspiring vision, and even opportunities for learning and growth. So, I think that we kind of miss how important it is to people that they do feel respected and valued and finding little ways to do that really makes a difference.

Jim Rembach:    And you bring up a really interesting point because for somebody to feel respected that is not simple. A lot of times they can’t explain how they need to treated in order to feel respected and you have to improve your skills at being able to interpret that.

Christine Porath:    Yeah, absolutely. One thing I encourage is for leaders and employees to talk to their subordinates or their peers about what could they be doing? What could they change to be more effective or influential? It can be as simple as name a couple things that I’m doing that help you? Name a couple things that I could do to change that would be more helpful and so, really focusing on that. When I’m teaching executives the higher you go in an organization the less feedback you’re getting, negative feedback in particular people are afraid to speak up. I think it’s really valuable but I encourage leaders to be the ones that seek this out and really anyone. And this can be done not only with your employees and in your work world but also in your personal life as well. We can make subtle adjustments that really matter to those around us. And often times we enjoy making these changes we need the feedback to become more self-aware to know where to invest.

Jim Rembach:    That’s really true. There’s actually a feedback worksheet that we created that we’ll also put on your show notes page because I think it’s a very apropos to helping people develop those skills because it’s not easy. When we start talking about your experience through work as well as being a college athlete and getting your degree and growing up in that family is that we have humps that we have to get over and they teach us a lot, is there a story that you can share with us when you had to get over the hump? 

Christine Porath:    Yes. I was at the time at University of Southern California, a place where I love, I love my work life and my personal life there. And I made a choice to actually do an initial book which was not what they were looking for pre-tenure, I’m supposed to do those things. I was also publishing a lot and applied outlets like Harvard Business Review and others and  I made those choices because I felt like I could make a difference in those ways more than doing just the traditional academic work. It was really difficult to do both at the level that I needed to get tenure but I felt like at the heart of it I made the right choices. 

For me, in terms of trying to get the message out there into hands where people could use it to make workplaces better. As a result though I wasn’t in a position where I could really realistically go up for tenure and get it there so I had to make a move and that really cost me in terms of many ways, stability, my happiness, and so forth, and yet I felt like in my heart I would do it all over again because writing books for me and writing for these applied outlets are the ways that I believe I can make a difference and it comes with some personal cost some professional costs along the way. I feel like I’m in a better place now because of it just took me longer to get there and I’m still not exactly where I want to be but I’m I feel like for me the path that was less taken was the one that I needed to take given what I was seeking to do but it was not without substantial consequences for myself.

Jim Rembach:    I appreciate you sharing that. I think that risk and that setback is something that’s not an easy decision to make. And oftentimes when you’re in it you don’t see it and so the question for me is, knowing what you know now would you have still taken the same path?

Christine Porath:    I would. Because I believe it was the right thing to do and it’s provided really rich experiences. Probably this last book was that my best professional experience I’ve ever had and part of it as you mentioned is revealing stories that are personal and getting at the root of some of this. So, for me, it has been a far richer path. But I feel like I’ve taken the long winding road and I’m not where I hope to be yet but it feels good to choose something that’s consistent with your values and just know that there are some sacrifices to be made. And for me it has resulted in a more winding career path but something that I believe I did the right thing and I would do all over again. 

Jim Rembach:    You talked about a lot of transitions and pivots and a lot of the things that you’ve had to do and you have a lot of things going in promoting this new book and all of that.  When you start thinking about all of those things, what are some your goals? 

Christine Porath:    Well, I really would like to become more of a thought leader as far as getting messages that would help workplaces, building more positive cultures for example out there. And I’ve written a couple articles for the New York Times and the Sunday Review, I think that’s a great outlet, I think Harvard Business Review, books, but I really would like to speak more and with leaders and engage in that conversation and help move organizations along the path to building better workplaces where both employees and organizations win. Because again, I think there’s a potential win-win that some organizations have benefited from but others aren’t yet there and I would really like to make a difference in that way. And I think more speaking engagements, more writing out in mainstream, to get it out in mainstream hands is where I can make the biggest difference and hope to spend more time doing so.

Jim Rembach:    And the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor:

An even better place to work is an easiest solution that gives you a continuous diagnostic on employee engagement along with integrated activities that will improve employee engagement and leadership skills in everyone. Using this award winning solutions guaranteed to create motivated, productive and loyal employees who have great work relationships with their colleagues and your customers. To learn more about an even better place to work visit beyondmorale.com/better.

