Emotional Intelligence

249: Scott Warrick: Resolving employee conflict is simple

Jim Rembach: : (00:00)

Okay. Fast leader Legion today. I’m excited because I have somebody on the show today who may I share several passions and can really help us understand some of the basic and core fundamentals about us as human beings and how we can actually become better in the workplace and live. Scott Warrick was born and raised in Newark, Ohio. His father was a machine operator at Kaiser aluminum and his mother was a secretary. He was a perfectly placed middle child with a sister three years older than him. Pam and Kelly are brother three years younger than Kelly. Passed away suddenly in January of 2018 at the age of 53 Kelly was one of Scott’s closest and dearest friends. Scott paid for his own undergraduate degree by working at Owens Corning fiberglass making ceiling tile and packaging glass wall. That was the first union that Scott was part of. He was part of the GBA, the glass bottle blowers association.

Jim Rembach: : (00:56)

Scott went on to work several jobs while carrying a full load of classes at the Ohio state university in 1983 he earned his undergraduate degree in organizational communication. This is the degree Scott uses the most today than all the others. Resolving conflict is always the key. Scott. Ben started his career in human resources by holding a dual role at the Kirby backing cleaner company. He was their director of human resources by day and a vacuum cleaner salesman by night and weekends, so earn money to earn money for his graduate degree. He worked in another factory, Kaiser aluminum. That was the second union. Scott joined the steel workers. Scott then graduated from the Ohio state university in 86 with his masters of labor and human resources degree. Scott then work in human resources and various organizations throughout the later 1980s at that time, the law was swallowing HR, so while he was working as the director of human resources at first investment company in Columbus, Ohio, he was accepted at capital university college of law in 1992 and Scott graduated from capital in 96 as the class valedictorian first out of two 33 Scott then practice traditional law from 96 to 98 and absolutely hated it.

Jim Rembach: : (02:09)

Scott always believed that the lawsuit could be avoided if the parties just grew up, which is emotional intelligence and addressed and resolve their conflicts. Scott started his own private dual practice in 2001 Scott Warrick’s, human resource consulting, coaching and training services and Scott works employment law services today Scott focuses most of his attention on working with clients to build their levels of emotional intelligence, which is bottled to leadership skills and to help them better resolve their conflicts, which means using the system he developed called E P. R, which stands for empathetic listening, parroting and rewards. Scott’s book solve employee problems before they start resolving conflict in the real world was written to help people do just that and make their lives better. Today, Scott Scott lives in Reynolds, Burt, Ohio. He was married to his wife. He’s been married to his wife, Lisa for 32 years and they have two sons, Michael, who is in graduate school studying for his master’s degree in psychology at Roosevelt university in Chicago and Nicholas, who is studying to become a physical therapist and are at the Ohio state university. Scott work. Are you ready to help us get over the hump? Oh yeah. Looking forward to it. I’ll set, you know, I’m glad you’re here but I’ve given my Legion a little bit about you and, but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you even better?

Scott Warrick:: (03:27)

I’ve got a very unusual practice. Okay. First of all, I start from the premise. Uh, there is never a reason to go to court. Okay. And I will tell you right now, I’ve been practicing law for almost 25 years. I have never seen anybody who went to court that was glad they did it. Okay. People go to court and it’s really funny. People get all mad and everything. Uh, that’s wonderful. And then the bills start coming in. Okay. I’ll tell you, resolving conflict is make it really clear. If you cannot address and resolve conflict in your life, you are never going to be happy. You will probably get divorced. Number one cause of divorce is what I just told you right there. Number one, not addressing conflict, which we’ll talk about more. You’re going to get a union, you’re going to get sued. I nothing works if you can’t address and resolve conflict.

Scott Warrick:: (04:23)

And I will tell you right now, that is my passion that I, I go in and I train people. I love it when people, it’s really funny. Somebody read the book and I got a call from them and this is the most rewarding part of my day. I got this email from somebody, said she loved the book. She said, if Shida had this book five years ago, she’d still be married. And I’m like, I know, I know. It, it, it is very simple principles, but this is, you will never go anywhere in your career if you don’t address and resolve conflict. That’s my passion.

Jim Rembach: : (04:57)

Well, and I appreciate you sharing that and you and I share a couple couple things. Well, several of them are quite frankly, um, our love of baseball. Uh, we’re also both certified by MHS out of Canada and their EQI 2.0 system. I’ve also had Dr. Steven Stein, uh, who is the president of MHS on the show. And when I started thinking about this whole issue that you’re referring to, I mean it’s so much revolves around the whole self-discovery element. Cause a lot of times in conflict we’re pointing our fingers outward. And you know how the old saying goes when you do that, there’s three pointing back at you. Right? And that is true. It is so true. And through the book though, I mean there’s several different elements I that I want us to talk about and I want to make sure we get them, get through them all. But you at the very beginning you talk about customer services, employee relations, and vice versa. Kind of tell us what you mean about that.

