Maryann Karinch Show Notes Page
Maryann Karinch had a mountain climbing experience that was beautiful and satisfying. Not a real mountain climbing experience, but a figurative one. Along with her partner Jim they fought a common enemy in Maryann’s cancer. It was life and relationship saving experience.
Maryann was born and raised in a place called Karinchville—no kidding. Her dad’s older brother bought cheap land during World War II and built a town on it. It grew, house by house, in the post-war years.
Her Dad was a Marine and mom was a nurse. At 94, her mom is still alive and telling Maryann what to do. Little brother was also a Marine and he is back in Karinchville making sure Mom has enough groceries.
Her neighborhood was filled with boys—her best friends growing up—so the concept of this being a “man’s world” sounded like a place where she felt comfortable. Combined with dad telling her that she could be anything but a pro football player, she didn’t see a glass ceiling. She saw an elevator. That set her up for successful ventures into professional theater, corporate marketing, business consulting, and ultimately a focus on the interpersonal skills that business people need to thrive. She writes about them and teaches them.
After earning a master’s degree in theater arts, she managed a professional theater and did some independent producing. Writing kept grabbing her attention, however, so she published a series of articles about her personal adventures, including having surgery under hypnosis instead of anesthesia and getting certified for open-water SCUBA diving. Hi-tech companies, including Apple, then snagged her to write marketing copy, press releases, white papers and other things they hoped would be provocative. From there, it was a short hop to writing full-time—mostly about human behavior. When her literary agent had a baby, that meant it was time to add a new dimension to the career and she became an agent herself. That was 15 years ago.
Maryann’s most current release is titled Control the Conversation: How to Charm, Deflect and defend Your Position.
Her current home is Estes Park, Colorado. She has four gorgeous cats and a partner named Jim McCormick, who is one of her favorite co-authors as well as a business consultant and holder of a dozen world records in skydiving.
Tweetable Quotes and Mentions
Listen to @MaryannKarinch to get over the hump on the @FastLeaderShow – Click to Tweet
“It improves our quality of life to learn and have an exchange with people.” – Click to Tweet
“A response gives you dimensions of information rather than just answering a question.” – Click to Tweet
“The other person will feel closer to you if they know more about you.” – Click to Tweet
“When you volunteer a little more depth, you open the door for the other person to tell you more as well.” – Click to Tweet
“We’re so accustomed, because of our devises, to push information that we forget that we need to receive it.” – Click to Tweet
“Just assume the best, take it from there and see what happens.” – Click to Tweet
“There’s a great shift in the non-verbal because we have a lot of cultures coming together.” – Click to Tweet
“A desire to succeed can strengthen you, but fear of failure can immobilize you.” – Click to Tweet
“All people of all types have something to share.” – Click to Tweet
Hump to Get Over
Maryann Karinch had a mountain climbing experience that was beautiful and satisfying. Not a real mountain climbing experience, but a figurative one. Along with her partner Jim they fought a common enemy in Maryann’s cancer. It was life and relationship saving experience.
Advice for others
All people of all types have something to share.
Holding her back from being an even better leader
I don’t feel held back. What is holding me back is time.
Best Leadership Advice
Servant leadership. Pay attention to other people.
Secret to Success
Best tools in business or life
I take big risks. I’m not afraid of big risks.
Control the Conversation: How to Charm, Deflect and Defend Your Position
Business Lessons from the Edge: Learn How Extreme Athletes Use Intelligent Risk Taking to Succeed in Business
Contacting Maryann Karinch
Resources and Show Mentions
Show Transcript:Click to access edited transcript
218: Maryann Karinch: Cancer helped save my relationship
Intro: Welcome to the Fast Leader podcast, where we explore convenient yet effective shortcuts that will help you get ahead and move forward faster by becoming a better leader. And now here’s your host, customer and employee engagement expert and certified emotional intelligence practitioner, Jim Rembach.
