influence

219: Stacey Hanke: My influence was redefined

Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

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Okay, Fast Leader legion today I’m excited because I have somebody on the show today who’s going to help me update some of my skills and I know she’s going to  have the opportunity to update yours as well. Stacey Hanke grew up on a farm in Central Wisconsin in a small community called Marathon. She’s the middle of three girls. The best move Stacey’s made and her business was to invite her two sisters to join her in her company. The three of them have their father to thank for their work ethic which carries through to their work today. Their father’s words of wisdom are a part of their success today, always follow through and you’ll be in the top percent, be kind to everyone because you will always need help someday and then be consistent.

Stacey worked in the corporate world as a trainer on numerous topics, leadership, customer service and time management. Companies included Target, Bosh and the enough for profit where she hired speakers and was the emcee at their conferences. She started to hang on to these speakers’ shorts tails and asking them to mentor her, she learned from the best. Stacey is known for the impact she has on her clients personally and professionally. Most importantly she wants to have a positive impact on her nieces, to be a role model for them to be confident knowing that they can be anything or anyone they dreamed to be. 

Stacey’s business passion is to teach others how to communicate with influence Monday to Monday. As a keynote speaker and mentor to c-suite executives she helps individuals see through the eyes and ears of their audiences, the result is career changing insights. She’s the author of, Influence Redefine: Be the Leader You Were Meant to be Monday to Monday. She previously wrote the number one bestseller, Yes You Can: Everything You Need from A to Z to

Influence Others To Take Action. She has appeared in the New York Times and smart money and has emceed TEDx and has appeared on the Lifetime Network and WGN Chicago. She lives in downtown Chicago with her husband where she works hard and plays hard. When she’s not traveling, living in airports, she teaches fitness classes. Stacey Hanke, are you ready to help us get over the hump?

Stacey Hanke:     I am. I’m ready. Thanks for that introduction.

Jim Rembach:    I’m glad you’re here. You and I just had some great discussion prior to this interview and I’ve shared a little bit about you with my Legion, but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you even better? 

Stacey Hanke:     Hmm, on the professional side, and I know it sounds crazy and you probably hear everyone say, it truly is the work that we do with people. It’s gotten to the point where 16 years in the business it’s getting the emails several months after I work with them saying you’ve had such impact on my life. And I’m thinking, it’s not like I’m doing brain surgery but you start to pull through that even when you realize, gosh, we communicate all the time it’s such a critical piece that it does have impact when you start increasing people’s awareness of how they come across. So that that’s definitely on the professional side. And because that can be pretty intense sometimes a little too often like 24/7 I spend a lot of time truly with friends and family to break myself away from the business side. I really believe in health and fitness. With living on the road as much as all of us speakers do. I learned the hard way, years ago that if you’re not healthy you can’t keep up with that level of stamina and if you’re not healthy I also think that it also impacts the level of influence you have.

Jim Rembach:    As you were talking I started thinking, I started having somewhat of that conversation talking about that energy and that burnout and recharging of batteries and all that. I was at a conference last week in Nashville, in the customer contact center industry, we were talking about how it just zaps you by being at one of those events and having to network and talk, because me I’m a slight introvert, and so it just drains me to be on and be on the entire day. A lot of these folks that are more on the extroverted side they want to go out at night and party and do this the other and I’m like, man I just need it to be quiet. 

Stacey Hanke:     It is. It takes a lot of energy. Because if you truly care about every interaction you have and the conversations that you’re having the relationships that you’re building I tend to, which it sounds like you do too, I tend to put a lot into it. And at some point I just have to totally recharge. My recharge is a lot of times at the gym or that quiet time back in the hotel room back on the airplane. I know that it’s a plane seat and just puts the earbuds in to take a moment there’s so much work around that too. I talk about this with the mentees, with our executives that we mentor, that why in the corporate world do we run 24/7 every day of the week sometimes or at least six five times a week yet any athlete knows that the football season the tennis seasons, because they cannot perform at their best at that high level. That’s the big part of influence is really identifying when do you need that break? And when do you need to go all-in? 

Jim Rembach:    So what you’re saying right there too even when you start to come out from a fitness perspective people who are in fitness know that, for example if you’re trying to build some muscle you don’t build muscle during the workout process you build muscle during the rest process. 

Stacey Hanke:     It’s so true. I think you built focus from a professional level during the silent times. I know for myself when I’m responding to emails like everyone else does in a day and having lots of calls and podcast interviews I don’t have that pocket of time. So my pocket of time is me making the commitment. I blocked my calendar off a certain point in a day. And even if it’s thirty minutes, usually it’s an hour I’ll block a good hour off because I know that I can’t be my best in responding to the emails to keep up with the calls if it’s constant back-to- back without that moment of just focusing through. How did that conversation go? What went well? What didn’t go well? And how can I prepare for the next interaction?  

