Edwina Cowell

140: Edwina Cowell: When people show you who they are believe them

Intro Welcome to the Fast Leader Podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.

The number one thing that contributes to customer loyalty is emotions. So, move onward and upward faster by gaining significantly deeper insight and understanding of your customer journey and personas with emotional intelligence. With your empathy mapping workshop you’ll learn how to evoke and influence the right customer emotions that generate improved customer loyalty and reduce your cost to operate. Get over your emotional hump now by going to empathymapping.com to learn more. 

Jim Rembach:   Okay, Fast Leader Legion today I’m excited because I have somebody on the show today who’s really going to help us focus in on some, I guess, critical connections really now that we have to make. Edwina Cowell was born in Chicago and raised in Lincolnwood, Illinois. Her polish Catholic family was solidly middle class with a blue-collar dad that was a WWII veteran and a tool and die maker. Her mother was a mighty 5′ tall mom who raised the kids and took care of the house. without ever learning to drive a car. Edwina and her sister went to school and stayed close to home throughout their early years. Her sister studied psychology at University of Illinois Chicago and Edwina studied Philosophy and Theology at Felician College in Chicago.

As she ventured into the world, Edwina had many jobs and dove into each and every one with enthusiasm, pride and the strong work ethic she inherited from her parents. Her first job in the deli led to her promotion to catering coordinator in a year. Then a friend landed her a summer job at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange where she worked her way up to pit broker and then, in just a few years, bought her own seat and she traded on the floor for 17 years and was one of only 4 women in a pit of 300 men. In 1989, she founded a non-profit C.A.R.E. has sheltered cared for and place thousands of homeless animals. She also owns and operates her own successful interiors business but even all of these was not enough for Edwina. 

When her first son was 7, she and her friends were all struggling with organized religion in how to “raise” their kids. She realized that discussions about life, god, forgiveness, gratitude and love were not taking place in many people’s homes. Those subjects were out-sourced to a “teacher” once a week on Sundays for 45 minutes and no one was giving kids the context of teaching them about the other religions of the world.  This didn’t sit well with her so she went about the business of creating something entirely new to bring those conversations home and make them broader and more inclusive so that kids could have a more realistic picture of the world and become critical thinkers.

In 2007, Spiritual Playdate was launched. A fresh and exciting program that is now accessible online by families, teachers and houses of worship worldwide. Edwina currently resides in the Chicago area with her husband Hal of 32 years and her 2 teenage sons. Edwina Cal are you ready to help us get over the hump? 

Edwina Cowell:    I am so ready to get you guys over the hump. 

Jim Rembach:   I appreciate having you here. I’ve given our Legion a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we can get to know you even better?

Edwina Cowell:    Sure. My current passion has to do with my program spiritual playdate and the expansion of just a new way of communicating and connecting with each other not just with our children but with we as adults it’s time that we start talking to each other thinking more critically about all of our ideas that have been delivered to us and that we question some of our some of our upbringing and some of these traditions that we’ve had for a long time. So my particular passion has moved just not just from spiritual playdate but actually into the idea of the golden rule of which there are twenty two versions of the Golden Rule, twenty two different religions have a version of the golden rule. 

The golden rule isn’t, I’ll be nice to you you’d be nice to me and that’s how we teach it we teach it as do unto others as you’d like them to do unto you. But if you look at all twenty two versions of this golden rule and you boil it down what it says is you and I come from the same source whatever you want to call that source we return to that source we’re the same if I hurt you I hurt me and when I help you I lift us both up I lift us all up. And so that has really become my passion through spiritual playdate and through everything else that I do through my other business and through my life relationships it is about win-win relationships it’s about starting to really authentically treating people in a caring way and thinking about how to relate to people so that people don’t walk away feeling like they’ve been taken advantage of. Whether that’s boss-employee husband-wife parent-child it’s really, really important that we start to treat each other differently. And that boils down to some of these teachings that come through all these spiritual wisdoms. 