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Okay Fast Leader legion today I’m excited because we had somebody on the show today who’s going to help us really was something that is most critical to every single one of us. MaryAnn Karinch was born and raised in a place called Karinchville, no kidding. Her dad’s older brother bought cheap land during World War two and built a town on it. It grew house by house in the post-war years. Her dad was a marine and mom was a nurse. At 94, her mom is still alive and telling MaryAnn what to do. Little brother was also a marine and he is back in Karinchville making sure mom has enough groceries. Her neighborhood was filled with boys and her best friends growing up so that her concept at being in a man’s world sounded like a place where she felt comfortable. Combined with dad telling her that she could do anything but be a pro football player she didn’t see a glass ceiling she saw an elevator. That set her up for successful adventures into professional theater, corporate marketing, business consulting, and ultimately a focus on the interpersonal skills that business people need to thrive. She writes about them and teaches them. After earning a master’s degree in theater arts she managed a professional theater and did some independent producing, writing kip grabbing her attention however. So she published a series of articles about her personal adventures including having surgery under hypnosis instead of any anesthesia and getting certified for open water scuba diving. Her high-tech companies including Apple then snagged her to write marketing company, press releases, white papers, and other things they hoped would be provocative. From there it was a short stop the writing full-time mostly about human behavior. When her literary agent had a baby that meant that it was time to add a new dimension to her career and she became an agent herself. That was 15 years ago. MaryAnn’s most current release titled, Throw the Conversation: How to Charm, Deflect and Defend your Position. Her current home is Estes Park, Colorado and she has four gorgeous cats and a partner named Jim McCormack who is one of her favorite co-author as well as a business consultant and holder of a dozen World Records and skydiving. MaryAnn Karinch, are you ready to help us get over the hump?
MaryAnn Karinch: You bet. It’s great to be with you Jim.
Jim Rembach: Well, thanks I’m glad you’re here. Now I’ve given my Legion a little bit about you but can you tell us what your current passion is so that we get to know you even better?
MaryAnn Karinch: Oh, okay, my current passion is what I do—which is writing. I have a constant adventure—I always loved school and writing allows me to go way deep into all kinds of subjects and learn and keep learning and that excites me to no end.
Jim Rembach: I know you have several books that have been published. Really for you when you start thinking about all of those different titles and all those different subjects, where does this one lie in the realm of all of those that you have as far as importance and passion?
MaryAnn Karinch: What I did with Jim Pyle is at the heart of what excites me most which is understanding people and helping people do what they do better. You will ask questions and hopefully we give a complete response to those questions. What that does is that helps people get together it helps communication on every level it helps us understand each other professionally and socially and it just I think improves our quality of life to be able to have an exchange like that to learn about people and what their priorities are so that’s why we enjoy doing this so much. We think it benefits people on lots of levels.
Jim Rembach: You’ve mentioned something right there that I would like to actually kind of dig into a little bit. You talked about responding, so we’re not talking about answering questions you’re talking about responding to questions. What’s the difference?
MaryAnn Karinch: The difference is if I respond, if I answered your question, I would have said yes and stop there but a response gives you much more. It gives you dimensions of information even if you just ask a yes-or-no question, I would respond with all kinds of different things.
MaryAnn Karinch: You talked about the four areas of disclosure when you’re responding. What are those four areas?
MaryAnn Karinch: People, places, things, and time. If you ask me a question that’s a thing question, how’s the weather? The weather is cold and the mountains are beautiful I was out with a friend this morning it was chilly at 6:30, that kind of thing. I’d add other kinds of information in there that would give you a bigger picture than just, well it’s cold.
Jim Rembach: I think that actually gives a better opportunity. I think the subtitle of the book is, how to charm, deflect, defend your position through any line of questioning and one of those important components that we have to be able to build when we’re going through that type of engagement or interaction is rapport and unless you learn how to respond appropriately, and with that color that you’re referring to, people can’t really get an understanding of you and the type of person you are.
MaryAnn Karinch: Right. Especially if you’re involved in something like a sales situation or an interview and the other person will feel closer to you if they know more about you. Not only that but when you volunteer a little bit more depth, you open the door for the other person to tell you more as well. You enliven the conversation and you make it much more possible to bond.
Jim Rembach: I think one of the things that was important to me that I discovered through your book is you talked about responding and the types of responders. You mentioned something about four different types of responder, what does that really mean?