Jim Rembach:    I think what we’re talking about here really goes into something that you addressed in Chapter one of the book. You talk about, is your influence outdated? Even when we start talking about professional life, you talk about the whole 24/7 thing, personal life that way too. It’s just non-stop all day long until you crash. Even if you think about your influence,  I’m not thinking about my influence because I’m going all the time I think I’m actually being influential I’m actually not, so when you start thinking about could my influence be outdated? What do you really mean? 

Stacey Hanke:     Exactly that. I think when it’s outdated it’s an old definition of influence. For example, how many times have you been, maybe at corporate meeting a client event you have this conversation, the person who’s leading the conversation is all caught up in their own dialogue half the group is down in their smartphones or their side conversations going on the person leading the conversation their subconscious says to them, we’ll just keep talking torture them even more and eventually you’ll figure out what to say. Influence not, you turn it on and you turn it off, that’s not what I’m talking about here. Influence really is this concept of no matter who interacts with you whether it’s like what we’re doing today all way conversations and your personal life your professional life they always get you, they never have to guess who’s going to show up. In order for that to happen though of body language and the messaging they need to be consistent. 

You can’t be saying one thing your body language is totally disconnecting, disengaging, and expect people to think you’re influential. With that level of definition, Jim, that’s heavy that’s going to take discipline it’s going to take work. Here’s the good news, if you consciously thought about your verbal and your nonverbal during every conversation, you’re constantly practicing. And I think that’s the piece people don’t get. For example, if I’m working with a sales group sales professionals they’ve been taught, written for the sales pitch turn it on, in practice right before the meeting. That’s probably the worst thing you can do because it’s going to be a cluster you’re going to mess up because now suddenly you’re going to think about connecting and engaging and you don’t typically do that. But it’s like the mind to be athlete, however, the athlete prepares, practices Monday to Thursday is how they’ll perform on Saturday. 

I’m trying to get my clients to think more in those terms of don’t wait for the big gig and turn this on there’s nothing authentic about it. I think you start jeopardizing your trust when you do that. It’s more about, think about how people experience you every day. Here’s the good news though Jim, we get to choose every day what that looks like, based on how we show up how we stay showed up and what we leave behind.

Jim Rembach:    For me when you were talking you much in sales you mentioned executives, we’re talking about really everything. We’re talking about a colleague connection and relationship. We’re talking about a mentor mentee relationship. We’re talking about that personal relationship whether it’s at home. Yesterday, my 10 year old son he behaved in a certain way that was just quite rude. I said, would you do that to your friend’s parents? And I said, let me tell you what, if you are you’ll never go there again. Why would you treat me differently? And he goes, oh no. I said, that’s right, you shouldn’t because you never know with that behavior if you’re going to take it out of the house and take it into somebody else’s house that would not be okay. 

Stacey Hanke:     It’s so true. There’s been a couple of situations last year where one of my clients I’ve known for a while and I truly respect them and I admire them. Well, I get them out of the corporate environment perhaps we go to dinner to lunch and I watched, Jim, how they interact with the service staff. I look at them and I’m thinking, alright, you totally have changed my perception of you. Maybe it’s a mindset for your listeners today to think about that there’s always a camera on people are always watching you they’re always seeing you. Whether it’s your parent, I always say I’m not a parent myself, we talked about this before the show Jim, but my sisters have little ones and the big joke was always anytime their girls had problems at school just look at the parents. 

Usually it was the parents that caused the behavior because the child followed it. Whether you’re a husband wife, a partner, a leader, a co-worker interacting with internal or external customers you get to decide how you want to show up. I’m not talking just about your messaging it’s a much bigger picture than that. Why this is also, I’m kind of layering this and going deep, why everything I just talked about is even more important. We’re living in a new world of work called noise and there is 24/7 we are living the noise, the dialogue in our head, or the many conversations that we receive via email, text, social media it makes it that much more difficult to make sure that not only are we heard, it’s more than that, it’s making sure people remember you, they understand your message in order for them to act on your recommendation.

Jim Rembach:    In the book you actually talk about some of those characteristics to be specific of those folks who are influential at all times you said trustworthy, credible, competent, knowledgeable, authentic and passionate, for me when I start looking at those I can say, yeah I’m those but I’m not those all the time and I think that’s when a constant effort and struggle comes from. Also and I started looking at these I’m like, hmm, which one would be the most important if there is such a case? I know they interrelate and they affect one another and things like that but we are talking about the work that you do and the people that you find that they have that self-blind spot they’re not self-aware, where does it often fall?