Jim Rembach:    Alright here we go Fast Leader Legion, it’s time for the Hump Day Hoedown, Okay, Christine, the Hump day Hoedown is the part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So, I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us a robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us onward and upward faster. Christine Porath, are you ready to hoedown? 

Christine Porath:    Yes. 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today? 

Christine Porath:    Interrupting people. 

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received? 

Christine Porath:    Don’t worry about who gets the credit. 

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

Christine Porath:    Hard work. 

Jim Rembach:    What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life?

Christine Porath:    Resiliency. 

Jim Rembach:    What would be one book, and it could be from any genre, that you recommend to our listeners? Of course we’re going to put a link to Mastering Civility—A Manifesto for Workplace—on the show notes page as well. 

Christine Porath:    Thank you. Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly. 

Jim Rembach:    Okay Fast Leader listeners, you can find links to that and other bonus information including too the checklist on civility on the show notes page that you’ll find at fastleader.net/christineporah. Okay, Christine this is my last Hump Day question: Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25. And you’ve been given the opportunity to take the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you. But you can’t take everything back you can only choose one. So, what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why? 

Christine Porath:    Probably just hard work pays off. I think keeping at it has made a big difference because even when you face setbacks I think it’s the ability to bounce back quickly that’s going to make all the difference. And I think that it feels good to have that mentality. I think that I liked that fighter mentality so that you don’t let anything really sink you. A leader once told me that what are you going to make this mean? For me that’s been really helpful because the quicker that I can focus on my future the better off I’d been. And I see far too many people with incivility gets stuck they just ruminate for years in some cases. And I think part of the key to overcoming some setbacks in my life have spent—you need to put it in the back on the bag burner and focus on your future. So, bet on your future don’t let your past sink you. 

Jim Rembach:    Christine it was an honor to spend time with you today, can you please share with the Fast Leader Legion how they can connect with you? 

Christine Porath:    Yes. On my website christineporath.com and then my email address and everything is on there cp3@Georgetown.edu.

Jim Rembach:     Christine Porath, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump.

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show, special offers, and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster.

END OF AUDIO

033: Kate Nasser: After being hit by a meatball

Kate Nasser Show Notes

Kate Nasser graduated from college with the goal of being a high school math teacher. After three months of teaching she was hit with a meatball and realized this was not what she wanted to do with her life. Needing to support herself she found a few jobs in computers and was miserable. A friend suggested that she see a career counselor. Listen to Kate tell her story of how she got over her career hump and what that counselor told her that changed her life.

Kate Nasser felt leadership within her as early as kindergarten.  She befriended a heavy set little girl in her class that others were bullying. They stopped making fun of the little girl and started to include her and play with her.  Kate at age 5 didn’t know that what she did was leadership yet this desire to help others with her strength was always there.  She was the youngest of four daughters and had to hold her own. The inner strength kept pulsing and was turning her into what she is today. The challenge was getting comfortable with her strength and living it without overwhelming others.

The journey wasn’t smooth. There were people in college and early job days who shunned her. It was lesson after lesson in becoming comfortable with herself even when it meant being alone.  It taught her many different avenues for solving problems, overcoming challenges, and building connections. Graduate school for Masters in Organizational Psychology was another set of lessons learned from the interactions in the classroom.

Ultimately all these lessons and Kate’s strength spelled her destiny of self-employment as The People Skills Coach™ for leadership, teamwork, customer service, and employee engagement.  The underlying message of all her work is: Interact and lead with courage AND balance.  Achievement is not the big challenge. Balance is!  Her blog posts often take on the challenge of balance in leadership as do her workshops. She is working on her first book about quickly spotting and adapting to personality types without losing your sense of self.  Very powerful tool for success and happiness.

Kate has also created a forum for others to discuss, share, and learn about strength, balance, and interactions. It is the #Peopleskills global Twitter chat Sundays 10amET and associated 24×7 online community.  She also wanted to readdress the issue of bullying and the chat features an online #Stopbullying rally once a quarter.