MaryAnn Karinch: We have a predisposition to respond to questions in a particular way it’s how the brain works. Let’s go to an easy one right off the bat. Of the fourth, the easiest to understand is probably dictator. I’m saying this without judgment but a great example of somebody who is a dictator in answering questions is Donald Trump, President Trump. That should immediately give you a sense of what a dictator is. A dictator tells you what he wants you to hear. Rather than make it a two-way street, which is what we’re mostly used to in a conversation, this would be pushing information toward you. Regardless of what you ask me I’m going to give you an answer that I want to give you. Another is handler. Handler will drip, drip, drip the information, manage the flow of the information, and that’s typical for people who want to kind of control the agenda, it’s not an not control in a bad sense, it’s more like giving you the flow of the information to whatever extent is necessary to get a point
Across. Another one is evader. Again I’m not being judgmental or pejorative by using the term evader. If a person doesn’t really answer the question or respond to the question that you ask sometimes it’s because he or she hears it differently or is focused on something that is completely, like aside like peripheral information, so the evader would have to steer back toward what you really want to know as a questioner. The fourth one is the commentator. I’m not being gender specific with this but women tend to be commentators more than men we’ll add the floral aspect of whatever we’re telling you, will tell you more than you want, that’s just kind of how a lot of us communicate and we have to throttle back on that sometimes, but commentator will give you the full story.
Jim Rembach: As you were talking I started thinking about several people in my head and I started
saying, okay, well for me sometimes I’m all of those people.
MaryAnn Karinch: Oh, sure, sure. And as I said there’s no judgment associated with any of them. there’s inherently negative about any of them. And we will go in and out depending on who we’re talking to. If somebody in a store asks you a question about a product you probably going to be a dictator, you’ll tell them what you want them to hear.
Jim Rembach: I began to think when you are referring to a lot of the things that we have in our society today where there is a lot of snap judgment, people easily going and saying whatever they want about people or stonewalling and not saying anything at all. All these different dynamics of conversation that has now happened within the past decade with the explosion of smart devices and mobile devices and how this multimodal communication comes into play, how much are we relying on the conversation component of an interaction to now be a situation of recovery?
MaryAnn Karinch: If you go back and focus on the person and try to understand the intent of whatever was said to you that’s a good way to start the recovery process. Focus on the other person. What we do sometimes is we’re so accustomed because of our devices to push information that we forget that we need to receive it. We need to pay attention to all aspects of the person. It’s very difficult to do that if you’re doing texting or email but it’s still necessary, it’s vital, you’re communicating with the human being. Try to step back and not assume, meaning not set expectations on the interaction, but just let it let it come to you and be open-minded. One of the advantages obviously if we have the visual of each other is we can read body language. We can get a few signs and signals. Because there are so many times, I’m sure it’s happened to you and it certainly happened to me, where you get an email and you think this person is so rude. Why would they say that? If you actually saw their face you’d realize they’re being sarcastic or funny there’s some quirky thing going on and there was no intention to be rude. So I am constantly telling myself don’t assume that. Just assume the best and take it from there and see what happens. Either you’re affirmed or you’re denied at that point.
Jim Rembach: I think what you were talking about a moment ago is really important component about the whole asking the questions that need to be asked for clarity being able to seek that commonality which is when you start talking about the areas that we need to talk about from a discovery perspective. So, when you when you start looking at the components that we often hear about that are non-verbal, talking about some of the tone components, the facial expressions and the mannerisms and the body language pieces and all of that, have you seen that there’s actually been a shift of the importance of those things to the overall conversation? Or is it a situation to where they’re just kind of, icing on the cake, so to speak?
MaryAnn Karinch: I think that there’s a great shift in the nonverbal because we have cultures coming together in a way that we didn’t use to. And so there are considerations that we have to have in interaction that are based in culture. Whether or not somebody makes eye contact with you for example could well have to do with the culture that the person grew up in it could be gender specific. There are ways that other cultures deal with each other in terms of two men should face each other straight on. Whereas in other cultures, in our culture in United States, that straight on is a confrontational, it’s not friendly, it’s not invitational, it’s much more confrontational. S we have to be aware of that and try to read knowing what the context is and knowing what the culture is all of those things not to make assumptions. Again, just pay attention to the combination of factors not just how somebody moves but what’s coming out of their mouth whether or not they seem tense and so on.