Jim Rembach:   Thanks for sharing that. One of the reasons why I wanted to have you on this show is because when I look at many of the people who I’ve had as guests on the show I start seeing a lot how things are just really are interconnected. Dr. K.H. Kim talked us having a creativity problem and it goes into us not being able to make these connections in the way that our education system is actually structured and we can’t get these things fixed, right? Why? Because we can’t have some of these deeper conversations and move some things forward. We’re actually raising one of the loneliest generations ever because when we start thinking about, Oh what are you talking about we’re so socially connected in all these platforms? No people are connected to their own individual screens and they get isolated from society. And so with people in the workplace right now what are they told? We don’t talk about politics and religion. Well gosh, if you’re not doing that how you going to connect at a deeper level have find a sense of fit, well-being, trust so that you can actually collaborate. 

Edwina Cowell:    And I think we have come to a point now where really all this fear and this misunderstanding has been revealed. I do think something good could come out of this is now—has become time to start to understand each other. Our cultures have become intermingled to the point where we need to learn what other people think. We need to allow them to be on their path. There’s an interesting quote believe It or not, Charles Krauthammer quite a bit. He wrote an article years ago about how Republicans—I wasn’t going to get into politics—but the Republicans think Democrats are stupid and Democrats think Republicans are evil. And Democrats aren’t stupid and Republicans aren’t evil and I always take that and frame it around theism and around belief in God. Atheists think, many atheists, I don’t want to just paint it with two bat of a bash but many atheists think that theists are stupid and many theists think atheists are evil and neither is true. 

We all have these theories about how we got here where did life come from none of them are proven and none of them are disproven and until we have proof or disproof we need to allow people to explore those theories and be on their own paths. I will say that I think it is critical that we continue to question could continue to learn be truth students. And I think that’s what’s many spiritual paths and also atheist and scientific paths we’re all looking for truths that’s what we’re looking for and as long as their theories and that’s what they are at this moment we need to allow each other to be on those paths and we need to not indoctrinate our kids. We want our kids to have—many people want their kids to have a faith in something and I certainly do. But at the same time what I really want is my kid to have tools that helped him cope in life about forgiveness, gratitude, meditation, love, and understanding and connection those are the things that most people really send their kids off to Saturday is school Sunday-school for those particular things. But that’s not often what they come home with they come home with clothes and Bible studies and stories but they don’t sit and really talk about some of these things that are just critical throughout the course of their lives and that is one of the reasons why we created spiritual playdate.

Jim Rembach:   Thanks for sharing that– what you were saying is that, and I kind of see the same thing too but I think they’re drawers required—one of the things that they say about the Lord is that he doesn’t give us  youth and wisdom at the same time. While we can get a good foundation an exposure and perspective and things like that it takes time for us to actually start putting it together and see where we fit. And that’s kind of I think some of the issue is that—and here’s a funny irony when you start thinking about all this is that one of the major things that younger folks look for in an organization to work for is they look for purpose. Purpose is an extremely important component in two ways to attract talent and then to retain top talent.

If people don’t feel that they’re far part of a bigger purpose that’s the revolving door right there, I don’t believe in this I don’t have a connection I’m not engaged with it and so you know what? Oh, you’re going to pay me $0.50 cents more an hour or you’re going to pay me a hundred dollars more a week I’m out of here, there’s just not going to be any connection. If we’re not getting to them when their young they’re young they’re seeking it when they’re older but if we don’t talk about some of these things and really connect with the individuals at their level because we can’t talk about politics, we talk about religion, how are we going to find purpose? We’ve got to push past those barriers. So, what would you suggest that people do in order to help them kind of break this malaise?

Edwina Cowell:    Well I think, we as a culture—again it’s sort of goes back to everything being separate. Capitalism is sort of undergoing what a lot of economists would like to see as a reformation. A lot of economists believe that capitalism has led us down there have been some pretty frightening things that we’ve gone through that we’ve been set up for. One of the ways around that many people believe is to have more conscious corporations more communities that tie back more business communities that tie back to their communities. And you see it in a lot of different ways. Now you see people collecting money or people working in other countries businesses that have—perfect example is there’s a company called Interphase and it’s part of a carpeting company and they have gone out into third-world island countries and they’re paying the community there to retrieve plastic driftnets from the ocean then they take those driftnets and they recycle it into new carpeting. Okay, now that’s a connection that is that win/win kind of attitude there’s a purpose. Individual purpose I think is different than people being connected and looking for ways to create wins for their community and not just affect their bottom line. We happen to be an L3C. Okay, an L3C is a new designation, it’s not a 501C3 which is a non- profit and it’s not a corporation it is a hybrid between the two. 