Tweetable Quotes and Mentions

Listen and @katenasser will help you get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow Click to Tweet

“I have grown in my business insight when I am learning to samba.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet

“You can be honest without being blunt.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“You can succeed without insulting people.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Be open-minded, not indecisive.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Somebody has a different view, okay, you don’t have to fight them on it.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“You can’t be passive in your life.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“I hate the word follower; everyone is a collaborator.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“When it comes to fast leader, the key word is sooner.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Learn as much as you can, everywhere you can, regardless of whether you think you will use it.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Dancing is my sanity get away.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“When you love what you do you don’t need to retire.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Start sooner and speak up sooner.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

“Success does not come from waiting; start sooner.“ -Kate Nasser Click to Tweet 

Hump to Get Over

Kate Nasser graduated from college with the goal of being a high school math teacher. After three months of teaching she was hit with a meatball and realized this was not what she wanted to do with her life. Needing to support herself Kate found a few jobs in computers and finally was hired by a large pharmaceutical company and was totally miserable. A friend suggested that she see a career counselor. What the counselor told Kate was a total shock. Listen to Kate tell her story of how she got over her career hump and what that counselor told her that changed her life.

Advice for others

Be open-minded, not indecisive.

Holding her back from being an even better leader

Know how

Best Leadership Advice Received

Inspire people, don’t overwhelm them.

Secret to Success

Self-awareness and courage

Best Resources in business or Life

Inner strength and inner talent.

Recommended Reading

Mental Toughness For Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths

Contacting Kate

Website: http://katenasser.com/

email: info [at] katenasser.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katenasser

Twitter: https://twitter.com/katenasser

More Resources

54 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Competencies List: Emotional Intelligence has proven to be the right kind of intelligence to have if you want to move onward and upward faster. Get your free list today.

Show Transcript: 

Click to access edited transcript

033: Kate Nasser: After being hit by a meatball

 

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

 

Jim Rembach:    Thanks, Kimberly. Okay, Fast Leader legion, I am excited because I get the opportunity to share with you somebody who’s really been a mentor to me for many years I look up to her. She’s one of those folks where when you think about quotes and soundbites in your head you hear her voice, her name is Kate Nasser. Kate was born and raised in Upstate New York where she was the youngest of four daughters and had to hold her own. As young as the age of five, Kate felt leadership and the desire to help others when she befriended a heave set little girl in her kindergarten class that others were bullying. They stop making fun the little girl and started to include her and play with her. This inner strength kelp pulsing inside Kate but her hump was getting comfortable with her strength and living with it without overwhelming others,

 

Her journey wasn’t smooth, after being shunned in college and early jobs, Kate learned a valuable lesson in becoming comfortable with herself even when it meant being alone. It taught her many different avenues of solving problems, overcoming challenges, and building connections. Ultimately all these lessons and Kate’s strength spelled her destiny of self-employment as the people skills coach for leadership team or customer service and employee engagement. The underlying message in all of her work is, interact and lead with courage and balance.

 

Kate has also created a form for others to discuss, share and learn about strength, balance interactions. It’s the People Skills global Twitter chat Sundays at 10 AM Eastern and associated with a 24/7 online community. Kate Nasser are you ready to help us get over the hump?

 

Kate Nasser::   I’m ready.

 

Jim Rembach:    I’m so glad you’re here with me today. I’ve given our listeners a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we get to know you better?

 

Kate Nasser:     Sure. My current passion is twofold. Certainly, in my personal life I’m doing something now for  10 years that I wanted to do in the very beginning and that was be a dancer. And of course, my father said no, and that was the end of it, I wasn’t even allowed to take ballet lessons like most little girls, so no pink tutu for me back then but I did some dancing in college and Jazz that sort of thing but about 10 years ago I found Latin dancing and I have the most, the most incredible teacher, coach in New York City and it has become a learning experience not just in Latin dancing, because he’s not a typical dancer in terms of being totally focused on dance, he is actually a business man, there’s a little bit of philosopher in him, so I have grown in my own business inside and he told me the same thing about him. From the interactions that we have when while I’m learning to samba, how do we get to that, I don’t know but it’s quite true. And then my business, my big passion, is what it has been for 27 years, this is my 27th year in business, and it’s all about teaching people and coaching people to interact in a positive way without losing the honesty. Because people think that it’s okay if you’re going to be authentic, just tell people whatever—[Laugh] No, you can be honest without being blunt, you can succeed without insulting people and that’s where the whole passion connects there. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Gosh! Kate, I think that’s an awesome story. Thanks for sharing both of them. For me, there’s something that really stuck out when you started talking about learning to dance, and the interaction and the development and growth that came outside of dance, by opening up your network and your mind and I think that’s phenomenal. If you think about one thing that you would give as a piece of advice to others in regards to that learning and growth development that you gone through, what would it be?