Scott Warrick:: (05:50)

This is a big part of my practice because most people are in a company that I go into and it’s really because customer service is really pretty easy as long as everything goes well. Employee relations is a piece of cake. As long as everything goes well and that theory holds up well. If you start work at eight o’clock that holds up well until about eight Oh two okay. And here’s my premise and this is, and I’ll tell you, I love, we’ve talked a little bit about this and you’re going to, if you read the book, you get double doses of neurology. I can’t look at somebody and talk to them without looking at their forehead and their brain and wonder what’s going on up there. Okay? Um, and I’ll tell you it, when there’s conflict, you got an upset customer, right? They come in, they’re mad, okay?

Scott Warrick:: (06:42)

There is no difference between the conflict resolution, low resolution skills. And when I say, well, use this term later, verbal Jeet, verbal G is the term I came up with because I’m a towering five foot seven. I’m a monster, okay? I was actually this size in a junior high and everything, which why I made a good catcher, okay? Big and everything. But then I stopped growing. Everybody else got bigger. So, uh, if you cannot control yourself now to, I’m very sympathetic. Hardest thing you’ll ever do in this world is control yourself. And I have illegal windows in my car. They are illegal. They are too dark. I paid $185 fine every time I get pulled over. But I’m telling you, we all lose it. It’s better control. Okay, so got it. If you can control yourself, that’s emotional intelligence. Second is you got to resolve conflict.

Scott Warrick:: (07:40)

If you are ever in a conflict, you use those skills. You talked about E P R and Catholic listening, parenting and rewards. Those two together are verbal G. and if you’ve ever studied martial arts, which I have because I’m such a big guy, um, and that is resolving conflict. Now you give me a conflict with a customer. They’re the exact same skills. You have a conflict with an employee. They’re the exact same skills. So I get calls, it’s really funny. I’m doing customer service training next week and then I got a couple of resolving conflict in the workplace. Then we, after that, I got a call from a client saying, Hey, I know you do this conflict stuff with employees, but do you do something with customer service? So I just changed the title.

Jim Rembach: : (08:29)

It’s very true. And so for us, no. Um, and so let’s kind of go through that from a journey that we talked about, you know, self and inward looking, realization, actualization, all those things about self. Because the things is, well, we can work. We’re going to have a very, very difficult time being able to engage in any type of conflict. Uh, if we, we haven’t really done that work. Uh, and then also when you start talking about engaging in conflict, I think that’s where we see oftentimes people just Stonewall and you talk about that. It’s like, Hey, I don’t know how to do that. I don’t like that. It’s uncomfortable to me, so therefore I’m just gonna be quiet, shut down and just avoid it. And we can’t do that. Um, and that, that’s causing even more problems. And so it’s a magnifying effect that’s occurring.

Jim Rembach: : (09:13)

But we won’t go into that. And that’s a whole nother episode. I agree with that 1000%. So let’s talk about the [inaudible] in the book. You really hit and explain really well, uh, the neurology of EQs. And I think you and I even started talking about that. I see. I said, even yesterday, I had a hiccup, you know, in my neurology of EEQ because quite frankly, if I stop and dissect it, I did it myself. You know, I drank too much coffee. I didn’t get enough sleep for two days in a row. I mean, there’s several factors that came into play that I tried to tell a joke in it. And it was, it was backfired. It was stupid. Um, you know, and I offended somebody. It was like, you know, and I, I did, you know, I fell off my horse. Right. But if you can’t talk to us about the neurology of VQ and why it’s so important here.

Scott Warrick:: (10:00)

Yeah. Oh, it’s everything. And it’s really funny because I’m doing a full day session on the brain and let me tell you, I am obsessed with the brain because once you understand the brain, you understand why you and I do the dumb things we do. And let me just start off with this discussion. Humans, the saddest animal on the planet. All right? We’re the only animal that knows we’re going to die. The only one. So we’re the only ones who have the frontal lobes to worry about retirement. Okay? My cat, my cats, I have four cats and two dogs. That’s for therapy, okay. Uh, they don’t worry about anything, you know, then when we’re done in it. So first of all, we worry about things, okay? But we pride ourselves on our frontal lobes. We are wired to get divorced and fired. So they think about this, you and I now, and I’ll tell you this, I have to be very careful here because I took off people from the Bible bell, okay?

Scott Warrick:: (11:02)

Who are creationists and I get really nasty letter and I get death threats. I think that people take off their, what would Jesus do? And send me a death threat from the library cause I can’t track it, but please listen closely. What I’m saying, we have not evolved in 5,000 years. Now, creationists agree with this because they think the world is 5,600 years old. I have dear friends who are creationists, okay? And I don’t want to offend anybody, but let me tell you, if you’re a creationist, do you believe that the world is 5,600 years old? So 5,000 years ago, Fred Flintstone lived right here in Columbus, Ohio where I am right now. Okay? Uh, if you are an evolutionist and evolutionary theory, very clear man stopped evolving 10 to 50,000 years ago. So guess what? Everybody’s in agreement 5,000 years ago now, really get this, you and I live here, uh, out in the woods.