Jim Rembach:   I think it’s about 6 or 7 years old it’s legal in all 50 states and what they call it is the corporation with the soul of a non-profit. And it’s a structure that allows for sustainability. It allows for us to not be beholden to our bottom line but beats beholden to our mission. So, it doesn’t mean that you so it doesn’t mean that you can’t make money it doesn’t mean you can’t make money it doesn’t mean you can have assets it’s set up more like a corporation. But what it does mean is that your mission supersedes your bottom line. So, just because you can make an extra 0.50 cents doing this doesn’t mean you do it. Is it serving community? What is your mission? 

We’re very excited about this it is still quite new but we’re very excited about this because we feel like this has great potential in the world for companies to be sustainable. I’ve been a volunteer, I’m a recovering volunteer I started the 501C3 in 1990 something whatever, but you know what? I’m tired I’m tired of begging for money. I am tired of volunteering and not getting paid people that work deserve to be paid they deserve to be paid so that they can still sustain their own lives and communities and families. I really think we have to shift a lot of these thinking the things that are letting us down we have to be innovative. We have to be innovative in business. We have to be innovative with our companies. You are seeing it more and more there are more companies out there connecting back in looking for ways to not just not just earn a solid prosperous living but also better the world. Create community. Help people. That’s what we need to do and that is purpose—personal purpose as well as purpose for business.

Jim Rembach:   Yeah. There was a phrase that I saw that to me just kind of fits this perfectly and saying how people no longer are looking to work for the company that is the best in the world they’re looking to work for companies that are the best for the world. 

Edwina Cowell:    I love that. 

Jim Rembach:   And I do too. And I think that’s something that when I start thinking about my own kids that I want to teach them and when they start looking for potential places to work or even careers for that matter I want to teach them that, hey, is this company one of the ones that are better for the world  because that’s where you’re going to find connection and that’s where you’re going to find passion and that’s where you’re going to find fulfilment and that’s where you’re going to give your all and feel like it was well worth it, not that you’re being taken advantage of like you were saying.

Edwina Cowell:    I totally agree.

Jim Rembach:   So when you start thinking about the Spiritual Playdate and going through that and I can imagine there was just so much learning that went on from those mothers that were starting on that living room floor but when you start you’re looking at the particular program and the impacts that has had, what would you say have been one of the surprises.

Edwina Cowell:    I think the surprise without a doubt is how much I have learned about myself and how much my ideas have evolved. And for me, again, this was our first—Playdate on the living-room floor was almost 12 years ago now probably. It’s so interesting to me, I mean where the world is now versus the world then and where—just even the term interface, which was a word that nobody even knew what it meant and there were some clergy getting together on an occasion. Interfaith is enormous buzz word right now because of all the problems that we have around religion and if religion is to survive in any shape or form we have got to find a way for us all to, I think for me the path that it’s put me on, again it was just sort of started out of a need. The path that it’s put me on is surprising every day because for example I’m here right now and I feel like I have such a clear vision of my purpose at this stage of life which I have to be honest I don’t think a lot of people necessarily do. I ought to be an empty-nester and most empty-nesters, not most empty-nesters just many empty nesters, struggle with what that next chapter looks like. And I think I have a very clear vision of what my next chapter is starting to shape up to be. So, I think that’s probably my biggest surprise but I always am amazed at how all these experience continue to shape my thinking and bring me to a new place and expose me to new ideas and new people and new experiences in my life, it’s very exciting.

Jim Rembach:       Definitely all of this that we’re talking about everything from the workplace, the loneliness, the connection, the spiritual all this stuff is just wrapped in so much powerful emotion. And one of the things that we do on the show is we look for quotes to kind of help us give us that energy. Is there a quote or two that you can share?