 

Kate Nasser:    Be open minded not indecisive. He and I, my dance teacher during the personality scale he’s an analytic, he’s a driver analytic, I’m an expressive driver so he wants to go to the flowchart and I teach this when I teach adapting the personality type. Here it was right in front of me every Saturday a real life experience where I had to do it and he has come to learn it from me. So, the point is that be open minds, someone’s a different personality types, somebody has a different view. Okay, you don’t have to fight on it you can listen, you can express yourself, he and I have influenced each other to the point now where he quotes me and I quote him, it is incredible [Laugh]. 

 

Jim Rembach:   That is incredible and I think it’s that’s a great piece of advice, thanks for giving it. Now, you are one of those folks like I had mention that a lot of times I think about soundbites in my head and the way that we pull those things out in our memory a lot of times they are associated with some voice, some inflection and passion and absolutely Kate you have it and I appreciate all of that in you. But we have to be energized from a lot of things in our lives, you talked about just those stories and how they give you energy and a new found perception and view and belief and all that, but we look at quotes on the Fast Leader show because they do inspire us. Are there some quotes for you that do that, give you that energy?

 

Kate Nasser:    I love inspirational quotes, I find them—in fact, in one of the darkest and most difficult times of my personal life which was affecting my business life for a while, not in terms of what I deliver to the customers, but when I’d be done working I’d sort of ‘emplowed’ and I needed to be able to pump back up because the next day I still had to be on as it were. I found DVD, and I’m sure now it’s online, they had this quotes that came up a music behind it and it was only like a two minute DVD and I remember there was one day I was in this office, I sat here I watched that inspirational DVD 13 times in a row before I felt lifted up and out of what was weighing me down. I could quote quotes for two hours, I think for me it’s probably this one, let me see if I can get it right, ‘Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front me, I may not follow just walk beside me and be with me.” But that’s not mine, I don’t want to take credit for that and I will have to look up where I found that. But again, I’m always looking for this balance and leadership has always been defined traditionally as somebody out there telling you what to do, I always hated that. I mean, you can’t just be passive in your life, and I hate the word follower, to me, everyone is a collaborator you’re not on the leash being dragged along. Again don’t walk behind me I may not be leading every moment and don’t walk in front of me I may not follow you but walk beside me, be with me, that’s the one that I think says it all.

 

Jim Rembach:    I love the depth of what that provides for us today in regards to talking about the multi-generations within the workplace, everything that were having to deal with. Especially at my age, aging of parents—young kids, Oh, my goodness. Thanks so much for sharing that. We talked in your bio about being one of many, talked about your dad not allowing the tutu in the house, [Laughter] we’ve all had humps to get over, can you think of a time where you’ve had a hump to get over and it really defined and shaped you?

 

Kate Nasser:    Oh, yeah. It absolutely hands-down, this is my story if anybody wants to hear my story. I came out of college thinking that I was going to be a high school math teacher. I did that for three months. After being hit by a meatball I realized this is not what I want to do with my life because in college—when you study math unless you happen to be Einstein, which I wasn’t, I had to work hard, we we’re study Calculus at midnight this is tough stuff, but I love math I was good at it and I love teaching, so I thought that’s perfect for me.

 

I realized very quickly that, “Okay, I’m not going to do this, this is not what I pictured teaching to be. So, the first stump was, “What do I do now? I have to get a job, I have to support myself.” I went in to computers, just because that’s what the job availability was. So, I got in to computers, I was working at my first company, left there and went to another company. Second company was—they had technology older than the first company so, I was travelling backwards in my career, which is not a good thing to do. Then I finally landed a job with a very, very large pharmaceutical, well-known pharmaceutical company –Made it, right? Why wasn’t I’m happy, I’m was still as discontented, I was like always at home, I’d come home from work and I’d be angry and just—whatever. 

 

And a friend of mine said, “You’re incredibly smart. You’re young, you’re talented, what the hell are you doing being so disappointed and so angry all the time? Why don’t you go and see a career counselor? And maybe they can help you, and see knew of one—it was a private one not to the corporation I was working for. I went to her she did the personality indicators, it’s funny because this is what I do now giving a lot of this things, and she came back to me after—we talked for about two weeks. She came back to me and she said, “The reason you’re not happy is because you want to be self-employed.” I said, “You’re crazy! I never even had a lemonade stand, what are you talking about?” 