Jim Rembach: I think for me when you started talking about that I have to continually remind myself the whole nonjudgment piece. Having three young kids, man, that’s something I’m actually reminding them of all the time because—it’s funny to me how they will talk about inclusiveness and not judging others but yet they’re the first to do the judging. And I’m like, how are you even jumping to that conclusion? You know how to make self judgements in order to determine that that person was upset with you or that person was, like the word to my daughter used last night, a country-club kid. And It’s like, how do you even know that? You’ve never engaged and had discussion and maybe they’re just shy and reserved and don’t have a lot of self-confidence and now you’re misinterpreting it as arrogance? You can’t judge. So how often do you find that from a conversational component and teaching and working with folks that whole judgment piece is where you spend a lot of your time as a starting point?
MaryAnn Karinch: Well, interestingly enough I spend a lot of time doing that and I try to get people to be more like little kids with open eyes. But again what’s interesting is that little kids are just sponges for what their parents are doing but also what’s coming into them from the media. They have all kinds of media input. Whatever they’re streaming, whatever they’re listening to for music, and all of those things that stuff is going to affect them. They start out being very open minded and big open eyes but that’s the advantage and the problem. Because the input is coming from so many sources and some of those sources are really corrupt. They’re kind of contaminating their perception of other people. So it’s really, really important with little kids like that that they have daddy to talk to. And that daddy reminds them that making a judgment like that is not going to be a good thing, stay open-minded. It is a concern as people get a little bit older and they try to enter the workforce too. A lot of young people who are exposed to the media they’re having their perceptions of certain types of people corrupted.
Jim Rembach: I think that’s a really interesting point that you bring up. It used to be that we would not have to worry about teaching some of these core fundamental basic skills as they enter into the workforce but now we have to do that because of the exposure and that corrupt influence that you had talked about. I remember many years ago we had to actually stop our daughter from watching something on Disney because she started getting this smart sassy mouth. And I’m like, where is that coming from? From that Disney TV show.
MaryAnn Karinch: Yeah, it’s tough because it’s not as though we weren’t exposed to it when we were kids but there’s just more of it. There are more options at this point. And it’s hard to control those options, we can’t not completely but—you’re right we’re affected by it too, the entire population is affected by it and we can’t ignore that and just say, oh, let’s just all love each other uh-uh. Because there’s so much stuff coming at us that’s real, it’s harsh, and we just have to try to balance that with our relationships. And again to go back to your first question, this is why I believe that understanding human behavior and human communication will only help people more because they’ll pay more attention to the individual that they’re speaking wit and not try to cut it short. That’s the difficulty, my best friend and I were on the phone last night for a long time. A lot of kids get bored with being on the phone for a long time but that’s part of talking to somebody that you miss. That’s part of communicating it’s part of getting into the heart of the relationship you have to take that time.
Jim Rembach: That’s so true. Now when we’re talking about all this and fighting some of the social norms, staying strong because we know what the right thing to do is it can be tough. One of the things that we look at on the show in order to be able to help us do that are quotes. Is there a quote or two that you like that you can share?
MaryAnn Karinch: Yes. I have to turn around and grab it, may I? A desire to succeed can strengthen you but a fear of failure can immobilize you.
Jim Rembach: Why do you like that quote?
MaryAnn Karinch: Because I wrote it. No, because it reminds me of where I need to be. It helps me remind other people to stay strong and to not be immobilized by things that are really horrible. There are a lot of things that we will encounter whether their career setbacks or health setbacks and we have to rely on the people around us to get through them and to not be paralyzed by those real fears of failure or death. And this reminds me to stay connected with not only myself but with other people.
Jim Rembach: I can only think that what went into you writing that quote and how you even shared why it’s important to you. There’s humps that we have to get over in our life and you’ve probably thought about many of those. But can you share one of those times where had to get over the hump?