Stacey Hanke:     Definitely the trust. I about how the only skill that conveys trust is what you do with your eyes. I look at people when I talk yet half the time they’re there looking down at the smartphone or they’re kind of talking and looking someplace else that’s not the kind of trust I’m talking about. I am really shocked that wow, this really is about when you’re speaking you’re locking into someone’s eyes. Anytime you’re not talking you look away, you can look away as often as you need to, just don’t talk to people’s shoes. Don’t talk to the top of their head or talk to the PowerPoint deck behind you in that meeting. It’s that one, Jim, and then it’s the other one that conveys knowledge and that’s brevity, getting to the point. We love to talk we don’t realize that a lot of times our sentence structure is no longer a sentence we speak in paragraphs because we’re constantly filling the gap rather than allowing and trusting their competence that sometimes silence is the right answer.

Jim Rembach:     It’s interesting you say that. So I have a couple coaching clients that I help with marketing and social selling and things like that and we do help them prepare for webinars and all of that and to me when you start talking about someone who has technical skill and confidence that’s quite deep a lot of times they want to convey all that right up front and I always have to reel them back and say one thing, we need them to focus on one thing we only have so much in the resource bucket. So therefore, if we’re taking so many resources out to try to get them to pay attention they’re not hearing your message at all and they’re not going to do anything they’re going to zone out they’re going to check out. When you start focusing in on one thing, how do you actually go about doing that per the audience? 

Stacey Hanke:     Mm-hmm, I think it definitely comes back to that trust. If people like you they’ll listen to you there’s no influence attached to it. When people start trusting and respecting you that’s when they start buying into your ideas and that’s influence, getting them to act. That’s the first place I always start with someone is make sure that when you’re speaking—I used the take line, Jim, no eyes no talk only speak when you see eyes. And even as a parent you probably can relate when your kids were a little younger and if you’re wondering they’re telling you the truth not you may have said to them, look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t do it. My dad would do it all the time, I couldn’t lie to my dad. It’s the same concept but I wonder if our phones, they’re becoming horsing face to face communication to be a lost art. We feel like the world’s going to  end if I don’t respond to that text that just came in or I don’t quick like that

Facebook post. 

I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it’s amazing that we have so many ways that now we can connect and build relationships, but this isn’t the one builder. And it’s really making sure that when you’re talking to someone they really believe that you are invested in that interaction. Because they can be anywhere else they don’t have to listen to you if they don’t want to. Make it so purposeful so impactful that they don’t want to do anything but pay attention to what you’re saying.

Jim Rembach:    You even mentioned that in the book talking about making sure that your using the proper channel in order to convey your message, it’s get up and walk down the hall get out and walk down the block if you need to. They have that face-to-face communication connection instead of sending the email or doing something different. Proximity is very powerful and like you said it’s just too easy to shoot something off and it has a negative draining effect. It goes back to almost that resource bucket thing. You’re gaining credibility by the contacts that you make and how you make them and what you’re conveying within those contacts. 

Stacey Hanke:     I always tell my audience, because this whole email concept that you should just hang up the email and in turn pick up the phone and just try a conversation. There’ll be times I’ll catch myself Jim, I’m not perfect by any means I think all this is a work in progress which makes it tough, I’ll be responding to a client’s email and I’ll be midway through and I’m thinking, okay, no matter how they put this this is not going to come across the way I wanted to. I can’t even get it to work. I’ll pick up the phone I’ll call and at the times that they answer, I’ve had a couple of good ones today where I’ve caught people, and they’re shock that I call. And they’ll thank me over and over for taking the time to call. I’m thinking every time I get that phone interaction or any time, like we’re doing I get to actually see you, it just takes that relationship to the next level. Again that’s important because you don’t have a lot of time in the day. Unless you’re an amazing email writer and you know something that I don’t know you’re

getting responses all the time you’re making sales all the time definitely let me know what you’re doing I really do believe at some point you’ve got to be looking at people you’ve got to create that relationship through some face time.

Jim Rembach:    I have seen evidence over the past many years and it being more difficult to have some of those deep conversations. Really if you can have that deeper connection and conversation with just one or two people those were the ones you want to really hold on to when you bearish more, you’re going to get more done I would rather have those three conversations than 300 superficial ones.