Edwina Cowell:    I have many quotes. I’m going to say the quote and then I’m going to explain why I think this is my quote and then I’m going to say the quote again. Okay, my quote would be, “It is the question that enlightens and not the answer.” The reason that I feel that this is so important is this is our philosophy with Spiritual Playdate. So, Spiritual Playdate our conversations for parents to have and activities and meditations and all these other things that’s all delivered online. Simply you go to whatever topic you want to, open it up and it’s all there for parents, educators but it’s done in a Socratic method it’s done in a script of questions. Okay, you don’t need to have the answer and your kids don’t need to have the answer and you don’t need to dictate the answer you need to ask the question. What is God? What do you think heaven is? What do you think hell? What does forgiveness mean? Can you forgive yourself? Can you—when you start asking questions the kids start thinking about what it means to them. 

First of all, I will tell you that most of the adults that were taking this they’re always surprised at how many ideas the kids actually have that we’re not aware of. But when you just deliver whether it’s theology or anything you’re just sort of—I think I’ve mentioned this before but I had this  conversation with a friend and a colleague and he was saying it’s getting harder for me to put my kids in a situation where we sit them down and tell them this is what you believe. And I thought that that was so fascinating because if you really just take that phrase that’s what we’ve been doing with kids in that situation. I will sit down in a classroom and I was told this is what you believe this is what is happening in the universe and this is what is true. I allowed to question it I wasn’t allowed to think about it I wasn’t allowed to weigh in on it and like many teenagers who start to think more critically I ran away from a lot of those ideas with my hair on fire when I 18 and I rejected it all. And I’d said that’s nonsense I don’t believe any of that. So, my quote again about—you know we always wonder why our teenagers, for lack of a better phrase it not bright? We can’t even believe that they can’t think sometimes. But we tell them to do something as opposed to asking them to think about something and getting them to figure out the answer and that light bulb goes on and then they go do it. Instead of just preaching at our kids and I do mean preaching in all fashions and I don’t I just mean—and this is true for employees this is true for adult to adult conversations where you disagree, asking questions that is really where the enlightenment comes. It’s where we start to be creative and thinking be more critical in thinking because it turns our brains on. A teen, his brains shut off, an employee that’s in a cubicle just doing data—their brains are shut off they’re just going through the motions. When you start asking questions their brains turn on. And so that is one of my favorite and it has influenced me greatly through Spiritual Playdate and it was very important to us to not predispose any of these beliefs to kids or adults or anybody else to ask questions about them. 

Jim Rembach:   When you start thinking about all of this is that like I think you kind of said it, there’s a lot of humps that you’ve gotten over in order to be able to get to where you are today. You also talked about the multiple businesses you’re obviously a creative thinker it’s always have to stay in motion and you have a huge heart wanting to help a lot of ways including animals. But there’s a lot of teachings and learnings from, like you said yourself, gone on along the way. Is there a time where you’ve had to get over the hump that you can share with us? 

Edwina Cowell:    Yes. I can. I would say that that was probably several years ago. When we were starting up our digital program we signed on and started the web development and we had a small group our staff our team was three or four at that time it’s still not a very large group but it’s larger than that but at the time everybody was very involved in everything because it was it was a very creative process at the beginning and we were starting our web development. And we had laid out some decent money for our web site we and we encountered a web developer who I saw some flags early on of him being kind of a little disrespectful and defensive and angry and I ignore those flags. The situation continued to escalate and escalate and escalate and we got a website out of it. 

At that time I think I was worried that we had put down all this money and we weren’t going to get through this I was going to have to start over and so I was wrestling with this. Do I just cut bait? What do I do? And so I hung in there and it was kind of ugly and he was so disrespectful to some of my team and everybody every meeting felt—everything we were doing was just dreaded. We got through the entire thing, got our website and within six months realized we had to have the entire website rebuilt and spend the money to have it redone anyway. I think I got through that hump but I have a huge learning experience. When people show you who they are believe them. Just because there’s some money put down don’t let that dictate. This has cost us far more in the long run to redo everything and the timing and everything else then had I pulled the plug and walked away from that initial investment on that.  I got us through it but it wasn’t what I would do today I hope in terms of getting us all through it.

I’d sure tell that story. I started thinking, yup, because I think part of that comes down to talking about that personality wanting to help people and things like that. You wait sometimes too long and don’t pull the trigger when you need.