MaryAnn Karinch: Sure, I can make this personal. I had cancer. Cancer helped save my relationship. Because I felt that, Jim and I were fighting together and that we had a unified focused. A lot of times this
will happen in a company too. If you have a common enemy you can get very, very strong with your team and you can do things that you didn’t realize we’re possible. Sometimes that is the most potent thing in a professional or personal relationship, that common enemy that we’re going to win. I think of it as a Star Trek mentality. It’s like, all the good guys just go shoulder to shoulder we’re going to get those Borg no matter how big and fierce they are. Yeah, that was a hump that turned into a mountain climbing experience that was beautiful and satisfying and victorious.
Jim Rembach: Wow, we’re glad you’ve survived.
MaryAnn Karinch: Yeah, me too.
Jim Rembach: You and Jim finds it that way are important.
MaryAnn Karinch: Great, exactly.
Jim Rembach: I’m sure you have a lot of things going on—you’re helping other folks with their books, your own career with this, you’re trying to make a big impact, talked about your relationship with Jim, you have a lot of things that you’re focusing in on but if you had one goal, what would it be?
MaryAnn Karinch: To be the best teacher possible, that is my primary goal. I feel like even when I was a child people would say, what do you want to be when you grow up? I’d say, I want to be a teacher. That is my single, most important goal—is to convey all of the stuff that I have learned from all of these genius caring people through the years. And to give that to more people so that they have better quality
Jim Rembach Jim Rembach: And the Fast Leader Legion wishes you the very best. Now before we move on let’s get a quick word from our sponsor.
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Alright, here we go Fast Leader legion, it’s time for the Hump day Hoedown. Okay MaryAnn, the Hump day Hoedown is a part of our show where you give us good insights fast. So I’m going to ask you several questions and your job is to give us a robust yet rapid responses that are going to help us move onward and upward faster. MaryAnn Karinch, are you ready to hoedown?
MaryAnn Karinch: Sure, sure. Do I have to think fast, really?
Jim Rembach: Yes, you do.
MaryAnn Karinch: Oh, no. Okay I’ll try.
Jim Rembach: Good. What is holding you back from being an even better leader today?
MaryAnn Karinch: I don’t feel held back, what’s holding me back? Time.
Jim Rembach: What is the best leadership advice you have ever received?
MaryAnn Karinch: Servant leadership. Pay attention to other people.
Jim Rembach: What is one of your secrets that you believe contributes to your success?
MaryAnn Karinch: I’m happy.
Jim Rembach: What is one of your best tools that helps you lead in business or life?
MaryAnn Karinch: I take big risks. I am not afraid of big risks.
Jim Rembach: What is one book that you’d recommend to our legion, it could be from any genre, of course we’ll put a link to, Control the Conversation, on your show notes page as well.
MaryAnn Karinch: Okay, Lessons from the Edge. It happens to be another one of my books. But the reason I picked it is because it’s about extreme sports. It’s fun to read and their lessons from people who do all kinds of things on the edge.
Jim Rembach: Okay, Fast Leader legion you can find links to that and other bonus information from today’s show by going to fastleader.net/maryannkarinch. Okay, Maryann, this is my last Hump Day Hoedown question: Imagine you were given the opportunity to go back to the age of 25. And you’ve been given the opportunity to take all the knowledge and skills that you have and take them back with you, but you can’t take everything back you can only choose one. So what skill or piece of knowledge would you take back with you and why?
MaryAnn Karinch: I would take back the knowledge that people of all different orientation and types and all of that, all have something to share with me. I guess that’s the main thing, it’s all about people.
Jim Rembach: MaryAnn, it was an honor to spend time with you today, can you please share with the Fast Leader legion how they can connect with you?
MaryAnn Karinch: People can connect with me on my website, they can connect with me on my agency website which is rudyagency.com, karinch.com is my personal website. And my email is my name, it’s pretty simple and it’s really readily available, it’s maryannkarinch.com, there you go.
Jim Rembach: MaryAnn Karinch, thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom the fast leader Legion honors you and thanks you for helping us get over the hump. Woot! Woot!
MaryAnn Karinch: Thank you for joining me on the Fast Leader show today. For recaps, links, from every show special offers and access to download and subscribe, if you haven’t already. Head on over the fastleader.net so we can help you move onward and upward faster.
END OF AUDIO