Scott Warrick:: (12:04)

Now we’re bigger and faster and stronger now, but that’s because of nutrition. Things like this. But really think about this. 5,000 years ago, 30% of everybody you and I know will have either been eaten by a wild animal or killed by another human. Yeah. Think about this. We got a brain that was wired, is wired for fight or flight. You and I are not wired to take the middle road. You and I are wired to run away or to attack all communication theory. Whether you look at crucial conversations, whether you look at [inaudible], whatever, okay? They’re all based on fight or flight. I use the terms retreat or an attacker, but it’s all the same. It’s what I studied back in the 80s with Ohio state. So you and I are wired for this now our emotional system, which is basically our amygdalas thinking of recent, this is two 1992 is when we discovered Dr. Joseph LeDoux discovered our amygdalas amazing in 17 thousands of a second.

Scott Warrick:: (13:16)

Our emotions kick it, and I like to put this in real world terms like you and I standing outside in the summer, we’ve all been bitten by mosquito. We turn and we smack the mosquito before cognitively we even know what happened. Our frontal lobes, our logical brain, two or three times at least slower than our emotional system. And if you’ve ever seen somebody just lose it and then they say, I don’t know what came over me. Well human came over you. Okay? So the vast majority of us, and when you understand the workings of the human brain, you understand that if you and I were wired to logically reason things out, deal with problems and our emotions would kick in later, all those people were eating that they didn’t live. Okay? Cause you and I’d be standing there and we’d see a lion. We take off, our ancestors took off there.

Scott Warrick:: (14:19)

We have some ancestors that would say, huh, what, what he’s going to do? And it’s too late. Okay. So really thank God for the slow witted. You know, humans, I’ll tell you, the people who survived are the ones who react first and think later worked great 5,000 years ago. It is net right there. Number one cause of divorce. That right there is each cue. You cannot separate brain health and understanding the brain and EEQ. That’s why I tell in the book and all my patients, all my clients, um, I’ll tell you, here’s a rule you got to follow. Five seconds is the difference between success and failure. I mean, you want to play a game, I’ll play a game. I’m gonna play a game. This is fun. I love this. Let’s do it. Okay. I’m going to give you a word to say. The word is joke. Now you and I are going to say this word together 10 times. Then I’m going to ask you a question. You give me an answer to what you’re saying. Okay, so all set. Let’s do it. Ready? Ready. The words joke. Joke, joke. Joke. You say it with me. Okay, here we go. Okay. Alright, ready? Go. Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. Joe. What do you call the white part of the egg yolk? No, no, no, no jam.

Scott Warrick:: (15:40)

Here we go. Everybody falls for that. I really wanted to say, yo, everybody listening to this wants to say, Oh, it’s egg shell. A farmer’s. Call it all the human. Okay. So that’s how we’re wired. And the thing is, you’re a Miguel. Let’s have a memory system of their own subconscious, part of your subconscious. And so this gets into, if you don’t slow down in sync, I always love this people, they don’t slow down and think, and some star, someone famous, uh, is going to let loose before the end of this month. Racial slurs under floors, a religious slurs, something it’s going to ruin their career and people, Whoa. Where did that come from? It came from your Nicholas.

Jim Rembach: : (16:26)

Sure. Yeah. Let’s see, what did you say in that? I think we, we’ve gotten, unfortunately, I think sometimes it depends. Well, I think the pendulum swung too far is that we, we’ve lost compassion, um, or people actually being human and, which is to me is just a little bit of form of irony. I mean, yeah. You know, there’s a friend of mine who I had on the show, some of the beginning stages of, of the fast leader show, and there’s one thing that he said that always sticks with me. He says that, Hey, look, people, you know, no babies died here.

Scott Warrick:: (16:58)

Yeah,

Jim Rembach: : (17:00)

you’re, you’re overblowing things. And it’s like, it’s true. I mean, yeah. Okay. So your feelings, you know, we’re, we’re hurt. Right. You know, you were offended, but that goes back to the emotional intelligence thing and you talked about the whole, you know, they took off their, you know, what would Jesus do bands in order to be able to attack you? Uh, it’s like, look, you know, this whole inclusion issue, a diversity issue, um, I, I hate to say it, but it’s both sides that are not using their emotional intelligence.

Scott Warrick:: (17:28)

Oh, I have every right. And I agree with you saying 100% the difference between success and failure for both sides, it’s five seconds. You think five seconds you will know that yolks are yellow. Okay. And so exactly like you’re saying, we have developed a society that has cell phones. Okay. I mean, I’ve done dumb things in my life. We all have. But the difference today is that if you do something, someone’s going to record it and it might ruin you. And what you’re saying right there is we have taken on a mentality that says, I should never be offended. Let me tell you. United States Supreme court made this very clear in 1993 Harris vs forklift systems, great case to read. Uh, you are going to be offended. You’re going to be offended when you leave the house. You know, there was actually great, great example of this on if you ever watched duck dynasty, Neil Robinson, okay.