 

And she is very, very—I remember what she said and she had this papers about me and she pushed them across the table at me like this and she said, “Data doesn’t lie, Dearie.” She said, “You came to me that was the first big camp, you chose.” She said, “You want to change your life in some way.” So, she gave me an exercise to do for two weeks, it seems like two weeks has always been the magic number, so she said, “Here go home and do this exercise for two weeks and then come back to me.” And she said, “A pattern will emerge at the end of the exercise and you will see where you want to go” she was absolutely correct. Then I had to start putting into place a plan to leave and start my own business, and of course, that means saving up money there’s a lot of planning it is not just flipping out the door. And it was two years, not two weeks, two years to the day that I left and started my own business and that was 27 years ago. 

 

And a few years ago I found her business card in the back of my desk drawer, and how you clean out every so often, and I thought, oh, I wonder I spend so many years, I wonder if she’s still around. And I thought, what the heck. And so, pick up the phone and I dialed the number and it was her, she was still there. And I said, “I don’t know if you still remember me? My name is Kate Nasser before I could finish the sentence she said, “Oh, I remember you.” [Laugh] I like, “Okay, is that a compliment? But I wanted her to know, I really wanted her to know what a difference it made in my life, but that was it. If I had one thing to do over, and that’s sort of the message I want to send to everybody—I hope I’m not jumping ahead on your questions—but the message I would send to everybody when it comes to fast leader the key word is, “sooner”.

 

Most people think of fast as doing things quicker, chaos and rush-um-um, it’s sooner. Just like when they say, “I don’t have enough money to start an investment.” And they say it’s not how much money you have, it’s when you start. The people who invest $10 and they start at the age of 15 or something, you’ve seen that and they’ve worked out the numbers. It’s the same with achieving success, start sooner. And I got a whole list of things I could give people on what to start sooner. 

 

Jim Rembach:    I think you bring such a breath of freshness, Kate. And giving that definition of fast leader oftentimes I have to do the same thing, it’s not about doing things quickly. The beauty about fast leader is what you just shared and that we can learn from others so that we can do the right thing a little bit sooner, and that’s going to make us faster leader we’re going to learn better and we’re going to get over those humps faster when we learn about the things that others have had to go through. 

 

Kate Nasser:    I love your word, learning. In fact, I was teaching a class years ago, it was a four-day class on consulting skills on how to help people who want to become consultants, and I always started the class with this one message, “Learn as much as you can everywhere you can regardless of whether you think you will use it.” I am constantly learning, constantly I learn from listening to you, I learn from reading books, I learn from doing, I learn from teaching. Every time I teach I come home I’m pumping up the energy for them, and thank God I’m and extrovert so it doesn’t drain me, but I come home all energized there’s always one or two things I learn from my students my customers, keep learning. Oh, my Gosh! It’s like a free feast—

 

Jim Rembach:    Yeah. And it’s amazing when you opened up your opportunities to learn more just by taking the dancing class, just amazing.   

 

Kate Nasser:    Yeah. Dancing is my sanity getaway. 

 

Jim Rembach:    There’s one thing, I do also a lot of studying in Appreciative Inquiry which is based in positive psychology, and one of the things that appreciative inquiry talks about is unlikely pairs. What that means as far you’re learning is concerned is that you need to seek out others that are different from you because that will give you greater opportunities for learning instead of having somebody who thinks exactly like you. But the key is to be open for it, like you did mention earlier. So, go and find some unlikely pairs. Kate, thanks for sharing those stories. Now, you talked about your work, you talked about how that is continue to develop, you talked about doing it for many years and I know that it’s something for you that it has become part of your DNA and I don’t see you ever stopping, I just don’t.