Jim Rembach:   The problem with that one was that it wasn’t just the money. We had already come so far with this website and you don’t want to start you don’t want to do all that—just the idea of doing all that work over again I’ve done that work over ten times getting the new site together. So, it didn’t save me anything it didn’t help our team it didn’t help that person let him know that he shouldn’t be treating people like this all of those things, it didn’t really serve anyone. I could have done it differently. I’m much more aware of that kind of thing now in terms of being protective of my team or realizing I’m in with somebody that doesn’t align with my way of treating people or my vision. 

Edwina Cowell:    I think that’s an interesting point. For me, I’ve tried to do a better job of trying to find people that I can connect with and have a respectful relationship with even if it’s commercial relationship. Me myself, I had a situation where I had to let a situation go and say, I’m not interested, because of what you were just saying. I saw the sign I saw that it was disrespect I was disregarded they saw no value in me so I’m like why should I just keep subjecting myself to this I’ll go find somebody where they will appreciate me and sometimes we don’t do that enough. When you started thinking about—I know you got a lot of things going on talking about being empty-nester, you got Spiritual Playdate, you have your interiors company, and you just have a lot of things. You may have already mentioned this but you help us understand what’s going to your big goals right now? 

Well as this has unfolded I probably wasn’t aware of the potential that this had because the climate in the world was not where it is right now. The response has always been people are just amazed they’re like, okay, this isn’t incredible this is just what we need this is—so, I’ve always gotten that response from people but I think now I see enormous potential in a paradigm shift in the way we approach all of this to the point of a global shift in the way we would connect with each other on this subject on these subjects you can sort of lump them all in together they’re all not that different. But wanting to understand really reaching out and connecting and wanting to learn more about each other and learn more about each other’s tradition about each other’s cultures. Religion is an interesting thing because it’s not just in a vacuum it’s deeply embedded in all of our cultures, You hear all kinds of people say, well imagine the world without religion but so many of our traditions have come from religious roots that it’s hard to imagine extracting it. Again I think a lot of people would say, you don’t want to extract it you want to improve it just like everything else we want it to evolve and get better. So I think my biggest goal really is, dare I say modest say, global paradigm shift in the way we approach religion with kids and with each other. 

Jim Rembach:   And the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best, Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor:

An even better place to work is an easy-to-use solution that gives you a continuous diagnostic on employee-engagement along with integrated activities that will improve employee engagement and leadership skills in everyone. Using this solution is guaranteed to create motivated, productive and loyal employees who have great working relationships with their colleagues and your customers. To learn more about an even better place to work visit beyondmorale.com/better. 

Jim Rembach:   Alright here we go Fast Leader Legion it’s time for the Hump Day Hoedown. Okay, Edwina, the Hump Day Hoedown is the part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So, I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. Edwina Cowell, are you ready to hoedown? 

Edwina Cowell:    I’m ready to hoedown.  

Jim Rembach:   What do you think is holding you back from being an even better leader today?

Edwina Cowell:    Time. Enough time. 

Jim Rembach:   What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?

Edwina Cowell:    Check your ego at the door. 

Jim Rembach:   What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?

Edwina Cowell:    Win, win relationships. 

Jim Rembach:   What do you feel is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life?

Edwina Cowell:    Win, win relationships. 

Jim Rembach:   What would be one book that you’d recommend to our listeners, and it could be from any genre, of course we’re going to put a link to Brand versus Wild, on your show notes page as. 

Edwina Cowell:    Mark Lane’s, The Mission Driven Venture. 

Jim Rembach:    Okay, Fast Leader listeners you can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going too fastleader.net/EdwinCowell. Okay, Edwina this is my last hump day hold on question. Imagine you were given the opportunity go back to the age of 25 and you’ve been given the opportunity to take the knowledge of skills that you have now back with you but you can’t take everything back you can only choose one, what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why? 

Edwina Cowell:    I think I’m repeating it probably for the fourth or fifth time. Win-win relationships. They all need to serve us. We need to serve each other and ourselves at the same time. People need to walk away from any kind of deal, business or any other relationship with a win-win feeling. 

Jim Rembach:   Edwina, it was an honor to spend time with you today can you please share with the Fast Leader legion how they can connect with you? 

Edwina Cowell:    You can reach us through www.spiritualplaydate.com or you can email me at edwina@spiritualplaydate.com.

Jim Rembach:  Edwin Cowell, thank for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the Fast Leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!

Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links from every show special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already, head on over a fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster. 

END OF AUDIO