Scott Warrick:: (18:28)

Lives out in the by you and everything and ms Kay wanted to move into a multimillion dollar neighborhood and everything and he said, you know, you miss Kay can do whatever she wants to do. I just want to be able to go and whenever I want, just pee off my front porch. Well I don’t care how much money you got. Okay. People going to be offended and that is rightfully so you, you can’t do whatever you want to do on your front porch. You can’t do whatever you want to do cause you’re going to be offended. And we, we have developed, and I’ve got this in my next book that I’m working on because it gets into trust and things like this. We have developed an attack style of mentality that we think that everybody has a negative intent and they don’t. We attack people and I don’t know if you Google the Missouri Mizzou communications professor who literally attacked a young Asian photographer for taking pictures at a rally and she thought, she calls me, she needs a muscle over here. I’m like, wait a minute. You’re assuming right away because this tells me how you think this is how you’re primed and this how you project onto the world. Which honestly I think you might need to be assessed. Okay. But you seem to think because somebody’s offended you that they had negative intent and that now you’re going to attack and you’ve got every right. No, most people have positive intent. This month I got accused of using a racial shorter because I talked about the old days when I was growing up and I showed a picture of monkey bars.

Scott Warrick:: (20:06)

I had an African American woman got really upset and she put on there that I was offensive should never be allowed back cause that’s a racial swore. And I’m like, honestly, I’ve never heard that one before. So you are absolutely right. We are developing an attack stock. And again, we’re human. And, and again, let me just make this fairly clear. I am dealing, I’m representing different people pro bono because they are being sexually harassed at work or racially harassed at work. Uh, and I’ll tell you, I’m not an employee, an employee or attorney or an employee E attorney. I represent people who I believe are right. That’s what I decide and that’s who I protect. But all these folks that got protections, I will tell you there are people that if you compliment somebody’s hair, Oh, you had negative intent or use the term monkey bars or something like this and they’ll find the George on, you know, you’re right. We’ve got to get some humanity, but we gotta stop and take that five seconds and think, do you think this person had negative intent or positive intent? And most people really have positive intent. They really do. Some people don’t, but most people do.

Jim Rembach: : (21:17)

Yeah, most definitely. Now I think with, with that, um, you talk about three styles of communication that kind of can, you know, give a lens into what you were talking about in regards to this reactionary, uh, you know, behavior that we have or you know, even going in stonewalling piece. Look, you can’t talk about those three styles.

Scott Warrick:: (21:36)

Yeah. And, and just picture a baseball diamond, cause honestly, 60% of the brain is visual. Okay. And I always love this one. I’m a visual learner. Why don’t you and 7 billion other people on the planet. Okay. Cause uh, which we’re all wired at the basic, the same. Okay. Uh, and I’ll tell you just for your listeners, go Google the human genome project. We’re all related. Now let’s leave it at that. That’s why we’re all wired the same. But fight or flight, okay. We are all hardwired to attack into retreat. And my stereotypical people that I use for this Simon cow, okay. Now I don’t know what he’s like in his personal life, but he has this stereotypical reputation for being an attack. Okay. Well, we all know people who are tell it like it is. I’m an honest person, a or you just have to understand, I feel very strongly about this, which gets back to the point you were making.

Scott Warrick:: (22:32)

If I feel strongly about this, I got a right to rip your head off. No. Okay. That will end very badly for you. Alright? And I will tell you, you attack a human, and I’ll tell you this stuff, you ever attack, if you, you’re taking your life into your hands. Human animal is why is seven times more likely to kill you and all other 1024 mammals on the planet? We are seven times more deadly than any other animal on the planet. We kill for form. Okay? So that’s our fight. Now, most people that you and I know, and I call them, those are the attackers. Most people that you know and I know are nice people. Their aunt B from the, the the Andy old Andy Griffith show. So all your gen liars and gen Z are probably gonna have to Google that or do some research on TD land.

Scott Warrick:: (23:30)

Okay? Oh, you just offended an entire group. I just picked on the gen Z years and they were not blessed with the Andy Griffith show like I was growing up, but she’s so nice. Oh, she’s so sweet. She bakes pies. She’s an evil heartbeat. Okay. Every time there’s a conflict, she’s a nice person. I’ll smile to your face and then at the same time, I will go sit with my own bitty friend, my old city friend, Clara at the kitchen table and talk about her behind her back. Okay. That’s what I call retreating. Those are the passive aggressive. Now I’m kind of half tongue and cheek, but I will tell you, give me an attacker any day that the coach, they’re easy to coach because it’s like you just yelling to an employee. Yeah. If y’all know this employee, would you talk to a customer like that? Would you talk to the CEO like that?

Scott Warrick:: (24:25)

Well, no. Then what makes you think we’re going to let you talk to the biggest part of our budget like that and the people who execute our strategic goals? No, they’re actually easy. Okay. And I’ve never met an attacker that I didn’t send for a psychological assessment because I want him to get better. It’s not an insult. I want them to get better readers. Okay? And I want you to think of all the problems, number one, cause of divorce right there. It’s really funny, since the book came out, I’ve got a couple of conferences and sessions to do with marriage counselors and I’m like, you kind of understand I’m a lawyer. I’m kinda like the opposite of like marriage counseling. And they said no. So you got it. It’s, it’s, people said it. Marriage counseling at 100 bucks an hour. Talk about things. They should have been talking about the kitchen table for the last five years.