Stacey Hanke:     Exactly. To me, I’m sure you’re busy too Jim, I’m getting to the point I don’t have time.  I don’t have the time I used to have. I think about if I’m going to have a conversation can’t we just accomplish so much more in that conversation? I get more done when we can talk live. Then the email, all the back-and-forth how many times have you been caught in that trail of email? And you look at where the first email started you’re thinking, I could have solved that in what a minute two minutes. To think in terms of that too I think influence is someone who really values productivity and use of time not only for themselves but also for their listeners. How much your listeners would appreciate that you’re always thinking ahead of, what can I do with this interaction to save you time but still make sure it’s valuable?

Jim Rembach:    That’s a good point. I’ve started saying in certain instances where I don’t want to waste your time and I don’t want mine wasted either just so it’s kind of like a mutual thing.

Stacey Hanke:     I like that. Yeah, I like that it might steal that from you.

Jim Rembach:    Please do. Okay, so you also have a really powerful graphic that you’ve developed that you call the influence model.  It starts with a foundational component and builds up from there. It talks about the importance of accountability feedback and then also practicing these things. And so at the bottom, the foundation is that self-awareness piece we talked about this a little bit, consistency you’ve mentioned that as well, reputation, adaptability impact, and then influence is really the pinnacle at the top right. We didn’t talk a whole lot about the reputation piece what do you mean by reputation?

Stacey Hanke:     Mmm-hmm what people are saying behind your back. Just give like a visual fire listener this is a triangle model. You’ve got feedback, practice, and accountability and if you’re not doing that constant, I’m not saying feedback is—glad, nice job that was great, that’s not feedback you can’t do anything with that. But if you’re not constantly asking for specific feedback you’re not constantly consciously practicing during your conversations during the day thinking about how you’re coming across and then having someone help you hold you accountable I think the reputation could be a misrepresentation of how you truly want to come across. So this idea of reputation is one that you’re proud of Monday to Monday. It’s one that you continue to build and going back to what I said earlier it also ties to you know exactly what people are saying. You’re creating this reputation that however they interact with you, Jim, whether they catch you at dinner one night at a restaurant or they catch you on a podcast, Jim is Jim. I know we adapt because adaptability is the next piece on the model the next element, of course, it’s all about adapting based on who you’re speaking to and the type of medium you’re using. But the idea the reputation is if you want people to trust you is that consistent. Or do people sometimes guess based on, if you had a chance to prepare or if they see you in your personal life? There’s a conflict there. When that starts happening people start guessing. 

Jim Rembach:    I can only imagine talking about your upbringing being in such a Wisconsin, your grandparents we talk about that’s still being on the farm and working the farm, which today I think he said it was negative three degrees up there and Grandpa’s still out there working in the farm but you’ve had a lot of inspiration in your life. I can only imagine too working with your two sisters and how that give someone inspiration as well. We use quotes in the show to help inspire us and point us in the right direction. Is there a quote or two that you can share that you like?

Stacey Hanke:     Nothing from my family. There is one, let’s see, there’s two can I give you two? 

Jim Rembach:    Please. 

Stacey Hanke:     One I think is from Warren Buffett and he states that, perhaps I’m so successful because I have failed more than anyone else. I don’t need to explain that. There’s another one from Johnson Maxwell that states, discipline is doing what you really don’t want to do so that you can do what you really want to do. And that’s all tied to, just your work ethic and what you want to make out of that reputation. I learned early on growing up on a farm, I didn’t understand the chemistry of planting and changing the fields it was just too complicated I still don’t get it. But one thing I always got was whatever my family would plant in the spring would be our finances in the fall, how interconnected those two were. When I got into corporate world, Jim, I realized is that actually is also determination of every interaction we have determines the relationships we have the people that follow us and the money in our pocket. I’ve really taken that whole piece of every interaction that I have every day it’s going to  come back, it’s somehow that’s all going to come back. 

My dad used to always talk about good and bad karma. I remember in high school there was an episode, and my dad kept saying, never be mean to the janitor because someday you’re going to need the janitor, and that could be anyone I just pulled that out of midair. I think that theme is part of influence too. I see too often, Jim, a leader working with me is professional and kind and then I’ll see them interact with their team and I’m wondering, who are you? That’s not the experience I just had with you.

Jim Rembach:    That ten-year-old misbehaving at home. 

Stacey Hanke:     Right. There’s DR of you, remember in the book. It was (24:31 inaudible)a scenario that I saw, I talked about how you go in a restaurant and the parents and the kids are sitting together in the restaurant and they’re just obnoxious and they’re not listening to their mother. Their mother gets up to, it could be a mother or father, mother gets up to use the restroom and the kids are super well behaved as soon as she leaves. That’s what I mean by disconnect. I think everything in the book on influence redefined really does tie to everything that we do in our personal or professional life because that’s who we are. I don’t think you can be one person and another. People argue with me on that, and I go, no, no I’m different at home. How do you like turning that one on and off every day? 