 

Kate Nasser:    People are starting to say, “So, when are you going to retire? I’m think about first of all I’m age-wise if you look at it I’m not close to that. But my heads said always said, “Why?” [Laugh]  Why? You’ve heard this this is an age old quote, “When you love what you do, you don’t need to retire.” What I’m fascinated by, and again I’m always learning, there’s a lot of people who were in a job, good job, career and then they do retire because when you’re in a company sometimes they indirectly force people out of certain age, you know they deny it. But I have close knowledge of at least 3 people who have gone on to do other things and they are happier than I have ever seen them. And for one, it’s another full time job but she went from being very big time HR Director at a large pharmaceutical company to teaching business and HR but not in a business school she teaches it a fashion design school and she’s always telling me about how her students are teaching her about fashion. Till I slide up, the clay mine have been lighting up 27 years so whether you love what you do right now, and you want to stay in it forever, or whether you are having a job and it’s a good job but it doesn’t really light your fire, when you do leave don’t be afraid that you’re going to think, “Oh, my what am I going to do in retirement? Am I going to be bored?” No, you’re going to find what’s really in you, it’s just right now you may not know what that thing is.

 

Jim Rembach:    Yeah. Just stay open piece and be a life lone learners definitely the underlying component and message there that we have to. Sometimes force yourself into it. We’re not wired to do different we’re just not. That’s the unfortunate thing, so it does take a little bit of energy units, I was introduced to that phrase the other day, to be able to do that. If you think about your goals, what is one of your goals that you’re shooting for right now? 

 

Kate Nasser:    Right now I am writing my first book. I’ve been blogging for years now and I didn’t even want to write. When someone tell me I should start up blog I said, “Why didn’t you just pull my fingernails out, the thought of it was so horrific for me.” Then I fell in love with it because I’m a speaker you know how it is. So, writing a book is a bit of a challenge for me because at least with writing a blog, it’s 600 words give or take, you know and bing, bing, bing—writing a book! I’ve got to organize it and also I am writing, it’s my goal, I am working on it there’s a bit of a challenge because I’m a speaker. Someone said, “Well, speak it and write it” so, that’s what I’m doing now, and then you have to go back and edit it—that’s a big goal. 

 

My other goal is that, I guess I’m in learning mode to how accomplish it. I want to combine the speaking and the entertainment part of my life because I’ve always been a performer at heart. And years ago I used to do musical theatre as a hobby, musical comedy show and so forth, and I had to give that up to start my own business because I was on the road all the time. One day my sister happened to be doing an engagement here in New Jersey, my sister came with me because we had to leave after that to go on a trip. So, she sat in the back of the room and afterwards she went out to the car and she was just kind of smirking and laughing I said, “What are you doing? What’s with you?” And she said, “Now I know why you don’t miss theatre.” She said, “Because it’s like watching a one women show up there” and I never forgot that. And I want to try to find venues where there’s a little bit more of the entertainment piece as well as the content of what I speak. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Well, Fast Leader legion wishes you the very best. Okay, Kate it’s time for the rapid part of our show and that’s the—Hump Day Hoedown. Okay, Kate the Hump Day Hoedown is the part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So, I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Kate Nasser, are you ready to hoedown?

 

Kate Nasser:    I’ll try. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

 

Kate Nasser:    Know how. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

 

Kate Nasser:    Inspire people, don’t overwhelm them. 

 

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

 

Kate Nasser:    Self-awareness and courage.

 

Jim Rembach:    What do you feel is one of your best resources that helps you lead in business or life?

 

Kate Nasser:    Inner strength and inner talent.

 

Jim Rembach:    What would be one book, and I know that going to be tough and it doesn’t have to be a business book, what would be one book that you would recommend to our listeners?

 

Kate Nasser:    52 Tips to Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths by LaRae Quy.

Jim Rembach:    Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligent practitioner, Jim Rembach.Okay, Fast Leader listeners, you can find links to that book and other bonus material from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/Kate Nasser. Okay, Kate this is my last Hump Day Hoedown question. Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25 and you’ve been given the opportunity to take the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you but you can’t take everything you can only choose one, so, what one piece of knowledge or skill would you take back with you? And why? 

 

Kate Nasser:    Start sooner and speak up sooner. And why? Because success does not come from waiting, so start sooner. 

 

Jim Rembach:    Kate, it was an honor spending time with you today. Can you please share with our Fast Leader legion how they can connect with you?

 

Kate Nasser:    Sure. I have my website, katenasser.com. I also have the People Skills community and you can get information on that. I’m all over Twitter, just at 50,000 followers today, not that that was the goal but it does help to have a wider audience. And of course, through my email, info@katenasser.com and I would love to connect with people. So, bring on the questions. 

 

Kate, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom, the Fast Leader legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. 

 

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show, special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster.

 

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