Scott Warrick:: (25:15)

And I want you to think how evil you are. An enabler. And I’ll tell you, I’ve got a real passion for this right here. Just nothing irritates me more than a passive aggressive. I think Jerry Sandusky, very Sandusky, uh, was caught in 1971. Okay. So I love this in the digital age, if you think you’re going to hide anything, forget it. Okay. In 1971 Penn state settle a child molestation case on behalf of Jerry Sandusky didn’t fire him. He wasn’t caught by the Patriot news until 2011. Now I ask all my audiences, it’s like okay and in the book, okay for that 40 year period, who’s responsible for all those little boys who were raped, if all the people who knew and didn’t do anything about it. So, and I’ll tell you right now from a legal perspective, my hats off to the EOC, I usually don’t compliment the federal government but uh, I’ll tell you their new guidelines for keeping harassment and bullying out of the workplace.

Scott Warrick:: (26:24)

They say you got to have bystander intervention and I agree with that 100%. If you’re going to stand by and watch somebody get sexually harassed, somebody get racially harassed or God help you, somebody who is yelling slurs at somebody cause they have a disability. Oh my. Um, if you didn’t get involved, you’re, you’re in trouble too. And I don’t know if you are watching the series or anything. See the New York Yankee fans yelling all kinds of disabilities, slurs at the Astros pitcher who is suffering from anxiety and depression. I will tell you right now, there is no difference in this world of yelling a disability slur at somebody and using the N word or the B word, the C word, the D word, whatever word you want, every bit is bad. So see now you kind of see why you don’t move up in our careers. We’re not happy cause we’re not addressing.

Jim Rembach: : (27:20)

Yeah. And so you talk about how we can actually, you know, moving up how we can, you know, so it’s EEQ it’s understanding itself back to realization, the realization, you know, doing some of that understanding your brain and how your brain works and we all, the reality is we all either need a coach, you know, or you know, a physician, you know, to help us to make sure that we’re working at our optimal level. We have all these things in society that are just fighting against us, which includes our diets. I mean, all of these things. I mean, all these people are talking about anxiety. We medicate the heck out of them. We don’t, we don’t help them, you know, really work through them and become their best. And there’s all these different factors that just keep compounding. Now one of the things that you’re offering as a way to kind of help us through that is the verbal G you talked about it and you mentioned it. Help us understand what [inaudible]

Scott Warrick:: (28:07)

perfect segue. That is the middle road. Don’t move to the left. Don’t move to the right cause both of those will be your undoing. They’ll be bad for you. So what do we want to do? First of all, and this is a, I know this is a really controversial topic. You have to be honest. And we all grew up with lying parents that were driving someplace or Oh yeah, well you know, daddy had this removed or aunt Betty had this. Don’t talk about this. Okay. And don’t mention this, but okay, first of all, I have a relationship with folks. Okay, so you’re going to be on, and that right there, I’ll tell you, that’s the hard part. The EEQ first base. I have had executives where I almost literally have to grab them by the scuff of the collar and drag them down the hall just to go in and address an issue with an employee.

Scott Warrick:: (28:57)

Okay. And we’ve all been there. I get these calls where somebody has been not doing their job or whatever for months. I got this one client, that gym down in Tennessee, he goes, Oh, she’s terrible employee. She’s just awful. She’s been doing this and this and this. It’s been six months. Can I fire her? And I’ll say, well have you, have you talked to her when you talk to her? What did she say? Oh I haven’t talked to her yet cause I don’t wanna upset her. Can I fire her? And I’m just, okay so you see this big hump right there. And so, okay, so what do I do once I sit down? He, he all are and understand, I like simple concepts. Very simple cause think about it, I got clients that range 10 employees to 50,000 okay. How are you going to get the same concept through to everybody?

Scott Warrick:: (29:51)

I can tell you getting it through to 10 people is difficult. Okay, so what do we do? All you do, you got to go talk to them and use your EPR skills. So the first thing you do, and I always use this as an example, always take a chair with me when I train because I have to sit in a chair. I like to sit back and just sort of relax and say, use my EPR skills, which starts with empathic listening. You know, we’re having a bit of a problem with this project or you know, your attendance has kind of been a problem or I understand there’s a problem between you and Sally, what’s happening.

Scott Warrick:: (30:26)

The key is bringing up the issue in shutting up. Okay? So EPR is just like CPR and it’s so easy to remember. But I’ll tell you, if you’re ever in a clash and we’re in a conflict with the customer or relative, your spouse, your kids, an employee, you sit down, bring it up and then shut up. Okay, because let’s just talk about the customer service or you got an employee, he’s really upset. If somebody is really upset, that means their brain is flooding with adrenaline and cortisol. Okay? Uh, which means you’re damaging your brain. You ever noticed that when you get flustered and frustrated and you can’t remember stuff, that’s because your emotional system, your medulla is, are connected. Sitting right beside, right behind your hippocampus, your short term memory transmitter, so all that cortisol and adrenaline, that’s your flooding is literally burning and frying your hippocampus. That’s why we lose our short term memory by our forties and 50s.