Jim Rembach:    Most definitely. I can only imagine too, like I said on several discussions there’s humps that we all have to get over in order to get to the point to where that we are today and as far as being a little bit more enlightened, right? Is there a time where you’ve gotten over the hump that you can share? 

Stacey Hanke:     Yes. Very early in my career I was doing a lot of introductions at our big events for speakers. I was young, I had this great job which I did and I had a really big ego. Because everyone always kept saying how good I was I believed it. At that time I was ready to introduce the speaker at one of our events and my boss said to me, I think we should record you so you can see it. And we kind of went back and forth in this banter my job pretty much came down to it, that it was time for me to get feedback, so I agreed. And after I did the introduction we go into this conference room to watch the playback. We’re very early in the playback, me and my boss, he looks at me and he says would you want to sit through that? And I remember what a slap in the face that was. It was the best thing that could have happened in my career because at that point I realized, wow, there is a huge disconnect of how you feel rather than what everyone else experiences. And from many, many years I’ve got a speech coach, I’ve got a business coach that I work with on a monthly basis and they’re constantly pulling me down, as long as they build me up I’m okay with it I’ll keep paying them their monthly fees, but it’s important to know that you’ve got to witness the bad, you’ve got to witness the good, to make sure that consistency is there to build that reputation you’re proud of.

Jim Rembach:    Good for you for doing that. I think one of the things that is really important that

I’d also like to emphasize is that every coach needs a coach. Also if you’re talking about the feedback as far as, how am I doing? You can’t get that from somebody who’s close to you and knows you they’re going to protect you they’re not going to tell you the unfiltered truth. However, if it’s somebody who you’re, either paying or you’ve worked out some equitable agreement where you do them and they do you and you remove that error of protection you start get into some reality. 

Stacey Hanke:     Yeah, that is such a good point. Because a lot of leaders come to me because they don’t have anyone else that’s going to tell them the truth especially at work. In our personal lives, sometimes your family members always willing to tell you what is really going on. If you get any leader, that’s a reputable leader, currently or even in our history all of them have coaches. I struggle sometimes, Jim, I’m wondering—you’ve may experience the same thing with your clients sometimes. Whoever I’m trying to sell to they’ll tell me, well, be careful with the feedback you give with our leaders because here the culture is it worked hard to get to where they’re at. What do you mean? They feel they’ve made it. Like, really? They need even more coaching because of that role that you’re in, in that position.

Jim Rembach:    Nothing like a culture of arrogance.

Stacey Hanke:     Yes, yes, they’re out there. 

Jim Rembach:    And the Fast Leader legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor: 

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Okay, Fast Leader legion, it’s time for the Hump day Hoedown. Okay Stacey, the Hump day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us a robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Stacey Hanke, are you ready to hoedown?

Stacey Hanke:     I’m ready, let’s go. 

Jim Rembach:    Alright. What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

Stacey Hanke:     Sometimes fear. 

Jim Rembach:    What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

Stacey Hanke:     Videotape and audio tape on a regular basis. 

Jim Rembach:    What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

Stacey Hanke:     Discipline and never giving up. 

Jim Rembach:    What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life? 

Stacey Hanke:     My family. 

Jim Rembach:    What would be one book that you’d recommend to our legion, it could be from any genre, and of course we’re going to put a link to, Influence Redefined on your show notes page as well.

Stacey Hanke:     I was just going to ask you besides my book? I don’t know the exact title, Carmine Gallo, he’s written several books around TED talks highly recommend those books. 

Jim Rembach:    Okay, Fast Leader legion, you can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/StaceyHanke. Okay, Stacey, this is my last hump day hoedown question: Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25. You’ve been given the knowledge and skills that you have now and you can take them back with you but you can’t take it all you can only take one. So what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why?

Stacey Hanke:     I would have networked even more. Because I look at the business now and it’s the power of the resources that we have. The more people know what we do the more profitable we are and the more impact we have on others.

Jim Rembach:    Stacey, it was an honor to spend time with you today, can you please share with the Fast Leader Legion how they can connect with you? 

Stacey Hanke:     Yes, feel free we’ve got lots of resources on our website so we can be there accountability from afar. It’s staceyhankeinc.com.

Jim Rembach:    Stacey Hanke, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show, special offers, and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster. 

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