Scott Warrick:: (31:29)

We’ll do that. Don’t do that. The brain, the neurons in your brain have a life expectancy of 120 years. Never lose your short term memory ever. You should be on your deathbed. Your body will give out first, but we lose our short term memory because we treat our brains like soccer ball and don’t understand this blasting. It’s killing you so that I’m burn off that adrenaline. That’s what I’m pathic listening does and slow them down. You probably tell I’m a pretty fast talker. I just am hyper, but when I’m coaching somebody, I’ll say, no, let me just, I’ll slow it down and say, okay, just tell me what’s happening cause I want that five seconds to kick in for the frontal lobes and, and when they’re done. Also, here’s a novel concept. You might learn something.

Scott Warrick:: (32:16)

I’ll tell you, I learned a long time ago when I was a young attorney. Um, you know peop people a lie. Clients lie. If you go charging in with guns blazing, you can look like an idiot real quick. So I listen, I might learn something and I’ll tell you I’ve been mediating for 30 years. The next step is the P. okay? Paradigm. Now think what I’m saying. Active listening is really good. Empathic listening is, it goes one step further and think we sort of, I always like to play with the gen Z years and gen wires a little bit. Anybody under the age of 30 or early thirties because here’s something to think about. If I’m, I’m 58 years old, okay? If I’m going to sit there and talk to someone who was a young female, 22 years old, inner city, let’s say, never been to college.

Scott Warrick:: (33:12)

You think we have a different perspective on? Of course we do. Right? I was born in 1960. Okay. I saw president get shot on national television. Okay. Um, very different perspective from somebody who was born 1980, uh, 1990. So you see what I’m doing here? I got to listen. Not from your perspective, my perspective, but I got to listen from her perspective. Okay? So, and I got to repeat it back. So when she’s done E P I would say, okay, let me make sure I got this. I’ll make sure I’m tracking it. You’re telling me that this is a problem because of this and this and this. Now I understand. Okay. So if she says no. Okay, tell me again cause there’s something I missed. I got to repeat this to your satisfaction. Okay. Now, I’ll tell you the mediating for 30 years. And let me tell you, here’s one of my tricks I ever go in to mediate between labor and management or between one person and other person. First thing I’m going to do is I’m going to say, okay, I want someone on this side over here to tell me where this side’s coming from to their satisfaction. No one’s ever been able to do it, not Watson 30 years. Cause if they could, I wouldn’t be there.

Jim Rembach: : (34:33)

And I think another thing when you said going back to the whole neurology of the acute is, especially when you start talking about some of the younger generations, that whole prefrontal executive decision making part of the brain hasn’t been developed. I mean, if they’re in their, you know, teens, late teens, early twenties and needless to say, we preteen and they don’t understand consequences and they don’t understand, you know, if they do something, what could be the effect of that and the magnitude and impact and, and so it’s not that you’re being demeaning in any way when you’re engaging or trying to use your EPR skills. It’s just that you’re talking about their perspective. You know, there’s some brain issues as far as development goes that are there that maybe not be there.

Scott Warrick:: (35:13)

Yeah. Right. Now, think about this. I’ve never met somebody over the age of 40. They didn’t want to go back and talk to a 20, 25 year old them. Yeah, absolutely. Right. And I’ll tell you, insurance companies know this. Have you ever tried to insure a teenage driver?

Jim Rembach: : (35:31)

Yeah. Well we don’t need to talk about that. We’ve had, we’ve doubled insurance bill for my 16 year old, so let’s not go there. We’ll skip that conversation.

Scott Warrick:: (35:39)

My 21 year old, a be 22 in March, we pay as much to ensure him straight a student. I estate, uh, never been in an accident, never gotten it. We pay more for him than we do. My wife, my oldest son and me. Okay. So now having said that, you’re actually right, uh, a young woman we know today and we all know there’s always like, well that’s, that’s, that’s, that’s awfully, you know, scary. Typical girls develop earlier than boys. They do 25 year old for girl develop their frontal lobes. 28 for most guys. I’m sorry, we guys are waiting. Now think about this. You graduate medical school before you got your frontal lobes. That is scary stuff. Okay. So yeah, because, but then again, I’ll tell you one thing. Older people like me don’t like to hear technology is always gonna win. Look what we’re doing right now.

Scott Warrick:: (36:36)

The cell phones technology will help. So these kids and to me, anybody under the age of 30 is a kid cause they’re just like trying not to frontal lobes for the first time. Okay. Maybe I see something they don’t see. But I’ll tell you from a, from a uh, community communication and from a digital standpoint, maybe there’s something I don’t understand. So absolutely. Now that’s the diversity in collar or tolerance type of topic. So E, P. E. P. E. P. I will have clients on the phone to explain pretty complicated situations. I mean, I got unlimited notes on my phone. Unlimited. Okay. So I can easily spend three hours on the phone with a client and I’ll tell you, I will eat, pee you to death. Cause I’ll say, okay, let me make sure I got this cause I gotta make sure I’m tracking. Now think of the mistake we usually make.

Scott Warrick:: (37:28)

I have control of myself. So I’ve made it to first base. Hardest thing you’ll ever do. I’m not attacking, not retreating, I’m honest. So I’m addressing the issue going into second base. Here’s a mistake we typically make. You know, it’s like, Jim, I want to help you. I want to help you. So okay, you’re late to work. Let me explain to you what the problems are. Or you have this conflict, here’s what you’re doing wrong. I’m thinking, Hey, as long as I’m, I’m just trying to help you. As long as I’m just explaining to you what you need to do, everything will be fine. Okay? Look at the disrespect. Okay. I didn’t ask you your side. I didn’t ask your opinion. Our best of intentions are going to blow up on us. So EPA and then we go to the R. yeah, we’re gone. Okay, good.

Scott Warrick:: (38:18)

We’ll wrap it up. Big boy. Okay. Cause this really people, and I’ll tell you this is not common in today’s society. I’m going to say something else. Absolutely shatter. Other people were allowed to have their opinions. It doesn’t make you stupid because somebody else disagrees on gun control or something. So if I disagree with you, you’re dealing with a human and I will tell you when you study the neurology, never forget that human can turn on you and 17 thousands of a second and it’s their self esteem. So if I agree with you, you’re happy. If I disagree with you, I say I give you a reward or reward as a validation that you have a right to your opinion. So I would say, you know, I see what you’re saying or you know, I’ve heard that before and I see where you’re coming from but I disagree.

Scott Warrick:: (39:12)

Or what about this? And, and I love this because I have relatives who have very different political opinions from mine and I use these EPR skills on them all the time. And it’s funny because my wife says, you know, I can always tell when you’re going to do that EPR thing. I said, why? She goes, she goes, cause you always sit back, cross your arms and cock your head. And I’m like yeah cause I’m trying to be relaxed. Okay, if I’m relaxed, there’ll be relaxed. What we talk about politics and religion all the time. And think about this, I always throw this out, I think I mentioned it in the book, you know, talk about politics and religion at work. And people go, Oh my God, Oh my God, wait a minute. Politics and religion, you have an opinion, you got a right to your opinion, but it isn’t going to affect your life this second. Highly emotional, but the this very second, it won’t do that. You’re gonna talk to someone about their job. Oh that’s 10 times more dangerous. And that helps to explain the 38,000 physical assaults. The OSHA says we get an American workplaces every week. If you are critical.

Jim Rembach: : (40:19)

And you know, there’s another thing that you, that we talk about in the book that I think is critically important and that is that we should never use the word soft skills and because is that, you know, we use that because we just don’t know how to measure these things because they have significant impact. They are measurable and we can make a difference. And, and maybe we’ll go on that on another show because you and I are having so much fun. We need to keep rolling. But um, one of the things that I think is critically important for us to, you know, be attentive to in all of this is that it takes practice. Yes. Know, like getting better baseball it takes,

Scott Warrick:: (40:54)

yeah, that’s that muscle memory or what I would talk about, which really you’re rewiring your brain. Um, I was telling my, my clients, it’s like, okay, you’re going to have a difficult conversation with somebody. Talk to yourself in the car. Your brain moves at 268 miles an hour. You can talk at 50. Okay. Or role play with somebody. Okay. But you hit it right on the head. We got to practice it to get it into our, into our automatic reaction and, and I’ll tell you there’s no, like you mentioned, there’s no such thing as a personality conflict. Never, never. That tells me you can’t diagnose it. It is always first, which means I got an attacker or a retreat or so you can pinpoint it and fix it. Or I got somebody who’s not using their EPR skills. It’s always going to be something like that. But you hit it right on the head. Absolutely. These are no set. When somebody says soft skills, what that tells me is there’s not going to be definable skills for people to use. And honestly, training should never be like that. It should always be defined. This is what you do and it’s gotta be simple that you implement this into your culture. Everybody does it.

Jim Rembach: : (42:07)

Now, one of the things that we also do in this show is we learned from others by them sharing their stories. And you even said the word pump pump a little while back. And that’s what we talk about is getting over the hump. Uh, you know, it helps us, you know, to learn and, and hopefully go in a better direction. There’s a ton that you’ve gotten over the hump that you can share.

Scott Warrick:: (42:24)

Oh, mine. Um, you know, honestly, I, I put this in the book and I teach this stuff because I, I, I, I have to use it. I tell you that. Absolutely. I mean, every day is another home every day. Um, uh, I’ll tell ya, I’ve had more situations come up where these skills have saved me or, well, and again, you cannot have a relationship with someone who does not communicate with you. Okay. So, Oh yeah. I’ve got a horrendous situation I’m going through. I did. I, uh, I, uh, um, it’s a free clinic association here in Ohio and I’ve done stuff with them for seven years, great relationship, wonderful people. And then all of a sudden they just stopped communicating with me and they stopped choosing me for their sessions. And so I’m sure back in and said, Hey, um, I know I was turned down for your last session.

Scott Warrick:: (43:20)

I usually, you have me there. Um, you know, are there other topics you’re looking for? You know, are there other topics you’re looking for? And I never heard that nine months. This goes on and then I find out typical we’re talking about, apparently I said something and nobody can remember what it was. I said that offended two people out of about 60. And, and I’m like, okay, well you understand. That’s the very definition of hypersensitivity. Uh, I look, I understand if you don’t want to use me anymore, I mean that’s your choice. But I would like to know what it was. I said that was so offensive. Didn’t hear anything. Wrote back to the president, didn’t hear anything, wrote back to him again, didn’t hear anything. And so I said, look, I’m not hearing anything to you. I’m going to let my clients know the people who have to get on my distribution list.

Scott Warrick:: (44:13)

You would’ve had to have given me your card. That’s the only way. I don’t go out and buy lists or anything. You would have had to have given me your card or requested to be on it. So I said, look, I’m going to send out a note to all the folks that if they want to hear me, cause I got a lot of folks that come to my sessions, my sessions are full at your sessions, at your conferences, but I’m gonna let them know I’m not going to be there anymore. And I’m really upset about it. I, I wanted to work this out so I sent this out and it is just absolutely amazing to me. Uh, I let my clients know, but you see here we go. I have lost a lot of sleep. I have been meditating more because it really bothers me that this is a situation that I couldn’t rectify cause I’m one hand clapping.

Scott Warrick:: (45:00)

So I got actually on my website. You just, how strongly I feel about it. I’ve got a meditation recording there. I found this great British guy who’s Indian with this wonderful accent. I’m telling you, I’ve been meeting, I got a meditation mat in my office and a lot of that is over the distress over this stuff. So it’s a real hump for me cause it’s like, um, I better take care of my brain because this is going to really, it really did bother me but there was no saving it if your aunt Lee but Oh yeah, I’m really into the brain care and the EEQ and I think that if I hadn’t been as cognizant and stop and think I’d have said something really stupid cause I’m not just upset, I’m really mad. But Hey, that’s life. Right? That’s what happens.

Jim Rembach: : (45:45)

Well, uh, I can I, you know, you and I have also talked about the fact that you’re, again, another things we share is work. We study this stuff because we have our own issues to try to get through it and we’re trying to deepen our sense of understanding and awareness. And it’s a constant journey. It’s a journey. Okay. Now, okay, best literal age and we’re talking to Scott work and we’ll be back in a moment with the hump day. Hoedown now before we move on, let’s get a quick word from our sponsor.

Speaker 3: (46:13)

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Scott Warrick:: (47:03)

constant struggle to remain sane. Um, I honestly, I live this stuff. Uh, I drink half of my weight and water and ounces every day. Whole regimen of vitamins, uh, meditation, all of it. And as I get older, it is harder and harder. The brain recovers faster when you’re 30 than when you’re 60. But I am training right now for 80. And um, it’s, it’s a constant type of thing. I got to physically make myself get up from my desk and go and take care of my brain and it’s, it’s, it’s more important than your feet.

Jim Rembach: : (47:34)

What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

Scott Warrick:: (47:37)

I had a client years ago from the South down Alabama and all this stuff was coming out with email and email was the cutting edge back then. And he said, do you know, he said, I know this is all real good and everything, but you know, there is never going to be a replacement for talking to people. He’s right. And texts are everything. That’s great and everything. But I will tell you we’re still human. Yep. Got it.

Jim Rembach: : (48:05)

And what do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life?

Scott Warrick:: (48:10)

I think the best thing that I’ve been able to work on, and let me just preface this, I’m a PTSD survivor. I had my brain scan back in the two thousands in 2008 actually, and it was a mass and I worked really hard to, to improve it, rebuild it. And I went back for a followup scan in 2011 and it’s about 90% clear now. So I really value that. The best thing I’m most proud of is I’m able to relax when I need to relax. And I’m able to know when to lead to, to leave, uh, because I’ve got a healthy brain now. And that’s honestly, that’s probably one of the best things I got.

Jim Rembach: : (48:51)

And what would be one book that you’d recommend to our Legion? It can be from any genre. Of course, we’re going to put a link to solve employee problems before they start on your show notes page as well.

Scott Warrick:: (49:00)

Honestly, anything by Daniel Goleman, Daniel Goleman wrote it. I read it. Yeah.

Jim Rembach: : (49:08)

Okay. Best literal Legion. You can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fast leader.net/scott work. Okay, Scott, this is my last hump day. Hold on question. Imagine you had the opportunity to go back to the age of 25 and you could take all the knowledge and skills that you have now back with you, but you can’t take it all. You can only take one. So what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why?

Scott Warrick:: (49:31)

Oh, EEQ everything. DQ, it’s first base and that’s brain health. You can’t separate the two. But I would go back to a 25 year old me and say, look, you, you, you, you really aren’t that tough. But soldiers are tough. Maybe seals are tough, but they damage their brain. So tell you what, you need to take more time away from the desk. You need to cut clients loose. You need to take care of your brain. It’s not your body. It’s your brain. Actually. Your body is just a, uh, portable device or a portable instrument for your brain. Takes your body or your brain around, take care of your brain. You’re going to be so much happier because in another 20 years you’re going to be crazy and you don’t want to do that. So that’s the one piece of understand and learn. ECU and brain health.

Jim Rembach: : (50:23)

Scott, I’ve had fun with you. How do people get in touch with you?

Scott Warrick:: (50:26)

I have, my website’s got word.com that’s all they need to know.

Jim Rembach: : (50:29)

Scott, work. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom and the fast leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump.